Married Women Only!! Mature Minded?

Question

I recently came home from jail (4 years). Before I went in my wife said she'll stick buy me. When I was in jail my wife refinanced the house and now the mortgage is through the roof. I have been home now for 3 month and unable to find a job (im actively looking). Now all she does is complain about bills piling up and how i'm not helping out.She didn't let me use her car to on everal interviews and I had to take pub. transpo. She constantly says i need to "be a real man" and hes more naggy and verbally disrepectful since I came home.Recently we mutally agreed that I stay with my brother until "we get ourselves together". When I call to come over or try to talk to her its just not there. I doubt it's another man because the bills are still past due. If I get a job and move on with my life separatly am I wrong. Or if she suddenly wants me back is she wrong. How would married women treat their husband if he fell on hard luck?P.S when I was working I contributed to everything. Im not a slob

Answer 1

Well,
You know she's angry and embarrassed because you were locked up all those years; leaving her behind to pull it all off alone.

It's hard out there for anyone who is looking for a job; double that if you are a black man with a felony record.

I don't know how old you two are; but maybe you have outgrown each other. I suggest that you continue your job search, secure employment and get yourself back on your feet so that you can feel good about you.

If this relationship was meant to be then it will be. No one deserves to be disrespected it will just drag you both down. So no you are not wrong to move on with your live seperately; if she is unwilling to work on the relationship and YOU are truly trying your best to be the best you can be.

You can't rewrite history; but you can write your future.

Answer 2

As a woman thats been thru this situation, I've been with my husband for 8 years and he has been to prison befor. I know it's rough for felons to get a job in the first place and it takes time, and as a wife and mother who sometimes has to pay all the bills and rent by myself it gets stressful and I do the same thing nag and complain and cry but not constantly, my husband just does what he cans and whatever money he makes he gladly contribute it to the household. Just do what ever you can to get a job take anything at this point cause even minimum wage is better then $0 and it'll help out in some way. Well good luck and remember she was there for you when you were in prison so be there for her just give her a break it gets stressful. Maybe while your home and she's working you can throw out the trash make dinner and pick up around the house, I know I would appreciate that.

Answer 3

I don't know why you went to jail, but she's lost respect for you. She's had to manage all along by herself and the pressure is getting to her. She's had a lot to manage; she doesn't need another dependent to look after, too. She may also be embarrassed to be married to a ex-convict.

Have you improved your life in a way that she would notice or be proud of? Do you hang out with the same people you did prior to your conviction?

Once you are gainfully employed and contributing to the household, she might be able to relax a little, but you need to find out what she thinks the problem is between you two. If you decide to split up, be fair to her and don't wait until you get a job to do so. Move out and stay with a relative until you are hired somewhere.

I'm curious. Why do you assume that there is no other man simply because the bills are still past due? A woman's romantic interest doesn't automatically take care of her financially.

Answer 4

It sounds like there's fault on both sides. Your wife is wrong for not forgiving you for whatever you did to go to jail in the first place. She's still resenting you for that whether she says it or not. She's wrong for putting all her fears and frustrations on you without just talking to you - using better communication. She's also wrong for not being positive and encouraging as you try to get your life back together.

Now, you are wrong for thinking you can screw up, go to jail, and then think she's going to welcome you home with open arms. You have 4 years to make up to her. You have no idea the stuff she probably went through while you were in jail. You need to be sensitive to that. The 2 of you need better communication skills. You must be willing to sit down and talk through your secret feelings, any resentment, etc. If the 2 of you can't do that, then it doesn't sound like there's much hope for this r'ship.

Answer 5

I would have to ask if you still love her and if you think she still loves you? that's the only reason to try and work it out. maybe find some free counseling if available.
I doubt living with your brother is the answer, you've been living apart for 4 years. I"m not going to judge either of you, that's a long time to be apart, but I think you need to start first with if you still want to be married or not
she could have been hanging to the marriage so she didn't have to "commit" to something else, having bills has nothing to do with having someone else on the side, sorry to say

find the help if that's what you want, or walk away, she's just going to keep pulling you down and blaming you if its as bad as it sounds

Answer 6

Advice would be take this time to find a job and try to work on the marriage living apart if it still doesnt work than you need to let go and move on. It doesnt always mean there is another man but maybe the fact that she has had to deal with bills, family and house all on her own and is frustrated with the fact that you cant just jump in and take over. Talk to her and find a neutral ground as to where this relationship will go and just take it from there.

Answer 7

4 years is a very long time to spend apart and it would strain even the strongest of relationships. And when you add financial problems to the mix, well, she's gasoline and you're the match. She has been carrying the load all the time that you were gone, alone, and she is probably (understandably) resentful for it. However, if you feel that you need to go your seperate ways, then you should, it's not wrong, but be prepared for divorce court, because you could end up having to bear some of the financial responsibilities still. Good luck!

Answer 8

What were you in prison for? 4 years is quite a long time and maybe being apart for so long has let the rot set in. She may find it strange having you around the place when she's been used to being on her own for so long. It might be that she needs to re adjust to living with you again or she may just have moved on and not really have any use for you anymore (sorry to sound harsh) but people change. Whatever the case, you don't want to be with someone who disrespects you and undermines you, so don't stay if its just out of habit or loyalty. Maybe you need to move on too.

Answer 9

Maybe she feel as if you walked out on her life and all these bills have mounted up and she can't handle it anymore and now your back out of jail and she feels like your not contributing... Think about it this way.. she has stayed with you for 4 years while you were away I think you both need to sort it out. have a talk with her and ask her what she wants to you do and let her know that you are activley looking for a job and that you need her support to find one. good luck.. P.S I would never leave my man if he was going through a tough time as long as he is faithful and treats me with respect i would never leave him

Answer 10

you need to understand that she was holding it down for you while you were doing time. it frustrates her to have all these bills and all she wants is some help from you. is that to much to ask for. she needs a break from all this stress and you need to jump on it and get a job quick. moving with your brother is just plain wrong. im sure if she wanted to get another man that wouldnt be a problem its just that she was trying to get things right for you. now what you need to do is tell her everything is going to be ok and show her that you really want to help her.