I have been married for 7 yrs and we have 2 children together. I know for a fact that he has cheated and been with one particular women for 2 yrs and I believe that there has been more affairs. You're probably wondering why I haven't left but its due to a number of reasons. We have alot of positives in our relationships. Its actually great with the exception of infidelity. We get along great, work together financially and with the kids great, we're supportive of each other and motivate the other to achieve our goals. Another reason why we dont want to end the marriage is because we don't want to take that time and energy and put it towards other relationships and waste time on those that don't work. After this incident where he got busted cheating I decided that it may be best to have an open relationship.My husband doesnt want to have one. I'm not looking for advice on safe sex or whether I should leave but my question is how do other married couples feel about open relationships.
2007-12-05 10:14:51 · 26 answers · asked by mypassions4life 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm particularly interested in hearing from men. Also, I do not need to hear from kids or young adults who really know nothing about marriage.
2007-12-05 10:15:51 · update #1
I am totally open to open marriages. But it has to be for the right reasons. Reasons that both you and he are completly honest about. Reasons that wont cause harm in your marriage. You have already decided to stay. You dont want anything to make your life miserable. And Both you and him need to be in agreement on the decision, 100%.
This is the time where you and he need to be COMPLETLY honest with your thoughts and feelings, even the ones you dont want to talk about.
I think you should also talk about if there are any rules to this arrangment. Like, are you both allowed to see other people seperatly? Other couples together only? People we know vs people we dont know? Does it even matter?
I think you should also make an agreement to ALWAYS be honest and never hide anything about seeing someone else.
That being said, open marriage can be a cool thing. It opens new fantasy possibilities.
But many couples rush into things like this to spice it up or trying to save the marriage with sex or bc the other one wants it and one doesnt. You truly need to sit down and discuss this through the end before making a decision.
2007-12-05 10:47:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a prude.....but if you are going to stay married and have an open relationship - why bother staying married? Just go date. This situation must leave you feeling empty inside, no matter how much you try and justify the reasons to stay. I know this is extremely idealistic...but marriage is about loving one person, and sharing everything sacred like intimacy with that one person. They should be the only one you actually want to give it to and they should be the only person that occupies your heart. That is my very idealistic version of marriage. In reality we may settle for a lot less, but it's kind of sad when we do.
2007-12-05 10:29:13 · answer #2 · answered by Shelly 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Personally I would never agree to an open marriage. I understand your situation, but think about this... What are you going to tell your children as they get older? I think that your husband does not love you if he cheated on you, and why would you want to short yourself in life by staying with him.. I know it would be hard to leave, and I understand with the children part, the getting along part, the financial part, but you are missing out on the best part of a marriage if you open up your relationship... I think that you are trying to accept the fact than he messed around on you, and I think you are trying to deal with it by opening up your marriage... Don't short yourself in life by missing out on the best part of being married... Find you a good man.. Believe it or not, they are out there....
2007-12-05 10:53:06 · answer #3 · answered by ESP123 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe these are shallow and only partially committed people. As for your situation, it is already a marriage of convenience, so why change anything? If you want to have a sexual relationship with another man and your husband doesn't want you to (what a double standard THAT is), Have your affair discreetly so he won't find out.
I hate to think how the children will turn out. You may think they don't know what's going on, but they most certainly do.
2007-12-05 10:29:07 · answer #4 · answered by TatersPop 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I always thought that an open relationship in a controled and safe environment is good... Perhaps you and you husband could join a swingers club and get involed with other couples who are interested... I toyed with the idea of having an open realtionship with my man but I know i would get way too hurt in the process I love him too much.. You seem to be fine with the idea of you hubby being with someone else as long as it's not in your face or house but he doesn't feel the same way.. perhaps he wants this open realtionship to work one way.. eg he has sex with strangers and you don't
2007-12-05 10:25:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
My 1st marriage was both swinging and open!
I had more rules to fallow then he did but still the rules tend to breed distrust from one another because it straight forward sex!
Well it went bust when I had a PREGNANCY scare, and we started to blame one another!
It went south after that our marriage went from something good to something horrible, and to this day I regent the pain it caused my 3 young Daughters at the time!
The thing with you it seems is your planing on doing it whether he wants to or not and that WILL LEAD to divorce!
God help you when your kids find out as well because to this day 25 years latter I still hear about it from my daughters!
It's not worth losing your self respect, and dignity as a woman!
2007-12-05 10:38:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was married to a man that cheated and I divorced him the first time he cheated. I refused to be with someone that had the morals of an alley cat and had a problem honoring his marriage vows.
2007-12-05 10:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
See, I'd be for a modified open marriage - you have to invite the spouse to participate with every new partner. THat way one person's not having all the fun while the other sits at home alone.....
I've approached my wife about this, and she said flat "no", thinking it would be a pretext for me to get with other women (which isn't true....i'd love nothing more than to see her with another guy).
If you wanna know more, email me
2007-12-05 10:20:27 · answer #8 · answered by Scotty Showtime 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is a good idea. The more people involved in a relationship, the worse it will get. People get jealous and angry. If it works for you then great, but I wouldn't ever do it.
2007-12-05 13:00:27 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. Duncan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage rules are different for everyone. It seems you've found a compatible partner in everything but fidelity. But I say, if you wish to overlook his romantic interludes, you should by all rights be able to have some of your own. I can't say this marriage will survive it, but maybe it will. I think he owes you one.
2007-12-05 10:27:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋