Been married 8 months. B4 my b-day he asks me what I want and I give him several reasonable ideas. All under $50 not that $ is an issue. On my bday I get nothing. He invites his parents over even though I have flu very bad and they don't even bring a card. I still haven't gotten anything and its 2 mo later. He knows feelings hurt but i don't keep bringing it up. He cancels plans with me (we rarely get to go out alone because of kids, he works a lot and sometimes out of town) like its no big deal. I thought he was just that way, but recently I notice he doesn't do that to anyone else. His parents asked us to come get Xmas tree with them and I said OK, but then told him I wanted to do it another day, not feeling well. He was so upset to cancel these plans. We see his parents several times/week and go on vacations with them. They are very nice people and treat me well but what gives? I feel bad and don't know what to do. Not like this at all before we got married. I treat him VERY well.
2007-12-05 08:55:07 · 26 answers · asked by Sushieater 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you already know what the problem is. Kind as they are, it's the parents. I'm a mother-in-law and I've been through this and it's not an easy situation. We love and need our family, but the couple needs their private time, too. You two need to have a sit down and clear the air. Express YOUR feels, don't say this and that about your in-laws or your husband. You are the wife and you have to assert your rightful place in this relationship, but do it with kindness and love. Stop taking the back seat. I think you should take your second to the last sentence of your question and ask him--you sense that your relationship has changed since you got married. You feel hurt and unloved because he didn't treat you to something special on your birthday, that he seems to love and care for his parents' feelings more than he cares for yours. Honey, I want us--you especially--to be happy but I don't know what else I can do and it seems like our relationship is falling apart. When you don't want to do something with the in-laws, say it point blank. Don't say yes, when you mean no, and then backtrack later--your are his wife, you have an equal place.
2007-12-05 09:13:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since I was little, in every place I have stayed overnight, I have ran through my escape route in my head before going to sleep. I even go through different scenarios - if this door was blocked, i'd get out this way, if there were an intruder, I'd reach this phone for the police - if there were a fire here, I could use this window... I don't know why. I know there was a small house fire in my home when I was younger, but no harm came to anyone. I have become particularly nervous of intruders since our house was burgled a year and a half ago too. I feel the same way about spiders, they have been known to bring on asthma attacks for me. I keep an inhalor in every room in the house in case I have to barricade myself in away from the evil 8 legged monster!
2016-04-07 11:23:18 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Agreed - be careful because it's possible that the better you treat him the worse he might treat you.
It's VERY strange that he didn't buy you anything for your birthday. Please think carefully and objectively about that relationship and what is going on with it.
You may need a bit more time before you have enough hindsight about what has been going on to be confident of any conclusions. It's sad, but in some relationships we need to take a step back and reassess the whole thing. Kids come first of course, but I would say, be careful. A relationship where someone takes you for granted is bad news, and may well not change.
2007-12-05 09:05:25 · answer #3 · answered by joe 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well lady time for you to give him just desserts! When he invites the parents over on ur b'day again politely say to them you've made other plans as it is the day of your b'day.....this should show ur hubby up in front of them especially if he hasn't give you a prezzie as well. Then leave him with his parents while you go out and have a BLAST!!! return home at a reasonable hour ummmm 1pm should do it then rave on till the morning about the good time you had hopefully he will note this and remember your b'days from now on
2007-12-05 09:12:07 · answer #4 · answered by Janice G 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to him about it. What is up with him treating you like that? If he acts like he is mad or ignores you, there may be an underlying problem. Guys tend to get selfish when they are used to not spending a lot of time with you or they work different hours. Don't stand for it. Communication is the key. Don't keep letting it go the way it was. The more you do this, the more he will consider it to be acceptable behavior.
2007-12-05 08:59:41 · answer #5 · answered by bonstermonster20 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your husband sounds like he could be easily distracted, and some spouses notoriously forget birthdays and anniversaries, even when they are reminded ahead of time. If my husband forgot my birthday, I don't think I'd stew about it for two months -- (a day or two maybe, and then I'd speak up:) Anyway, he probably won't take any hints that he's being inconsiderate, and perhaps doesn't really mean to be. You might have to take him aside and let him know how these slights hurt your feelings. Chances are, it's not intentional on his part, it's just that some people are clueless as to the feelings of others.
2007-12-05 09:03:01 · answer #6 · answered by gldjns 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is a true statement, the better you treat them the worse they treat you. Back off on the treating him like a king stuff for a while, he has some catching up to do.
2007-12-05 08:58:19 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
There is your problem, If you treat him like the King and yourself the doormat then he will just think that is the way it is. He is the King and you are the doormat. Ever heard of a king celebrating the doormat's birthday? It's time to treat yourself.
2007-12-05 09:10:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like he is taking u for granted. maybe he feels like no matter how he treats u that u will always be by his side. n if i had to guess...he doesn't feel that way about his family.
this is the bottome line....u r his wife...u r to be put first n treated like a queen. u need to sit him aside n talk to him about this. tell him that enough is enough n he needs to change n stop taking u 4 granted. eventually u will not have it anymore...u will leave.
unfortunately...this is what happens when u put your marriage second. it ALWAYS fails...so tell him he needs to change...put u first or your marriage will not work. try counseling if need be..good luck
2007-12-05 09:00:54 · answer #9 · answered by me 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
give him coal in his stocking! LOL.
tell him how you feel. explain EVERYTHING to him. he has no right to cancel all plans w/ you and not be upset but be upset when you cancel w/ his parents..
seems like he's putting his parents b4 you which is totally unfair..
tell him.. i had the kids. we have a great family. we need family time together. it's the holidays! be happy & merry!
:)
2007-12-05 08:59:31 · answer #10 · answered by ♡☮taaraa 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋