Do you think I'm overreacting or would you be angry and hurt too?

Question

My husband is in Iraq on a 15 month tour. My mother-in-law called today to tell me she got an email from him and I also heard from a friend of his that he was on MySpace and left a comments to at least two of his friends. What bothers me is that he managed to have the time to email/comment them, but not his wife. I haven't heard one word from him in two weeks and have been worried. It makes me feel like his daughter and I aren't important enough to let us know he's okay or just ask how we're doing. This isn't the first time he's done this and I've talked to him about it before...obviously it didn't get through to him. I'm so hurt and furious I could just scream at him. Do you believe that I'm overreacting or would you be angry and hurt too?

He talks to his mother about as much as he talks to me...I know, we let each other know each time it happens. As for his friends, if its possible to talk to them without putting them before family, I think its fine...but when they come first something's wrong.

Answer 1

I understand about his Mother, she's known him since birth, but putting his FRIENDS before you, no way girl.

It doesn't matter if he knew them longer then he's known you. Your his wife. You and his family come first, but mainly you! You have a right to be angry.

E-mail him explaining how you feel. Be nice, but firm. If he doesn't respond within a month and you find out that he's been talking with friends, I think it's time you maybe e-mailed again this time being more firm saying that you are sick of his friends coming first. Still no response. Move out. I'm sorry but he is treating you badly. When he comes back home and sees that you aren't there, then he'll call and ask what's up.

Good luck!
~Taylor

Answer 2

You're right feeling so angry, hurt... please, talk with him, and tell him how you feel, tell him you feel neglected by him, and that hurts you. Ask him if it's true that he left messages for his friends on that site, just make sure your mother-in-law told you the truth. Maybe he has not left any messages there after all. and he has been too busy to contact you, that may happen. But anyway you have to talk with him about all this, this is not right to let you alone with your worries of having him in Iraq, and also not hearing from him. Keep your faith up.
God bless you, and your husband

Answer 3

I think you are overreacting....He probably doesn't talk to his mother as much and sent her an email to keep in contact....Same with his friends...They were only comments....I imagine when he calls you he gets more time to talk with you...

with your additional details....I do agree with you then...I would be hurt as well....If he hasn't made and attempt to get in contact with you....but still has time to email his mother an make comments on myspace....I was thinking that he probably doesn't talk with his mother often nor his friends....He should contact you first in the case....

Answer 4

I have to say that i tend to agree with Mickey V. My brother was in Iraq and saw two of his friends killed. One of them right in front of him. He had to find a way to cope so that he could come home and be himself with his family again.

Talk to him about it but i wouldn't be angry or hurt. It must be very difficult and it may make him feel too homesick when he speaks to his close family. Its different when you speak to friends from family. He'll be able to just speak about guy stuff. When he speaks to you he'll have to deal with his feelings about being where he is and away from his family.

I know it must be hard for you to but try to be there for him. If he comes home and things are different then you may want to think again but for now i would just give him time. He probably just can face the fact that he's missing his family and the stress of where he is.

Answer 5

I would also be very hurt and angry...I wonder what sort of relationship you have with his mother and friends. Could they just be causing trouble? No you are not overreacting. Keep your chin up and look after yourself and your daughter

Answer 6

I would be angry and hurt but would try to understand that he is under an extraordinary amount of pressure being in Iraq. Perhaps the two of you should consider some kind of counseling.

Answer 7

Listen these guys are in a war zone. Everyday they wake up and have to deal with the fact that this might be their last day on this earth.

Here is what is going on, In order for him to deal with the pain of being away from his wife and kids he has dissconnected himself.

Meaning that in his mind he is already dead. That way he can function on the battle field, and be there for his buddies in thier time of need.

Its not easy but you need to tell him that you are loving him and supporting him everyday!!!

When he gets back he will have the luxury of loving you again. Right now it will drive him insane. You are the back bone of our fighting men. Be brave.

Answer 8

It might hurt him to much to talk to you two. You know it has to be really hard on him to be away from you two. As much as it hurts you yelling at him when he does call or e-mail will just make him upset. He has a lot on his mind out there, and he might just need to talk to his buddy's to let some stress go.♥♥

Answer 9

Well family is supposed to come first. And of course i would be upset and angry. You are his wife and you're worried. Just don't be too drastic with your actions

Answer 10

No you are not overreacting. Keeping in touch with friends is okay but it should be after spouse and kids. Obviously, your husband do not fully understand what it means to have a family.