My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and I have stayed at home with the kids while he has worked. He has never let me buy him anything for any of those important holidays or just because I wanted to. He feels that since he makes the money he will just buy for himself which means whatever he wants. I dont even get to buy for my friends and their kids or my neices for any occassion is this the way it should be if you stay at home and dont bring in the money?
2007-12-05 07:44:32 · 16 answers · asked by hotmoma1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have no family besides my own I have created my sister her kids and my inlaws. i cant work b/c son is in pre-k other in another school and husband works 12 hour shifts and gone 15 a day. I have no help from anyone. He makes good money not to brag but then he always complains that he never gets anything then it backfires when I would lioke to have something for important holidays,anniv,valentines. He is to greedy w/ his money.
2007-12-05 07:55:36 · update #1
I am a stay at home mom. There is no "his money" "my money". Realizing I don't contribute financially. I do contribute by taking care of everything while he is at work. Just because you are home doesn't mean you aren't working. We have joint everything, and he has never told me I wasn't allowed to buy anything. Ever. I work just as hard as he does. He has the glory of going to work, and coming home to a clean house, clean pajamas to wear around the house, and a hot meal to eat. Also all is clothes magically appear in his drawers, the bill's magically get paid, and there are always snacks stocked in the fridge and cupboards. Not to mention taking care of the kids and pets too. He appreciates me and what I do, just as much as I appreciate him. We are equals. He actually gives me a list of things he would like for birthday's and Christmas.
Added:
(They did a study a little while ago, and it estimated stay-at-home moms would earn $131,471 per year for all the jobs that they hold)
2007-12-05 07:55:18 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know how long you have been married, but if the home was bought after the two of you were married or had your first child together then it is equally yours as long as a prenuptual agreement was never signed. You could always file for divorce and have him leave the residence. If this is not an option for you, then you can always pick up and leave, file for a legal separation, file for housing assistance, an get food stamps. As a mother of three, you have a lot of options. If you are unable to get a decent job, you can also apply for assistance for schooling. You will get full benefits and possibly very cheap to free daycare. If you are a single mother, the state will pay for college and the daycare because in the long run it is cheaper to do this than provide welfare and health insurance until the children are eighteen, not to mention the housing assistance. If I were you, I would file the legal separation and change the locks on the house and lovingly pack his belongings. I do not kno what the circumstances are behind your need for divorce, but you have the children and they are entitled to the comforts of home no matter the circumstances. Then I would go to the state welfare office, apply for welfare, food stamps, health insurance, schooling assistance, child care assisstance, and legal aid. You will need the legal aid for the divorce and for collecting child support. If you want to keep the house, I would ask that his child support be just the mortgage payment. If you do not wan tthat, then the legal aid will handle all of that. If you are smart you will make sure you have all of the children's personal things (birth certificates and shot records and SS#) and make sure you have the previous years taxes (From this past April). That way you have all of the neccessary papers to begin any paperwork for the above.
2016-04-07 11:14:36 · answer #2 · answered by Jane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a stay at home mom with my own Mary Kay business so I don't work a whole lot about 6 -10 hours a week. My first job is Mom but I am able to have time for me to be someone other then mom and make some money at the same time.
Just because you don't bring in an income you are supporting him in making his income you care for the home and the children if in daycare it would cost money so you are a valuable part of the team and don't feel otherwise.
2007-12-06 11:12:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you do not make any money you should still have access to some. The money is not his, it is both of yours. That is how marriages work. Each spouse has a roll. At your house it is for him to work and for you to take care of the family. Since this is what the both of you want you should not be punished for it. He sounds like he thinks that he is superior because he earns the money. You can only spend what you are told. You can't even pick out a gift for him. Does he think that because you do not work you cannot know what he would like? I would have stopped this long ago. Tell him how you feel and that it needs to change. This sounds like prison to me. If I were in your shoes and he still would not give in I would get my own job so that I could have my own money. It might not sound ideal to you but it would do a world of good for your self worth. I work night shift and my husband works days. I work while everyone sleeps and I sleep while the kids are in school. Good luck.
2007-12-05 08:03:18 · answer #4 · answered by kim h 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start charging him for babysitting, cleaning the house, chauffering the kids around, and cooking the meals. I am a stay at home mom and this is not the way it is in my house! Sometimes my husband will give me money here and there and tell me, "This money is for you. Do not buy something for the kids, do not spend it on groceries, it is just for you to use." Have you ever talked about this with him? He should value all that you give to the family. If he still doesn't fork out the dough, you could try some kind of home based business to make your own spending money.
2007-12-05 07:54:29 · answer #5 · answered by im sure 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no, that's not the way it should be at all. Just because you don't bring in a paycheck, does not mean that you are not contributing to the household....and that means you should have an equal say in the finances.
That being said, I always thought it was kind of lame to ask him for money to go and buy him a gift. When I get money as a gift from family, I usually spend it on him or the kids.
2007-12-05 07:54:38 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. GTO 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a stay at home wife....and I've been married for almost ten years. Even though he works...it's our money. I work....in the home. I clean and wash and do all those things that make our house a home. All the things that HE doesn't have to do when he gets home.
I buy him presents ALL the time and not just for holidays.
Like I said, he may work outside tha home...but it's a 50-50 relationship.
A man who wants total control over the money...wants total control over you.
2007-12-05 08:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Wolfy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
crazy enough i am in the same situation. what i have been doing is i have been stealing money from him here and there. just a little at a time so he never notices. when he comes home drunk i wipe out his whole wallet, i haven't gotten caught yet! just 20 more days and i can get him the best present ever!
i guess what i am trying to tell you is that we have every right to dig our hands into some of that money. we are the ones that work 24/7 not them, they think we sit around eating bon-bons all day. men love control, so let him think he wears the pants in the family. when really us hard working mothers are the boss! good luck on finally having a wonderful Christmas!
2007-12-05 08:07:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife stays home with our three (#4 on the way) and she also home schools them. We live on a budget and in that budget we each get spending money every month that we can spend any way we want! (we each get $100 a month) SO, her money is hers and my money is mine and the rest is in the HOUSEHOLD account!
Lots of people are scared of a "budget" but really it is just a spending plan and it is very freeing. If there is money in the budget for clothes then you can buy some new clothes, if there is money in entertainment then go out to eat or take a vacation!
Got to recommend the budget!
ALSO a Christmas account is a MUST! Start putting money aside in January and use only the Christmas account on gifts for Christmas.
2007-12-05 07:56:06 · answer #9 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hell No it shouldn't he should be treating you equal geez his Job is hard I am sure and he brings in the money yes but he should be considering you his lil princess! You have rights to that money to you are married! If he is going to be a jerk about it you should go get a part time Job!
My Husband lets me shop for my Family for holidays and I have a debit card to out Joint accounts and a check book to all of the accounts and his online passwords! He treasures me because I stay home with our son and and clean house and cook! He seriously thinks I am so hot for doing it and calls me his little princess and if we have the means for it he lets me do whatever I want as far as that sort of thing goes if it means something to me then it means something to him! I help my dad out two days a week for like 4-6 hours total so I get checks less than $100. each week but thats my Money for what ever I want my husband couldn't live with himself if he used some of that money lol! You husband should really be giving you equal rights to that money and what you buy is your business if its in budget!
" He is to greedy w/ his money." You and him both need to learn that its BOTH our yours! Good Luck!
2007-12-05 07:55:52 · answer #10 · answered by Amberlyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋