Wow.. so my ex-fiancee of a year just broke up with me and I can't stop crying my eyes out for some reason. I've been crying for hours straight just thinking about it. I am a total mess. She told me it was because she "lost interest and needed space" but I can't accept this! I just can't sleep, eat or stop crying and I hate this.
I thought we had everything together. I keep calling her but she keeps hanging up on me and I just hate it. What does need space mean!? Is it another guy!?
2007-12-05 09:12:08 · 43 answers · asked by aa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry about your broken heart. It's happened to all of us.
Her underlying reason for severing ties with you could be because she's interested in another guy, but not necessarily. If she told you that she lost interest then take her word for it, and be grateful that the relationship ended before the wedding instead of afterwards!
"Needing space" means that she needs to distance herself from you to do any of a number of things: figure out who she is, what she really wants in a mate or out of life, see other people, take a break from being attached to anyone, etc. Maybe she felt smothered or stifled. Maybe she found herself drawn to other guys and didn't think she should be if you two were meant to be together. Maybe she grew tired of being a waiting fiancee for a full year or maybe she felt that the relationship was moving too fast.
You sound like a nice, sensitive guy and you may never really know what went wrong but, by all means, stop contacting her! It just makes you look needy and desperate--neither of which is an attractive quality. Just accept her decision like a mature adult, give yourself a reasonable amount of time to grieve and then get back out there.
2007-12-05 09:16:12 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This happens to almost every one. Did you see the movie "The run away bride". There was a missing fiance on CNN who had run!
It would be worse if you got married, and hurt your children, family, GOD and society, as well as yourselves, when the relationship fell apart.
Did you know each other at least a couple years before getting engaged? We really should, to revent this sort of disaster.
Did you really have a wedding date, or was she just a so-called "fiance", without a ring, unable to get YOU to go through with a marriage?
Do NOT call her again. See if she ends up calling you.
When did this happen? Maybe it is not "the end".
Perhaps, if you do not "BLOW it" first...a little time may allow her to change her mind. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder.
Pushing too hard only convinces her that you love YOU!!! Not her.
Stalking her is illegal and stupid. It is a lot like the motivation behind "date rape".
"I need space" means LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!
Take NO for an answer! Don't make me come over there!!! ;-)
If her parents like you, and you think she's acting stangely, you might ask them to talk to their daughter "to see if she is alright".
Here welfare should be your only concerm, if you really love her...not how much you cry. I knew a guy who behaved that way, and it turned out he WAS a mess, and she was well rid of him.
There are lots of fish in the sea. Go fish.
My guess is that you got engaged too quickly!
Maybe you were anxious to "get some", I know what guys want; and she finally figured out that you two are not compatible.
Females have good intuition. She is probably right. Quit calling her.
It is no deal if you want it but she does not. it takes 2 to "tango".
If you know a female who is holding a torch for her ex, the two of you should spend time together. It'll help you heal, to help her heal!
If you do not know such a girl, trust me, she is out there. Find her. There is some one for you. Apparently not her.
It is usually the guy who baulks at going through with a wedding date (if you really had a wedding date at all).
2007-12-05 09:33:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for you, it is bad enough when a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship breaks up, but to have been engaged would just be dreadful.
Don't keep calling her - i know you want to, you must be the type of person who needs answers and doesn't like tension or quarrels or problems left unresolved (i am just like that too and feel the same when my Husband and I have had an argument). I used to bug him and bug him and cry and cry and say "please talk to me about it". But he just wasn't that type of person - he needed space and wouldn't talk until he was ready.
Find something to occupy yourself with until she feels ready to talk to you. Something you enjoy doing - it isn't your fault - this sometimes happen and perhaps this relationship just wasn't meant to go into marriage. Better to find out now than after getting married. And, it may even resolve and you and her may become stronger and closer from this... or, it may be time for a change. Wait at least a couple of days, then maybe send her a thoughtful text message, just saying something like "I am so sorry you have made this decision, but I understand how you must be feeling. If there's anything you want to talk about, I am here for you anytime you need". Then leave "the ball in her court".
I can't imagine how heart-broken you must feel, but be strong and be brave and give her the time she has asked for - she will appreciate and respect and realise you really do love her if you are thoughtful to her wishes.
I wish you all the best with this situation
2007-12-05 09:27:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, my. I wish I was there with you right now!! You have to get yourself together, stop crying and do something you like to take your mind off her. Obviously this is not the right girl for you. These things "ALWAYS" happen for the best. I promise you there is another girl out there that you will fall in love with and then you will look back at this and wonder why you were so sad. Get out with some friends and if you start thinking about her find an interesting person to talk to. Every day it will get easier. The one think you don't want to do is keep calling her. It will only annoy her and make you sadder. Leave her alone and let her wonder about YOU.
2007-12-05 09:20:53 · answer #4 · answered by Linda D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First...>>CALM DOWN>>>BREATHE.....Cant say if it is another guy, but what I CAN tell you is to...QUIT CALLING HER. Sometimes when things like this happen, the other person needs to wonder what you are up to. If she thinks you are gonna "let go", it may very well be the thing that brings her back to you. It's a game of sorts, but if played the right way, can have the effect you want, i.e bring her back. Her not knowing really how to put into words her feelings, because she did not give you specific reasons, the phrase "I need some space" is the only way she can describe it. I know you have said that phrase at least ONCE in your life right ? Give her time to miss you, to cool her heels, and think straight. Are you smothering her ? Are you readly available and she does not think she has anything to fight for ? Are you TOO "there" for her ? She has to feel like SHE wants you. You are upset, and with reason, but you have to get a grip and put your poker face on. You need to be in CONTROL. It's a turnoff to see a grown man cry, you look weak, although you may not be, and Im sure of that fact, you have to realize it's all about PERCEPTION. Now is the time you have to step out of your comfort zone, and "man up", meaning appear in control, not needy or destroyed, and I guarantee it will make her think..."wow, maybe I AM replaceable". Begging, pleading, hoping wont get you back in her heart. Give her time to see how it's gonna be without you. True love will bring her back, if it's meant to be. Other than that, you have to prepare, hard as it is, to face life alone without her. It's tough, and sucks, but you cant make anybody love you right ? I suggest, strongly suggest, you get your butt over to the book store, and read "Men are from Mar's, Women are from Venus"..it explains the degrees of seperation, and togetherness, and what she might be going through inside. Take heart, most times, these thing work themselves out. DONT PANIC, it aint over, until it's over. Put the phone down, it is gonna make things harder for you, you have to be strong with yourself. If in fact she has another "interest", deal with it, she may need to test the waters, and find out that you are better for her than this other person, which happens in most cases, it's like "forbidden fruit" if you will, and I am not saying she has another person, probably does not, just if....get me ? You CAN do this. Write me @ kimyatwk2@yahoo.com for support. I feel for you, I really do because I have been in your shoes more than once. I speak from experience. It's gonna be ok dude, you can hang !
2007-12-05 09:35:50 · answer #5 · answered by kimmy3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be, are possibly, you smother her? Give her too much attnetion? She could just be tired. It doesn't mean it is any fault in you, she is having another issue. Do give her space, but also hold a firm ground that you are there for her when she is ready to come back.
You clearly love her a lot, but it isn't the end of the world. I'm sure it hurst, but in the end you will be okay. Maybe the honeymoon stage of your relationship is over, but that doesn't mean the relationship itself is over. Give her time and space, and distract yourself. It's okay.
The way it sounds, you were not aware of any problems. that may be the whole reason. If things are perfect, you've missed something or being way to bliss. Open your eyes. Did you ever get annoyed by things she did? Did you annoy her?
2007-12-05 09:18:50 · answer #6 · answered by wavingpickle02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she told you she needs space, you need to stop calling her first of all. There may be another guy, but there would have been other signals than her just "needing space." She could be feeling trapped b/c of an impending marriage and have cold feet. Give her a couple of days and then write her a letter and drop it in her mailbox. You can say all the things you want to say and she can't argue or hang up on you. Give it a couple more days and then try to call her, ONCE. If she doesn't pick up, leave a message. You need to step back a little bit, b/c if she is feeling suffocated, calling her constantly is only going to push her further away. Good luck!
2007-12-05 09:14:55 · answer #7 · answered by ♀Redheaded Sunshine☼ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You will come to realize it really doesn't matter why and even if she tells you she will probably lie --- she has already said it in vague terms to try to avoid a more difficult truth. You can't make someone love you --- a hard life lesson but a good one. You need to focus on healing yourself and then finding someone that is right for you....write her off as an almost.
In any event being sad is OK. Try living your life as normal as possible (work, other interests, family etc.) and find some support in family in friends. If you don't snap out of it in a few days then you should see a doctor cause you may be clinically depressed.
2007-12-05 09:19:48 · answer #8 · answered by George 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means she needs space. Do that. Stop all calls, texts and IM. Give her the space she needs. In the mean time you need to use this time to think about your life. Start putting fun into your day, go out with mates at every opportunity. Put a smile on your face (even if you dont feel like it) and start enjoying yourself. That way you will meet new people.If she decides she made a mistake, you then have the power to decide if you want her.
2007-12-05 09:19:04 · answer #9 · answered by Freckles2 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Calm down,,,We all have been through this at one point. You came to the right place to vent. I haven't read the rest of the answers but I'm sure there's good positive feedback in some of them. This is a painful time for you. Nobody will understand your pain like you. I know even breathing is hard right now. Then fustration sets in. Look,,,eat something, try to keep busy. Surround yourself with positive support. Don't call her ( I know first hand how difficult that is),,get a self help book,,like "The divorce remedy by Michele Weiner) it will help you even if you are not married. Work on yourself,,,take care of your self,,give her the space,,and utilize the time to transform yourself into that men that once she felt for....good luck
2007-12-05 09:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋