My husband was married before with a 9 yr old son who we have 50% of the time and alternating holidays. This is our yr to have his son for x-mas. Because of this my husband wants to spend x-mas with his family. His family is local and both my hus and his son see them weekly.My family is out of state and we only see then 2-3 times a yr. My husband told me the yrs he has his son for x-mas he does not want to spend with my family but his. On the yrs he does not have his son we can spend with my family. I guess i just feel hurt he would not want his son with him to spend x-mas with my family(who loves his son) who lives far away and don't get to see us much. Please tell me an I over reacting? Is the "deal" he want to do fair?
2007-12-05 07:52:24 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
his son should be able to be a part of your family, too, it's better for him, and gives him so much more family. And they should be able to see him too, he is your step-son.
2007-12-05 07:57:08 · answer #1 · answered by jezzabell 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Would it be possible to have a barbeque with both families involved on christmas day? Why does it have to be either or? Your home could be the centre for the family christmas. But think carefully before you commit to that coz it can be a serious headache if there's tension in the family.
Why not hang out with your family for New Years? You can make that as special as christmas- after all, it's jst a date! And find out what the son wants, you can't treat him like a tennis ball!
I don't think it's really fair, but I can see your husbands reasoning. I would feel very excluded and unvalued in your situation- it's like because you're not his biological parent u don't matter as much, which sucks especially if you and your stepson are close. On the other hand, he does only get to have christmas with his son every two years, and mayb his mum is pressuring him about it?
Talk about it, tell him how you feel. You might have to let this one go, but f you work at it there could be an option that works for you both.
2007-12-05 08:01:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he not only wants to be fair. I think you need to look at it from his point of view. Even though your family lives far and lives his son, it is not his family. Your husband is trying to spend the holidays with his son and his side. This also might be to keep peace with the ex. I would not be upset. I also would look to see your family more often then 2-3 times a year. I would work on them coming for a visit or you going for a visit more often rather then fight over a holiday.
2007-12-05 08:50:38 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband agrees to spending alternate years with your family, he's being fair. As far as the son is concerned, why not have your family come to spend Christmas with you and your husband, the years he doesn't spend with his family? That way, your parents would get a chance to see the boy and spend some time with him. Or better yet, why not spend at least one Christmas with both families, or if that isn't feasible, spend Thanksgiving with one family, and Christmas with the other, on an alternating basis, and include the boy at the Thanksgiving holiday? There are ways around this, if you and your husband can agree to compromise a step further than you already have. It's important for his son to spend time with both families, especially since they both love him.
2007-12-05 08:03:01 · answer #4 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all it is his son, so in this point your second, not first. But then I read on and maybe you should talk to your husband about bring your son and his to spend Christmas with your parents also one year. it doesn't have to be this year, but one.
The lesson and see what you see and hear from the man you loved enough to marry and take his child and raise ever other week.
Second marriages are hard at best, but worse if you tear up the family life of the child. And at 9 maybe this is what he knows, and you didn't say how long you two had been married, I think that should come into play also.
Marry Christmas, and I wish you all many more Together!
johnny
2007-12-05 08:00:24 · answer #5 · answered by John M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can see why you feel hurt over this. maybe you and your husband should both ask his son who he would like to spend christmas with and then take it from there. OR you and your husband need to come to an agreement. Every holiday that you get his son then you can spend it with your husbands family, then the holidays you do not have his son you two can go visit your family. Not saying that you don't but....Do you and the son's mother get along? if not then the child's mother might have threatened to take away your husband's visitation if you all took them to your family's house for the holiday and your husband didn't want to hurt your feelings and tell you she said that..or maybe his parents demanded he bring his son to their house so they could see him etc. sorry if i'm sounding mean or paranoid...i work with men and women going through the visitation thing and i see a lot of people hanging the visitation rights over the others head to get what they want. sorry if i sound a bit cynical.
2007-12-05 08:04:43 · answer #6 · answered by farah_monday 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your dilemma that you've explained and you did say that you are MARRIED! Your Husband shouldn't get to make the choice alone, it should be the both of you deciding what to do and how to enjoy it. That's why people marry.... to spend the rest of our life together with the one we love and be a "FAMILY." It appears that there is a lot of love shared within the family on both sides and for some reason your Husband seems a bit selfish of him to not to split time between your family and his family. By your Hubby making the choice alone without your input, is unfair and unhonorable to the marriage. My advice to you.... Alternate Holidays with both sides of the family when you have your step Son with you. So every other Holiday (big or small) make the most of it. This way, you will be able to prepare in advance for an early (or late) Christmas with your side of the family and this lucky young boy. You have a big heart filled with love, so be creative when challenges like this are given to you. Don't sacrifice your happiness for his, it needs to be mutual to be healthy. Should your Husband stand firm and not concede his decision, then you may need to take extreme measures and visit your family for Christmas alone. I wouldn't want that for you. I just wonder what your Husband truly wants for you and the marriage. Best wishes to you! ;o) Trish ~
2016-05-28 08:04:06 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has 2 daughters from a previous relationship and they know my family very well. There is no reason that he should have to stay home for christmas. Maybe you could offer a solution like having his side of the family get together the week before christmas, where everyone gets together and exchanges gifts so they are not missing out on anything.
2007-12-05 08:12:44 · answer #8 · answered by motherof3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you have kids you'll know how it feels. I understand why your husband wants his son to be with his family. Afterall, his son is their grandchild. Let him have this christmas. I know your family love his son but it's not the same. And it will never be the same. Boy, wait until you have your own kids. Every holiday will be a war. So...once you get pregnant talk to him about a plan on how to spend Christmas each year. Don't let him just take this for granted.
2007-12-05 08:05:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands compromise on the holidays is a very fair one. I can understand him wanting his son to be with his family on the holidays. Even though your family loves his son, I am sure in a way the kid doesn't feel like he fits in. And would probably prefer to be with his own grandparents, and family. It isn't anything against your family I am sure. But I know when I was kid, I couldn't wait to go to my grandparents on Christmas, even though I seen them every Sunday.
Don't take it personal, your husband is just trying to make sure his son has a good Christmas.
2007-12-05 08:00:23 · answer #10 · answered by cris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We will all have opinions, however, only yours and your husbands really matter. But, yes I think it is fair. I understand your family wanting to see your step child, but, what does the son say about this. He is not to young to give his opinion. Ask. But I also think that maybe you could invite your family out to where you are so you can have everyone around at Christmas. Good luck and happy holidays.
2007-12-05 08:14:12 · answer #11 · answered by Only In Dreams 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋