My anger gets the best of me.?

Question

I take it out on everyone and i hate it.
I don't knwo how to calm down except to stay to yself adn then i get told im anti-social.
I need some good productive ways to get rid of my anger and keep it under contral.
Help please?

I am A girl

Answer 1

Start a physical fitness routine.

For example, put up a double-end bag (a small punching bag suspended from a rope and tied to the floor with a bungee cord) and use it.

Answer 2

I have the same problem, but I'm bipolar. When I'm on meds, it seems to calm my angry side. But sometimes when it gets out of control, I paint and draw very aggressively. I also write in a journal, scribble wildly, punch pillows, squeeze ice cubes. Sometimes my friends and I buy plates at the dollar store and go outside somewhere and break them. That helps let out some aggression without hurting anyone (as long as you clean up the mess). And maybe you should think about getting a therapist to talk about what angers you and how to solve it. That helped me out so much.
Good luck however you choose to solve it. And try to relax and rationalize your feelings. Take care.

Edit: Wow, mlsgeorge obviously needs a sedative, not that he would take it willingly if he's so opposed to meds. Maybe he wouldn't have been convicted of manslaughter if he had a little chemical help getting his "rage" under control.

My advice to you, though, is try to control it without meds because it is a pain to have to deal with side effects. I do think too many people are put on them too often when they really shouldn't, but there are people that can't function without it. But living with a Schizophrenic and having bipolar myself, I've learned that they can help a lot. Anyway, hang in there.

Answer 3

aww man! this is my speciality!! but i don't fink you're gonna like the answer much.
=(

anger is confused with rage(by most counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists). sounds like you have a prob with the latter.

rage has NOTHING to do with anger. you a guy? my hunch is that so let's go.

rage is fuelled by one of only a few things - shame/guilt or fear or sadness. fear is the usual one with guys.

the way to 'get over this' is to get to know yourself a lil better. rage is 'decisional' - i mean - there's a point you choose to 'get angry' cos of what you feel inside...wonder what exactly that is? YOU should wonder too and take a close look at you the next time you 'kick off'...what did you FEEL before you 'lost it'?

the CBT approach is useful here - keep a diary of the times you DO kick off...what is the similarity? what's the pattern? what do 'people make you feel' that is intolerable to you? what are you afraid will happen? how come you 'ramp things up'? what do you feel? write it all down, on a daily basis, and think about it, ok? get clear about what happens for you emotionally and the judgements/decisions you make as a result of that.

...you do all that and you are nearly there...the next step depends on your age. if you are in your early 20s you can find a good counsellor to explore how come you have this sensitivity(really - i mean GOOD and good luck with that!!!!)

if you are younger - my hunch is that you are in your teens - i'd stick with CBT and look at direct, thinking , interventions you can make with yourself...like -

you are angry...you don't want to abuse someone..so leave, quietly...or -

take a 'time-out' - tell the person you are angry with that you need a few minutes with yourself to work this out and go take a walk...arrange how long it will be tilll you talk again(30 mins is usual here) AND WALK AND THINK THROUGH WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PROBLEM...IF YOU ARE STILL ANGRY AND FEEL UNSTABLE THEN ARRANGE TO DO IT MUCH LATER! (SCUSE CAPS!)

this is the groundwork anyhow.

feel free to email me if you want any more pointers - i used to have 'anger issues' that made me a v dangerous guy. now i write emotional literacy programmes for the south east of uk! still - i haven't lost 'the spark' and can kick off in a BIG way if i want...only thing that's changed? i don't wanna now i know what it leads to - for me? being stood in the dock of The Old Bailey facing a murder charge( i was found guilty of manslaughter and got out in no time..still - the scars on my self from taking life are indescribable).

sorry if i have been flippant but what i have suggested works if you are willing to change.

EDUT - and omg!!!!don't listen to the crap here about 'taking meds'!!!! seriously - that's a bad path perhaps perscribed by people who have more faith in medicine than they have experience of the consequences! you like Danny Darko~? watch that and DON'T do meds!!!! none of em work - they are ALL gateways into the void. drugs SUK!!!! people say 'do meds' when they have run out of ideas! man - this is not such a biggie , you just need to meet the right people...my arrogance says to me i am one! (ok,ok - i have had ALOT of success with my approach too. =P) but seriously - there are alot of issues here - including how a matriarchal educational system deals with normal male aggression - is it an illness? or is the 'rush to diagnose' the illness? i'm only interested in probs that stop people doing what they wanna do.

=)

EDIT TWO - yaguru is the opnly person here who has a clue! omg....i remember when it was fresh enough i could talk like that! dude - what a DUDE!!!!

ED 3! soooowwy! should have looked at ur avatar huh? still - all i said is still the same except it's more common with girls for it to be sadness instead of fear under the rage...still, that seems to be changing for some reason/s...o, and the prognosis is better as a girl cos ur more likely to do the diary thing! =) there's also a higher chance that this is real anger at an unfair position you may have been put into in the world? always worth considering if this really IS your problem....maybe you have every right to be angry? sorry im such a div to miss your avatar and make such presumptions!

Answer 4

Hi there,

I am glad you are determine to get rid of your anger. In fact, I empathise what you are going through right now... I was once like you.. very anti-social and very afraid of talking to people. I get very piss when someone made a comment that may not be relate to me.

Until, I become a certified behavioral consultant (USA) and beginning to understand anger is actually part and part of us. Without anger, you are just like a zombie with no emotions, however, do not let it get hold of you, you have to control it. I believe everyone knows that.

You may have to exercise some form of letting go before addressing your actual problem..based on my experience as a certified behavioral consultant (USA)

I have some questions for you to ponder:-

1) Do you know there are myths about anger?

2) Do you know there are 3 simple approaches on control aggressive feelings about anything you encountered?

3) Are you using acceptance to release anger?

That's all for the moment. Think about it... you can email to me for more solutions.... I am willing to help..

Take care and thanks.
Eddy

Answer 5

well the number one thing that I have found is the realization that you are JUDGED by how easily you get upset. You will never be recognized as the type of person to be selected to lead other people and make good money. You will be ostracized, like you are and told that you are anti-social.

You need to practice turning off the buttons that people know they can push to get a reaction out of you. I had an EX who would INTENTIONALLY start fights by saying something she knew would piss me off.

You can CHOOSE how you respond to a situation. Develop the inner strength to stay silent when you want to yell.

When you feel that you are about to lose your temper, tell yourself that you want(not need) to take a time out to collect your thoughts. You can even tell the other person (calmly) that you are starting to get angry and would like to take a time out and discuss the matter rationally at another time.

One individual who I know will NEVER get into a heated arguement. he will always suggest that both parties take some time to think about their positions and then have a rational discussion, the next day.

Think about it. If you explode in anger, the situation is almost always resolved later, in calm tones, right? After you have had to apologize.......A situation is never resolved when people are screaming.

Keep in mind that someone who loses their temper NEVER looks good, no matter how much at fault another person is, or how warranted they believe they are for yelling. The person who is seen to be yelling or screaming always looks like the idiot. Always. The person who is seen to be screaming is the person who is most likely to be BLAMED for the situation arising.


Are these some good points? Practice telling yourself that YOU and not your emotions are in Control. Be the better person and learn how to walk away from petty things that are totally irrelevant. Shrug off any imagined or real insults or slights against you like water off a ducks back. Your're teflon, nothing sticks to you, it just slides off. Nothing bothers you.

Answer 6

It would be wise for you to begin working with a counselor or psychologist. You can't get rid of your anger until you dig deep to find out what is the cause of it. Once you work through that, then they can help you re-direct yourself into more productive actions.

Answer 7

You need a thereopist to help you. I am serious... I might make you feel better, The anger is coming from somewhere. Something is causing you to be angry all the time. You may need to get on some antidepressants

Answer 8

take whatever you're good at and throw yourself into it. the more things you have to do that you enjoy, the better you'll feel.

writing can also help. starting a diary might be a good idea, just to get your anger out on a page instead of on other people.

good luck!

Answer 9

i used to have this problem but i stopped it
just think positive and realize that they have done nothing bad to u so why yell at them
i once yelled at a true friend just because my anger got the best of me
just take deep breaths
and reap this to ur self:
why get mad get glad

Answer 10

Exercise. I recommend martial arts. Punching the heck out of something helps immensely.