Would this make you feel awkward?

Question

Quick background: I am going through a divorce right now, and things are actually getting a little easier. My soon-to-be ex and I have had a few talks about a lot of stuff. The split is over something that happened several years ago, and just couldn't be let go, but in the meantime, enough time has passed, and enough changes have been made, for things to go relatively calmly, because we've both been able to realize it's in the past. So there isn't any present hatred or anything.

He is seeing someone, VERY soon after moving out, though. It hurts me a lot, but I am trying to deal with it, and am starting to come to accept it a little more. And my kids are crazy about her. Even I have to admit, she does seem genuinely nice.

This afternoon, my sons (4 & 6) and I were talking about making Christmas cookies, and a little later, about Christmas presents. My six-year-old wanted to know if I'd help him make cookies for "Miss C" for a xmas gift. (NOT FINISHED)

Anyway, I don't really have a problem with it, so I don't think it would kill me emotionally or anything like that. And as I said, she seems like a really nice person, for the most part.

For all three adults involved (my ex, me, and his girlfriend), would you feel awkward if you were our positions?

I think I would be okay with helping them make a gift for her.

But I don't know if it would be awkward for my ex, or for her, seeing as it would be fairly obvious I was involved.

What do you think?

Do you folks just not read the (NOT FINISHED) at the end of the first part of the question?

I'm okay with it (I think). I actually want to know if THEY would likely feel awkward.

I don't think I'm being overly jealous in any way. If I were jealous, I wouldn't even be contemplating this.

And I have no intention of dating right now. I am only very recently separated from my husband, I still love him, and until I would feel like getting into a relationship for the right reasons, I'm not going to date just to get over my husband. There's just too much baggage and too much I need to deal with internally before I get mixed up with another man. It's not a healthy thing to do.

Butter: I don't know if you have divorced parents, or if you are a divorced parent, but I'm telling you, unless one parent is just a deadbeat, completely abandoning the other parent and the child, a divorced parent's relationship with the ex-spouse is NEVER "out."

My parents divorced after my sisters and I were grown. All of the softball games, the birthday parties, the graduations were done, but they still have to maintain a relationship because now, it's not just about me and my two sisters. It's about me, my two sisters, and our six children.

And I'm one of those moms who will NOT send my kids over to a friend's house if I haven't gotten to know the friend's parents. I'm sure not going to let them spend a lot of time (alone, or in a more private family setting) with a woman I haven't bothered to get to know.

Not to mention, my husband and I have raised our kids to be kind and thoughtful. If I refuse, or forbid him from doing this, I would be a hypocrite.

Answer 1

Awkward? Yes. But making a gift for her is very thoughtful of you and your child and could go a long way to keep the situation civil.

Just think of this all from the kids' perspective and you'll do the right thing.

Good Luck and Merry Christmas

Answer 2

I can say that I am in a situation like Miss "C" in your story. I would have been thrilled if his ex-wife helped their son do something for me. I instead got the other end of the deal. Although she said I am a very kind and good person for their son, she couldn't get past the fact that I existed and has treated me like crap for the past 6 years. The first 2 years were miserable.

All you should think about is the children. Explain to your ex and "Miss C" that this was the children's idea and it's from the heart. I don't think either of them would feel awkward, just relieved that everyone can get along over the holidays!

Answer 3

Never refuse a sincere offer in front of your chidren or say a negative thing about your ex or her. The best way to handle this is to be bigger than the situation. Bake her the cookies or get her a gift (from your son or daughter. How would your sons feel on Christmas morning if they had nothing for her and everybody else did? Be the nice person you seem to be. You don't have to win every time. Just finish the race and be nice...even if you don't mean it. It's for the kids and your own peace of mind.

Answer 4

My husband's Uncle Bob and Aunt Diane were married for several years and had 3 kids. I don't know when or how the divorce came about, but they seemed to manage an amicable divorce like the one you want. Their kids are grown with teenage kids of theirown ,Uncle Bob and Arla (the new wife) have been married for some time now and they are all really good friends, even to the point sharing hugs and kisses this Thanksgiving. It is so nice to see everyone together like that, easier on the grown up children and grandkids.

Don't feel weird for wanting to get along. You should feel proud. Your kids are going to thank you, your ex is going to thank you one day and some day you will thank you too!

Do it with gladness in your heart!

Answer 5

I actually personally look at you doing something nice like helping your kids make cookies for her shows that you are grown up and mature. If I was her-I would take it as even maybe a "peace offering" of some sorts that there is no hard feelings against her. I don't think it would be awkward at all if I were her or your ex. I think it is is very sweet and mature of you.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I have an extended family as well. My ex and I decided that no matter what we would make sure that our children had a chance of having mom and dad as a team. My wife and I and my ex and her boyfriend have a good relationship. But it will always be awkward. This is not a normal situation, but with time it will get easier. I actually respect the fact that you are reaching out for advice on this matter,,,,bake your cookies,,,have a wonderful Christmas and cheers!!

Answer 7

Of course it would. Having been through a divorce and remarriage and kids from both and then my ex being killed...my kids got all turned around.
The main thing I noticed about your thoughts was you thought the new person in you ex's life seemed nice. If that is the case as much as it may hurt to let go of you ex, keep in mind that when your kids go over there that they aren't going to the "wicked stepmother". If you play your cards right and listen to your kids rather then have your thoughts clouded by your ex, you and your kids are going to come out of this OK.
You present yourself in a very mature manner and it looks like you have a good head on your shoulders...good luck!!

Answer 8

Do the right thing by your sons and help make cookies if your six year old asked. Your six year old will ALWAYS have the memory of how big your heart was, ESPECIALLY when he is a man and can see this situation from an adult's point of view.

God doesn't give us any more than we can handle. We are tried here on Earth, and the crosses we all bear are as varied as we are as people.

Be strong. I am praying for you!!!!

Answer 9

Bravo to you for being mature about the situation and most importantly showing a good example to your children. I believe that if "Miss C" is truly nice, things will continue to become easier and you may just find that you have a blended and or extended family. After all, eventually, you will begin dating too. I hope the trend continues. Of course, at first, it will be awkward, but keeping your children in mind will help you get past it.

Answer 10

it could make you feel awkward a little but its nice to stay friends after a divorce as there are kids involved.

you and your (soon to be ex) both can least be friends as you will still be in each others life cause you have children and for there sake its better that you all get along then fighting all the time.
that way the children may be happy to see both there parents getting on with there lives & as your children are younge they will also expect when there a little older that its better that there parents can be friends apart then fighting always living together.