My dad is getting married, what do I do?

Question

My parents got divorced about two years ago and I'm over it.
I live with my mom, but see my dad on the weekends.
Once, I met his friend Carrie, she seemed nice, but I couldn't cope with her. She kept telling me to appriciate my dad and the things he does for me. Which is what my mom tells me too. And both my parents always tell me to speak my mind so I said, "I already have a mom to tell me these things, I don't need you to." She seemed offended, I didn't care, she isn't my mom and she never will be.
I didn't even know they were dating, my dad just says 'friend'.
They have been 'friends' for 5 months now, and my dad said they are getting married in February and my sister and I might be able to live with them.

What do I do?

Answer 1

Ariel - First of all, DON'T PANIC! If your mom has custody of you, your father can't just move you and your sister in with him. Maybe he just meant that you and your sister could visit on the weekends. Ask your mom.

Second, if your dad marries his girlfriend, it will not be the end of the world. Look around at your friends - I'll bet lots of them have step-parents. As you said, your father's girlfriend is not your mother and never will be. Just be polite to her when you're around her, and don't worry about her when you're not.

My parents divorced when I was in high school and my dad remarried. My step-mother was sometimes difficult to deal with but she was not a WICKED step-mother. She did not try to poison me with an apple (Snow White) or make me sit in the fireplace to keep warm (Cinderella). Strange as it may seem, I even got to like her.

No matter what happens, just know YOU WILL BE OKAY.

Answer 2

I can understand why you feel so squeamish about this marriage. But think about what SHE must be thinking: "Gee, I love this guy, but I don't know how I'm going to cope with his backtalking daughter!"

Some of your anger toward her might really be about your parents' divorce. Very few kids like the idea of one of their parents marrying someone else. That's very understandable.

(It's great that you feel comfortable speaking your mind. But one thing we learn with experience is that there are ways to do that without being rude.)

Perhaps you could approach Carrie and acknowledge that the two of you got off to a bad start, but that you would like to try to make this work. Not that you have to say you are going to get all lovey-dovey with her, but just clear the air. I bet she will be relieved!

As for living arrangements later, I would hope that you have a say in that and that everyone inolved would respect your wishes.

Divorce sucks, doesn't it?. (there's been plenty of it among our family and friends). I'm sorry you are going through this.

Answer 3

Well, honestly, you didn't have to be such a smart mouth. She is not your mom but you still have to respect her. Now, she really has no business tell you those things when she was just the "friend". Instead she should be focusing on establishing a relationship with you. Now the two of you will need to grow up and put this incident behind you. Even if you don't want to go live with your Dad, you still have to be nice and respect her. It's her house now.

Answer 4

You probably hurt her feelings. She is trying to connect with you and might not know how to do it. She probably wants you to like her and the only thing you have in common is your dad. I would not think that she is trying to replace your mother. She is trying to find a place in your life for her. It is good to speak your mind but I would be a little more tactful about it. Some parents are afraid to tell their kids that they are dating. He might not have known what to say or he might not have wanted to deal with it. A lot of kids take this hard and cause problems. It is hard to say. I would give the woman a chance. She is going to be your dads wife and she will be in your life. If she gives you reason to not like her than I can see but so far she has not. She is probably as worried about this as you are. She just might be a good thing for you, have an open mind. Good luck with this.

Answer 5

First you lighten up on her and give her a chance even if you don't want to, she might not be all that bad of a person once you get to know her. Your parents got divorced 2 years ago and she started dating your father 5 months ago so your parents getting divorced was between them it didn't have anything to do with this woman.

And you might yourself wind up in the same situation one day.

Answer 6

you say and i quote " I'm over it" obviously not, otherwise you would be happy that your father has found some one else to continue life with. Not to mention the typical "I already have a mom to tell me these things, I don't need you to." is another example of how you are not over it as you say. My advice for you is to grow up.

Answer 7

My dad did the same thing and i look back and wish i coulda stayed with my mom.
i dont like his wife and i STILL dont but i gotta deal with her to make my dad happy and once he gets married she has guardian rights and she can tell you what to do.

or atleast thats what the courts told me.
i would so much rather live with my mom.
just think it all through and listen to what YOU want.
not what anyone else wants.

hope i helped.
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