I have a problem?

Question

I have been married for 4 yrs. and my marriage has been rough since the begining. I have suffered alot in this marriage, but just recently I have suffered a tremendous blow, my husband had an affair and the girl ended up pregnant. and I have been depressed and crying alot. And my husband moved in with his girlfriend for a while then he ended comming back home. We are trying to fix our marriage but I am still depressed and suffering alot because I dont trust him and he hurt me very badly. I want a divorce but he wont give me one. And he wont leave. does anyone have any suggestions? signed depressed and hurting,

Answer 1

You need to find a safe place to do some thinking. I'd book on this one, and quick. I certainly would have a hard time trusting my spouse again, were I in your shoes.

Answer 2

You will never trust him again. And frankly I don't blame you. He was the one who destroyed your marriage. Of course he won't leave, why buy the milk when you can have the cow for free. He may not divorce you , but YOU can divorce him. As far as I know, infidelity is a prime reason to cite for divorce.
Do you have children with him? If so, and the poster above is right by assuming that he may be abusing you, you must call the police and have him escorted out. File for divorce and full custody, do not muddle around with child support because abusive husbands like to drain their exwives of all energy and money by dragging them through messy child custody battles. I never believe it when I hear an abused wife say, 'but he's a good father'. What kind of father abuses his children's mother?
Anyway, if you don't have children. Get the heck out of there. Start a new life where you get to know yourself before committing to a fantasy relationship that crumbles after 4 years. Don't stay with this person, he will only cause you heartache and you sound like you have much to give to the world. You may want to seek some sort of therapy or talk to your family doctor about this. You may be clinically depressed. Sounds like he has done a job on your self esteem. But you can get through this.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I hope you don't have children with that loser. You should have never let him back in your life, never mind your house!

Who cares what he wants. You're all the matters and nobody can play you for a fool like that. Nobody should be able to disrespect you and still get what they want. Who gives a sht what he wants. If you want a divorce, then you go file for a divorce and get a Restraining Order against him.

This is your life! You have to get your self respect, pride and dignity and kick that idiot to the curb. I can already tell that he must have been the worst thing to be married to. You have to find a real man. A man that will know how to take care of his woman with alot of love and respect.

Stand up with your chin up and your arms folded and just be happy that the truth has arrived. You are not suppose to be with him so clean the slate as soon as possible. When he's completely out of your life, you will be so comfortable, relieved, stress free, happy and very self confident. I wish you all the luck.

Answer 4

Well, sweets, betrayal is the deal buster in marriage, and you need help in leaving, so get yourself in therapy.

Just to let you know, only 20% of marriages with betrayal survive two years, and that is with both in counseling, and both wishing to save it..... he probably doesn't. In my own experience --- I'm 56 -- of all of my friends whose marriage had betrayal, only one lasted...... 5 years, and their Christmas note said that they as well were parting so in my experience, that is 100% of betrayal ending a marriage..

You are in a hopeless situation: what you want, and what there is, just aren't the same. And you need to be in therapy to see that and accept it... But, have a little smile on your face..... the babe and he won't make it either.... relationships that begin with pregger ladies are already too complicated to survive.. and yes, you can get a divorce... see an attorney, have your cheating spouse served, and it's over. Anyone can divorce a spouse, even if they don't want it,

Answer 5

I would definitely file divorce papers... he will have no choice but to answer to them and appear in court.... at least he will know you are serious!! If you own the home together you can't kick him out, but you can set yourself up a separate bedroom in the house and make it a point not to be around. You definitely need to divorce this guy! Get your self some counseling to help you through this tough time and keep yourself strong.

Answer 6

You need to take the initiative to fix your life. Get off the pity pot and start changing your life today so that tomorrow you can be happy.

Your first step is get a good family law attorney and start the divorce or separation process.

Then you need to find a help group for separated and divorced people. Try local Churches for such groups.

If he has a drinking problem, find an Al-anon meeting and get a sponsor.

The bottom line is nobody is going to save you but yourself.

Good luck. I will pray for you.

Answer 7

I'm sorry you are going through this. Get marriage counseling ASAP!!!! But, there is always going to be that baby/child with that other woman smacking you in the face with the reality of what he did to you. Cheating is one thing, getting another woman knocked up, that's F'd up. Make sure there are not any other men out there who could be the baby daddy. The girl could be a HO! Can you say paternity test?

Answer 8

If he left you to live with another woman he will probably do it again. I know of few women that would have let him return. If you cannot get him to leave see a lawyer and they will make him leave or leave yourself once you get the divorce you should be able to get all of YOUR possessions and half of the possessions obtained while married. HOWEVER If I was that miserable I would be thankful to just to get out .Possessions can be replaced. Starting over can be fun .... I know because I have been there.

Answer 9

Marriage without trust is not ever a good thing. in most states he doesn't have to GIVE you a divorce you just file it and that is it. He can fight it but cannot force you to stay married to him. I suggest you either have him removed or move out yourself.

Answer 10

That's a hard decision- I can see where you would want out- I don't know that I could handle my husband cheating on me. On the other hand- if you truly love him, maybe it's worth working on. I think that the only way you can do that is to go to counseling. It's nice to have someone to listen to both sides of the story without choosing a side. Good luck to you.

Answer 11

You don't have to have his permission to get a divorce.
Kick him to the curb and find yourself a lawyer. I'm in Florida and in this state he even has to pay the lawyer.

As long as you are depressed and crying he has power over you.

Take back your power and get MAD!!!!

Besides that after being with someone else you don't know what kind of gift that keeps on giving he may have brought home to you.

He's a bum so kick him to the curb and find your self someone who deserves you.