how should i handle this situation with my husband?

Question

my husband tells me that while im at work, one of his past ex's has found him through a website. as he proceeds to tell me that she used to have a thing for him as he sounds discussed that she even got in touch with him or found him at that matter, he tells me that she asked him for his number....and they talked on the phone while pretending not to know when he talked to her. my husband and i have been married only 2 years and we are sooo young. im not sure how to even look at this. i found texts to one of his past flings in high school telling her that she was the wisest women he knew not even 2 months ago....i dont know what to do what to think or even how to approach this situation. i have just kept my distance, slept on the couch and for some reason i just feel down about this still. i just thought as a husband, you dont except emails that ask for your number from girls that liked you in the past...i haven't given my number out to guys from my past...am i crazy????or just naive??

my husband is a very keep to himself type person. dont trust anyone. so for him to be talking on the phone with other females....females that show interest in him that know he is married, takes a lot from him in his part just because he has never really been good with talking to the ladies. i know it doesnt say in the bible or anywhere else that you cant have friends, but why cant he just say what he has to say through email?? why must he be on the phone with her? there is nothing wrong with having friends....but i dont consider friends people who just pop up in your life.

Answer 1

I think you need to talk with him about this. Let him know you're not secure enough in your relationship for him to be talking with ex's so openly.
Maybe you two need to spend more time discussing your feelings in general. Talk about all of your relationships, not necessarily with former lovers, but with parents and friends.
Here's why: Native Americans, before entering a sweat lodge, bow their heads to the ground and say,"All my relations," as a way of thanking everything, because in all reality we are all in a relationship with everything in some way or another, and going into the lodge is a life changing event that all your relations have helped bring you to. This is also the basis for much of the Native teachings. Your whole life is a giant growth process and every relationship is a catalysts, the first being our parents. The rest follow, each one showing and helping form the next.
Now, to expect an American man to open up might be asking for trouble. We weren't raised to express ourselves openly. Be patient with him, and while your at it examine yourself and your own relationships. Doing this would change the relationship you have with your husband on its own.
You should know this too: judging yourself or others will only hurt your relationships by creating anger, resentment, fear, bitterness, and sorrow. Everybody, including your husband, is doing the best they can.

Answer 2

THis is the beginning of the beginning. Communication is the key to a successful marriage. My marriage started out like that somewhat, however I'm still in it and very unhappy to a certain point. That is the first step of cheating. This must stop now, I mean what he's doing, or else, the problem of infedility will only get worse. Get to the bottom of it, let him know how you feel. He shouldn't even be doiny anything like that. And the woman, if she knows he is married, that ought to tell him what kind of woman she is. Men don't think with their heads on their shoulder, they use the other one. I realize you didn't say he had sex with her, but that's the truth. People always say find you somebody that will treat you nicer and better. Hell by the time the man go do some **** like this, you done fell in love. So what's the use?

Answer 3

Well, I've been married 10 years. My husband does not have any contact with his ex girlfriends---except for one..she is married to his best friend. They have moved out of state and she is CRAZY so even if she were here he would want nothing to do with her. And if he did want to mess with her again, well, I say--good luck with that, buddy!

I honestly don't think men and women can be friends without the sex thing getting in the way. Really, WTF is he doing texting and talking to these women? it is not like they are trying to plan a surprise b-day party for you. And OF COURSE he knows when he spoke to her!

You are already on the couch. I guess you need to decide how long you want to stay there. It sounds to me like he is either already cheating or well on his way--do you want to wait around for him to cheat? If he does cheat will you forgive him or leave?

Have you considered some kind or marriage counseling? I don't know if that is an option for you. You cannot change him so you need to decide if his behavior if something you can live with---if you can't then leave.

You said you are young so it isn't like you have invested 20 years with this guy.

So tell him how you feel. He'll probably say, "It isn't a big deal," "You worry too much, " "Nothing is happening."

Do you want to stick around until he starts saying, "But she didn't mean anything to me!"

Plus, it looks like the trust is already destroyed. So no matter what he says you aren't going to trust him in the future. LEAVE!

Do you have kids? If not, leave before you have them! If you do, leave before he gets you preggo again.

Good luck!

Answer 4

It sounds to me he is either cheating or thinking about it. Its time to ask him about it and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he continues to do it then he doesn't respect your feelings and it may be time for you to move on. As a married couple neither of you should be giving out your phone number to an old love or someone interested in you other then friends. There is nothing wrong with having friends but he has to know where to draw the line and this sounds more than a couple of old friends getting in touch.

Answer 5

One thing - do not act up! It is very childish & it drives him more to the other woman!

Have a serious talk with him. Tell him that it is bothering you a lot. See what he says. If he is really in love with you, even if she steps in front of him naked, it will have no (wrong) effect on him. Maybe you are over-reacting.... It might be that he just want to keep his contacts up with her but that is about it.

So have a serious talk with him. He should be honest & open up his life, his handy or even emails to you. Not that you are going to look at it - you don't because you trust him but he must be willing to do that.

Judge him by his actions. You can't control his life even when he is your husband but you can control the way you act so that it will bring (good) results the way you want it to be. Main thing is not to control or act up but to act matured like his wife.

Answer 6

I see that you have convicted him even though he came and told what his past friends are doing. Yes, there some issues you and your husband still need to work out. I see some trust issues here as well. You both need to sit down and talk about this situation and your feelings towards his female friends. Because you get married doesn't mean you can't have friends of the opposite sex. It is a trust thing here, if it is not there the problems will arise. When we are insecure about our abilities we tend to push those feelings off on our spouse. Not a good thing to do.

Answer 7

Your not crazy and I KNOW that it sucks when the relationship is not a "two way" street. I mean how would he feel if the roles were reversed? You two have to communicate or the wedge will only get worse and life's too short to be miserable. Talk to him and be honest and tell him that his behavior is un acceptable and that if he wants you to continue trusting him that he has to cut all ties with ex's and flirting in the least bit. wish you the best of luck!

Answer 8

Naive, to have married so young. You can stick a label like wife or husband on a person, and sometimes they just don't care. Maybe in your case, he wasn't ready. I don't know how young the two of you are, sounds like you are right out of high school. Either you two stick together and try to grow up right with each other, or split up.

Answer 9

Naive for getting married young. The fact that he's telling you all these things makes me think that you shouldn't worry too much about it. But the guy is pretty inexperience considering that he's making you jealous on purpose. He's obviously telling you that women still find him attractive, and that he wants more attention from you, or more excitement from you otherwise he *might do something in revolt against your lack of putting out.

This is all theory though.

Answer 10

Getting smarter your still young>See what you have to look forward to>read the sites on how many have the same issue>It over for you as the trust & respect is gone>It's your call except him as he is>Or Close out this chapter of your life as a learning of what people do & Don't>Best of luck>