Do you think women who are married and not working play the role of a little self righteous?

Question

I have worked my rear end off since I was 15 yrs old. I have always had a job and felt like I was not doing my part when I was married unless I contributed to the household financially. I have been divorced since my daughter was 11 mo old. Not working has never been an option for me
My significant others daughter has never worked more than a couple weeks at any job. Her husband works full time and she is a stay at home mom. They scrape by financially, and have moved in with ole dad about 3 or 4 times in the last 5 yrs. I told her dad, she needs to get a job and help out with the expenses instead of trying to get pregnant again which she is doing now. When she moves home its a mess. Her dad says she is a married and its her decision. I think she is basically doing what she wants and is being irresponsible. Her husband works for a company which notoriously goes on strike. If he would lose his job, they are in trouble. She doesnt pay bills. Whats your opinion?

Answer 1

she needs to get off her *** and work help out and dad needs to stop letting her move in and out

Answer 2

Well, think of it this way, if your SO's daughter were to go get a job, it sounds like she has no real skills or a degree in anything, so her paycheck would probably just be enough to cover daycare costs and not help in any other financial area. So she'd be working 40 hours a week, neglecting the home & her kid, and yet contributing nothing to the financial situation.

Ultimately though, it really is none of your business. You make it sound like she's being lazy by being at home, when in fact she's probably making MORE of a contribution to the family by staying home & raising the child. I'm sure her and her husband have also discussed this and BOTH feel that she should be at home, otherwise she'd probably be out working. I worked until the day I got married, until my daughter was 2 1/2. I have been a stay at home mom now for over a year, and honestly it is HARD work, and much more rewarding than a paycheck. My husband WANTS me at home, and tells me all the time how Im contributing on a daily basis at keeping our family in order. I go through phases that I want to go back to work, but he always points me in the direction of staying home raising my daughter. I am thankful that I have that option every single day.

Answer 3

She isn't the only one being irresponsible, so is her husband. Obviously they cant afford another child. But her dad is right, it is their life and their decision.
But the majority of family's with SAHM's are not like that. They are making it on their own with out help from others. And they have made a decision, that they see as being best for their family. And today being able to make it on one income is a blessing.
I stay home with our children. And that is what works for us. Because in the end it would cost us more then it is worth if I went back to work, daycare alone would be 600.00+ a week. And come tax time it would kill us.
But we are lucky enough to own our own business. But even though I stay home with the kids, I also help with the business, I just don't get a pay check every week for it.

Answer 4

Ouch - that's a tough one. Many people say that raising children is a full time job, but there does come a point where not working is not an option. I've been a stay at home mom as well as a working mom, and I always considered staying at home and taking care of the house and kids a luxury - one that it doesn't sound like they can afford. I have known women to get pregnant to avoid going back to work . . .not a good reason to bring a life into this world.

Answer 5

well i have always wanted to get married and have kids and become a house wife but at the same time, i still want to contribute.
i am currently working and i am 5 months pregnant and i plan on resigning in 3 months.
after our first baby is born and i get settled into being a mum, i will work for my hubby doing his accounts and book keeping instead of having him pay someone else to do it. (he owns his own company).
i am also looking into working from home as a wedding planner so i can still have my dream of being a mum and a wife etc but i can still help out so we are more than comfortable.
i think your sig. others daughter should grow up and help out a bit.
i know its hard having kids etc but i think getting married and having kids should have been planned out before the vows were taken so you know whats going on and you always have money to fall back on if anything was to happen.
i guess you cant really say much since her dad doesnt see the situation like you do but at the end of the day, just worry about your own life.
there is no point in you worrying about what his daughter is doing.

Answer 6

My opinion is....it's none of my business. I am a working mom - with the benefit of having a flexible enough job that I only have to have minimal childcare for my youngest. I have plenty of friends who are working moms - and an almost equal number who are stay at home moms. Let me tell you - the stay at home mom's that I know are as hardworking as I am, they just aren't getting paid for what they do. The amount of volunteer hours that these women put in at the schools and for various community agencies is staggering. They are certainly making as important a contribution to society and their families as I am.

Anyway - in the specific case of your significant other's daughter: it sounds like the only person who has a problem with it is you. If her husband is ok with the arrangement and dear old dad doesn't mind catching them when they fall, then the only thing you can do is figure out if you want to help hold the net - and then cut loose the dear old dad if you don't.

Answer 7

I was a stay at home mom for a little while. We didn't have much money, but I was happy....might I add my house was always clean and dinner was always on the table at 5. When I was working, we still didn't have much money, and I had to work all the more at the job and then come home and clean and take care of the baby and get dinner on the table. Has she considered going to college? That's what I ended up doing. I'm always out at three so I can take care of my baby, and I get refund money back. When I'm done, I'll be able to support my family better than what my husband can do right now. She can be barefoot and pregnant all she wants as long as it isn't her life goal.

Answer 8

I don't get a pay check or annual bonus from my job... but I do work. I am a stay at home mother. I have two kids. My hubby and i chose for me to stay home with the kids bc the though of dropping them off at a day care is too much to handle. And i don't think i could live with my self, if i allowed a sitter to raise my children. As a result, i know my kids very well. I know my kids in a way that most working mother knows their. I know every thing that my children watch, see, i know EVERYTHING they do... every thing they hear,i have control over every thing they do.. and I have a change to influence, and mold them to become great, well rounded adults!! So that's my job... and my responsibility as a mother... so while i may not contribute financially, my contribution is PRICELESS!!

Answer 9

I think your question in general has nothing to do with the detailed description you've given.

NO - Your SO's daughter is not doing all she can to make her family life better. In fact she's doing all she can to keep them in a bad situation.

My Experience - I am a stay home mom and I home school all my kids. I had my first job at 16 and have always worked up until I had my second child at age 24. I have worked in retail and in the medical field as an assistant. I had a good job. But my husband made enough that I could stay home and not pay for child care.
I am proud of any mom who can juggle work and home. I've done that and it's not easy to spend up to 12 hours a day away from your family and then have to come home and cook and clean and help with home work, and still be a wife.
And I am proud of myself for juggling home schooling and house work and being a mom and a wife and keeping it all going without any outside help. Meaning I have no day care, no school, no babysitters, etc. It's all me.
Having lived "both sides" of this issue, I can honestly say it truly depends on the family and their situation as to what's best for them. What I'm doing now is what's best for my family.

Your SO's daughter should be looking into their financial reality and seeing what's best for them as a family. And just what she wants. I understand wanting a large family - I have one because I wanted one. But we are financially able to take care of our family. If she needs to "move back home" due to financial stresses, then she's not helping her family, nor her dad.

My opinion? Dad needs to give her a good dose of tough love and tell her she's not allowed to move back home. OR if she does, SHE has to get at least a part time job to help out with expenses - and charge them rent! (dad could always put that money on the side and give it to them to put towards their own place if he so chooses) Yes, as a parent I do know how difficult it is to turn your child away. But there are times you need to force your adult children to grow up. Giving them that safety net is nice, but sometimes it actually encourages them to fail.

As to your question of stay home moms being self righteous - well, I'm sure there are some out there, but most of us are actually hard working volunteers. We work hard in our homes, at the schools, at our churches, where ever volunteers are needs, we fill in. I help where I can, when I can. But I don't brag about it to people I know - nor do most of the other volunteers I know. We just do it.
The self righteous ones are those who brag about all they do and what a wonderful contribution they are making to society. In my opinion, anyway.

Hope that helped you - best wishes.

Answer 10

While I cannot imagine NOT working in some way, I think that if you can be a real stay at home Mom and be there for your kids and husband, you are contributing to society. Do I think that is what your significant others daughter is doing? noo probably not

Answer 11

I'm a homemaker and work very hard to keep my house clean for my husband who thankfully has a GREAT job, I worked since I was 16 and just recently quit my job to take care of our 2 yr. old and prepare for number 2 coming in March. So it sounds to me like she is giving us good homemakers a bad name and if God forbid anything were to ever happen with my husbands job or we ever were short on money I would go back to work in a heart beat, b/c that's what it means to be an adult, it sounds to me like her dad is enabling her and irresponsible ways.