I foolishly never pressed charges against the guy I know that I should have though,especially now but I was in the army at the time 2. This is the third time I caught glimpse of him but this (today) is the first time he saw me back and now I know for sure its him. (he was a "friend" of who took advantage one night thinking he could "sweet talk" me into finding him attractive)
Yes, my husband knows what happened but never met the guy, and he pcs'd before he had a chance to really look for this guy. I never thought I would have to see him again and I could totally forget it and now when I see him I get choked up and find it hard to breathe.
So, right now, my husband is deployed, will thankfully be coming home for R&R soon and I dont know if I should tell him that I have seen that guy or not. I wish I hadnt seen him. I really want to tell my husband though but I dont want him to worry but then if I run into the dirtbag especially with my husband and he tries to talk to me then what?
2007-12-05 09:18:40 · 18 answers · asked by Jessy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I used the term "friend" because he was an acquaintance among my social group of friends. I didnt type that all out cause I didnt have enough room, as you can tell I have a hard time editing my own thoughts. (I write alot is what I mean)
After that had happened is when I realized it is true that most assaults and other unwanted interractions do really happen by people you know and are not strangers you pass on the street. That is what I mean by "friend".
I am old enough to know the difference of consensual sex and rape, and also the seriousness of the situation when one accuses another of committing rape.
2007-12-05 10:12:13 · update #1
Don't poke a sleeping dog. The military being what it is, one or the other will be posted somewhere else. Keep your own council until then.
If however, the rapist so much as speaks to you, tell you husband and press the charges.
2007-12-05 09:53:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to inform the authorities.....You mentioned your husband is deployed whats to say the rapist finds this out and tries to harrass you again while you're on your own? As you say you find it hard to breathe when you come across this mongrel, how will you be if he confronted you in your home on your own!............Speak to the police about the rape and mention at the time of the offence you were in the army with the perpetrator and he is now stationed in your area and you are afraid of him. The police should advise you of your next course of action and DO TELL YOUR HUSBAND about him being stationed in your area and also mention that you have spoken to the police about it to put your husband's mind at rest....Hopefully you do press charges this time
2007-12-05 17:36:52 · answer #2 · answered by Janice G 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Before you decide what to do think about what you want to happen.
You feel violated and perhaps you need to work through accepting those feelings ---- then seek therapy.
You are mad at your self for not holding him accountable and you think if you tell your husband something will happen that will hold him accountable -- be careful unless you want to visit you husband in jail, again therapy may be the best option vs. confrontation
You are scared that he is going to do it again. You need to consult an attorney and see what he/she recommends.
You want to tell this terrible hurt to your husband to get his sympathy and support and that will help you feel completely loved....then tell him but make it clear this is not about retribution cause his male ego may focus there as opposed to on you.
You are in a tough spot and I am sorry this happened to you.
Best of luck
2007-12-05 17:29:59 · answer #3 · answered by George 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This line you typed confuses me...
"he was a "friend" of who took advantage one night thinking he could "sweet talk" me into finding him attractive"
ok so was the sex consensual??? If so then you were not raped!
You also said: "I am old enough to know the difference of consensual sex and rape, and also the seriousness of the situation when one accuses another of committing rape."
Yeah tell that to any guy who is sitting behind bars because it was easier for a woman to lie about being forced than it is to admit she had an affair.
2007-12-05 18:03:38 · answer #4 · answered by Joox 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can still file charges against him regardless of how long its been. Seems that you are still afraid of him. Your hubby could kick his butt but this could cause problems for him as well. Take it to a legal level and get his butt arrested by the MPs and press charges. Atleast a case will be filed and he may even get kicked out of the military. Cant imagine that the military would want a soldier like that serving our country.
2007-12-05 17:32:21 · answer #5 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband and you need to resolve this matter for your mental well being. Get with a local support group. This support group with enable you in becoming a stronger being instead of hiding in a shell or showing too much aggression because of this incident. Take back your life.
2007-12-05 17:29:22 · answer #6 · answered by anaise 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband he will be there to support you, you don't have to go through this alone. He needs to know that way he can protect you if that dirt bag comes anywhere near you to "try and talk" to you.
Good luck and I am so sorry about what happened!!
But thank you for what you and your husband have done for us here at home, you are truly awesome!!!!!
2007-12-05 17:43:55 · answer #7 · answered by PG with #3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that would make me really scared knowing that guy was there. i felt nervous enough when i was at the mall with my husband and children and walked past a guy i used to date when i was at high school!!!
i would definitely tell your husband - he is your soul-mate and protector and he would be very sad if you didn't be honest with him. he can keep you safe and if necessary, help you both to move somewhere away from this person. you should not have to live your life in fear or feeling uncomfortable about anything.
i wish you confidence and bravery to deal with this situation. ... would help if your husband is big and strong... make sure this creep sees you with your husband so he can be scared!!
2007-12-05 17:37:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no statute of limitations on rape. Press charges and send him to jail. My biggest fear about telling my husband would be that my husband would kill the man and then I would have to try and get my husband out of jail. So send the dirt bag away and then tell hubby.
2007-12-05 17:26:06 · answer #9 · answered by ashley g 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell your husband. hes your friend and protector not just your husband. then if the guy comes around you your husband can take care of him. when hes gone you can see if some other wife can stay with you or get some protection for yourself. a can of mase and a ball bat or even a gun. you dont need to be scared ,just prepared.
2007-12-05 17:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋