military wife seaks answers.?

Question

i have left my home town, best friends, family, EVERYTHING for my husband and his career. i knew his career being in the military was going to be like this. but now he tells me that girls from his past are asking for his number and they are talking....with excitement.... we have been married and i have like i said left and lost a whole lot for him. i have lost trust from him from females that he called friends...no sexual encounters were made distance kept that from happening. but i thought husband and wife were to be committed to each other and weren't to bring past female crushes back into the picture. worst of all he is secretive...i have no idea what the heck is being said, in email, texts, phone convos. im not here. what should i do having left everything for this person? i cant keep telling him over and over that he hurt my feelings...and where do i leave to? im in California...and my hometown is Maryland....im sooo lost and confused. should i see a professional?

Answer 1

Little Sad One, I don't know how close your walk is with God, But He is watching you go thru this ordeal ! God loves to see Harmony and Love in a Home....Especially a marriage. He cares so much for You, and He can Help You and show you what to do If you would only Ask Him....He Has an answer for You My Dear.....And If & when You Let Him Help You, He will be there To Guide and direct You......He never Lets Us Down, when we Trust Him. Would you mind If I Pray for You? God tells us in his word, that If two People Pray about the same thing, IT WILL BE DONE. I will be Happy to Pray with You, and when God answers Our Prayer, Please let me Know. O.K? You Cheer Up now, and start Praying...(smile) God Is Listening. & Waiting. I am your friend.


<> Victorious Prayer Warrior<>

Answer 2

Wow. Your story is one reason why I am glad that my fiance is in the US Army National Guard....he is stationed in his hometown, where I am from as well.

It seems like there are alot of issue to be addressed with you and your spouse. With his career, I am sure that it is hard to find the time to communicate with one another, however if he has time to talk to old female friends then he should make time for his wife as well.

I do not want to tell you to leave him as I am sure some people on here will, but I would like to tell you that if you should consider talking to your husband about your concerns and if the two of you truly want your marriage to work, then both of you should seek relationship counseling.

I can tell you that I am set to be wed in September. We have two children, one we share, the other is mine from a previous relationship. I have been through of the same issues with past girlfriends. Even though they were friends, it boiled down to his having to chose between me or them due to secrets and drama.

You do give up alot when you involve yourself with a partner in the service, but like you said, you take the risk of giving up stablity. Your family will always be there for you no matter what and maybe before you approach your husband with the problems you could take some time and go back home to collect your thoughts and get away from the chaos. Whether our there or not he is going to do what he wants right? Just remember that you only have one life to live so make it worth while. Good Luck and I hope the advice I offered has helped you.

Answer 3

It's a tough situation, My husband was military for 5 years. Trust is a hard thing to learn. Tell him that you don't like that he is talking to his ex's, and to please stop.

But on the other hand you did make a commitment to him for better or worse, good times and bad. Just because this is one of the bad times you can just be the victim that sacraficed it all... you signed up for it (this marriage)willingly.
Love and marriage takes work and men don't have a clue how women process things. He might just be glad to talk to an old friend, so you have to let him know, as though he didn't realize he were hurting your feelings...

Answer 4

My suggestion:

First pray and go to church and get yourself a support system, and make friends of other service wives.

1 If you haven't already, tell him this is inappropriate conduct for a married man.

2 If he doesn't agree to stop this instant and give you their email addresses, phone numbers, etc. or call them with you on the line and tell each of them he's "married and pursuing the marriage and not to EVER call, email, text, etc. him again. It's over." and he should give you his email password - if he doesn't agree to do this contact his commanding officer and/or the chaplain and tell them of your situation. Most likely they will have a strong chat with him. If not, apply social pressure: tell your minister what is happening, his mother, sister, church, etc. They will tell him what a mistake he's making.

3 If you want him back - Read the book Divorce Busters - it tells you how to deal with a cheater, cheating, and the other woman

4 If you want him back - Do not argue - you must be kinder, prettier, more charming than the other women. You must make it so that he rather be with you than them. Keep your house very clean and comfortable. Always greet him hello and goodbye with a hug and/or kiss. Play soothing classical music. Fix your hair pretty and feminine. Wear a dress or skirt rather than pants - men like them.

5 Read Fascinating Womanhood and Created to Be His Helpmeet for help on pleasing your husband.

Hope something here helps.

Wishing you joy...

Answer 5

If you dont have any kids go home for awhile and let him miss you. Dont call him for awhile too, let him wonder what you're doing over there. I know it sounds childish but his behavior is just as childish. Military men and women have two lives, whether they want to admit it or not, a military life and a civilian life. Your husband seems to be having trouble separating the two. You need to give him a smack back into reality. Trust me, I've been there and have experienced the same thing from both sides of the situation.

Answer 6

You know, you indeed gave up a lot to be with your husband....just as the Bible instructs us to do! Yes, you are exactly right when you say that exes should stay in the past as you two have chosen to spend your lives together....all others are not included in your wedding vows!!

I understand why you would lose your trust....he has given you plenty of reason to doubt him and his actions!! However, it appears that this behavior of his, does not cause concern with hurting your feelings....for him. Hun, that tells you he is only thinking of himself and not how this is hurting you. He may not realize how much this is hurting you.

You are seeking answers....the only truth I can give you is that a marriage takes three...God and the two of you! If I were you, I would pray and ask God for the words which would allow your husband to see or, be empathetic with your feelings. One thing is certain, he needs to let the exes go and keep his focus on his life, with you. I want you to know that I am sorry you are so far away from others who love you so! I will pray that God will intervene in your marriage and open the eyes of your husband as to the pain his actions are causing you. I ask God to be with you, guide you, give you wisdom and above all....allow you to know that HE is always with you...you are never alone. May God bless you and I pray that He will direct you both, in your lives!

Please e-mail me if you need to talk!
gail

Answer 7

Well, from one military wife to another, let me first say that I understand how you feel. My husband and I just relocated to Cleveland OH, and I am from GA, so I am along ways away too. With that being said the way that your looking at this situation is a little lop sided (which is completely normal) allow to put it in perspective. If the only reason you moved to California, was for your husbands career your going to be disappointed. Because no matter how good or bad things go for him and his career, you won't really understand or relate bc that is his thing, his career and you will always feel resentful. Because you from looking at it from that perspective, you have had to give up your friends and family and everything you know, for his career, I mean just typing it, how depressing is that! The way I look at it is, its my chance to explore the world. To find my niche', so I am put a lot of energy into getting settled in here, finding myself a job so I can meet people, and try new things, that don't revolve around military stuff. Now its difficult, bc you do miss that connection with family but stay strong and readjust your focus. As far as the the other young ladies come in, I don't know what branch of service your hubbie is in, but mine is Navy, and he used to go in and out to sea often, for months at a time, and their were woman everywhere, waiting and ready! No regards to our marriage, and I could tell just from the few minutes I was in their presence (when we might see someone at the mall and etc.) But they way I began to look at that is like this, I don't have any control over that, so why waste my energy. He knows how I feel about infidelity, and how important my vows are to me, and he knows what I expect from him, if he thinks the grass is greener and wants to try it, I can't stop him, but I won't support it by tolerating it. I will be court so fast it will make his head spin, bc the same way he is good catch so am I. Yes, I love him dearly and I would not ever want to leave him or vice versa, but I feel that if he feels the same he won't jeoperdize our relationship on that instant gratification. SO the moral to this story is, don't waste your energy on things you can't change. And find your space in CA and make it work for you. You will so busy in your life that alot of the stresses of being away will slowly disappear. Now please don't misunderstand me, I know you are making a sacrafice by being away from your family and friends, but you also get one hell of a experience for yourself that is priceless, its all about what you make of it.

Answer 8

Honey same with me 35 years ago. Tell him to forget the pass or there will be no future together.
Now 35 years married, I still must put my foot down sometimes. Women flirt with my husband all the time. They know me and don't care.
I found me a good church, gave my heart to Jesus, now my marriage belongs to God.
Funny thing, men flirt with me , but I love my man and make it clear. Men need to grow up.
I said a prayer for you honey.Give your marriage to God.
Tell your man to grow up.
You will be ok, let him know it happens again you are going home.Then do it.
Actions speak louder then words.<><

Answer 9

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Explain the desperation to your husband of how you feel. I know I would be upset if the past was brought into my marriage, too. Talk to him and talk to God, and He will hear you. God, doesn't want any marriage to fail. I will pray for unity and for God to soften your husband's heart to be sensitive to your feelings and lead his heart in the right direction toward his marriage. I am in California, too northern. God bless you.

Answer 10

I would suggest talking to him, being former Military that was stationed in Hawaii I have seen this siutation before. If talking to him does not settle it, then i would pack my crap and find a way home. He should not be talking to any other females that have romatic interests in him, it only leads to bad situations.

Talk to family or friends they will always be there for you.