Can your spouse have a close friend of the opposite sex?

Question

My husband a friend, he can talk to her on a personal level.
He use to talk and text her all the time until I said something. It has slowed down since then. But know he wants my permission again to talk to her. I told him it bothers me for him to even talk or text her. He says Im being paranoid. Please help WHat do you think?

Answer 1

I have a female friend from High School. There's no romance, and never will be. My ex-wife was jealous, my current wife is suspicous, but I told her, if there was going to be a romance, it would have happened sometime in the past 25 years.

I don't have much contact with my old friend mostly out of respect for my wife. But my friend called a few weeks ago, needing help, and I helped, because she's an old friend.

Answer 2

I think it depends on how much they are talking and texting for starters. I also feel that a friendship that is too close and personal with another woman, may take something special away from you. Or it may feel that way. If it makes you uncomfortable then he should stop and it sounds like he did slow down when you said something. Have you met this woman? Do you feel she is trustworthy? Those are things to consider too. It is healthy to have friendships, but only if it does NOT jeopardize the marriage or relationship. Your feelings should be put first. You are his wife. I wuold talk it out and tell him how you feel and maybe even compromise. Decide if maybe you would be more comfortable with emails instead or once a week calls. If you feel you just can't handle it, then be honest about that and tell him you can't handle any contact. Finding a middle ground is a good idea, if possible and as long as there is no threat to your marriage. Best wishes sweetie and just to add, it would bother me a bit too.

Answer 3

Yes, it is perfectly normal and okay for people to have good, close and personal friends of the opposite sex. One of my best friends in the whole world is a female and I can tell her anything and everything. My wife knows that I talk to her about personal things, and while she may not like it, she also realizes that our relationship was like this long before I ever met her. I guess it helps that she lives 6 hours away too and she knows that there is nothing going on, but still.....you have to trust your spouse and allow them to still have close friends no matter the sex.

Answer 4

If hes being secretive about it then Id worry but if hes out in the open talking to her and even getting together with you and her I wouldnt worry. Might be over thinking this one. Try to see what level on personal their relationship is and then take it from there, but if all this bothers you no matter if its on a very platonic level then tell him so and keep it how it is. Never hold anything back because when the time is wrong you will explode and it will go in the wrong direction pushing him closer towards her.

Answer 5

Personally...H*E*L*L* no...and thats something my husband taught me. He knows he cant have 'friends' of the opposite sex and he doesnt want me to have any either. Talking on the phone or texting is a no no. If you follow the world's 'rules' then you are setting yourself up for divorce, infidelity, mistrust and deceit.

You have to guard your marriage. What he's talking about is like leaving your car doors open and the keys in the ignition and hoping that no one steals the car.

Let him call you paranoid, I wouldnt BUDGE.

Answer 6

It is not acceptable in my marraige, and it shouldn't be in yours.

I'm a husband and I wouldn't have the time or energy after working to want to, or even care to have, let alone talk to, or text a female other than my wife.

It would take something (such as me being attracted to and wanting something more than casual) for me to pursue having a female friend.

Your husband is strange or immature, or he is attracted to this female if he is going through the trouble of troubling you for permission to proceed with his communications with what should be a meaningless person/friend.

Answer 7

What if you say no, and they stay friends anyway... then 1) he HAD to go behind your back because you wouldn't allow/accept the friendship, and 2) now your just even more mad & hurt. Sometimes you can't help who your friends with, or how others view it.

The way I see it, unless you truly have a reason to distrust her, then just put all your trust in your husband. If you can't trust him, then why are you with him?

If they can "take" him, then they can "have" him. Otherwise... be content that he comes home to you every night...

But honey... if he has given you a reason to distrust... then chop it off, freeze it, and save it for the hard times! And don't look back!

Answer 8

I don't see anything wrong with people having friends of the opposite sex. My best friend is a man, his wife doesn't like it but she knows we are friends and going to talk. People need to be secure in their marriage or relationship and trust the other person.

Answer 9

You're probably being paranoid. My best friend for the past 40 years is a man (yeah I'm a female). We knew each other long before he met his wife, I attended their wedding, I am godmother to their eldest child as well as eldest grandchild. He and I have continued to be best friends all throughout their marriage and there has been nothing other than friendship between us. Obviously his wife is a very strong, self reliant, self assured, confident woman and I am proud to have her among one of my good friend's as well.

Answer 10

YOU SHOULD BE HIS CLOSE FRIEND!!!!
No, he shouldn't have a close friend of the opposite sex. They may have been together alone a million times, but it doesn't take much from there to get into bed. If he has an emotional connection with her, that's something he doesn't have with YOU.
He's jerking you around, trying to make you think you are crazy when he's probably thinking about sleeping around.