Do you think a man who has a history of cheating can change?

Question

My ex boyfriend was a serious liar and cheat....he wants to get back together but I don't trust him even though I do love him. I think he wants to change but I fear he is a creature of habit...but that little dumb part of me keeps saying "we all can change give him a chance".
Help!!!

Answer 1

Your gut instincts are usually correct in this. Trust takes a long time to EARN but can be lost in a second.

Anyone who is willing to exercise self-discipline can change gradually but the odds in favor of it are very “unlikely.”

Compulsive promiscuity is much like any other addiction which takes radical changes inside the heart—yeah way down there in the pit of ones center—where it all begins.

His head is probably rationalizing and elaborating arguments to the contrary but deep down inside your heart can sense that his heart has not, in fact, changed.

Having said all that people do manage to make drastic value changes all the time that are reflected in their outward behavior but statistically those numbers are in the very slim minority.

So the short, quick and easy answer is no—he probably won’t change so the advice here would be to move on to the next customer and start from scratch on a clean slate.

Answer 2

Of course they can change! But chances are, they won't.... The problem here is, he's asking for a "chance" but he got that the first time and pissed on it. If he has seriously changed, he needs to be his wonderful new changed person with someone else. Because here's the bottom line. Let's say he's completely changed, and he's a whole new person and would never do anything to hurt you... You won't believe him. Every time he's 5 minutes late, it will eat you up inside. You will always be wondering what is going on behind your back. Even if nothing is, it will drive you nuts. If he's changed, then he can prove that to someone that isn't you, because no matter what he says, somewhere in the pit of your stomach, you will never quite trust him, and a relationship can't work like that.

Answer 3

We are all creatures of habit, some good, some bad. Your partner has shown some very dangerous habits. In lying and cheating, is the very real danger of bringing home a disease that could kill you both. Like an alcoholic, he is on a self destructive path that you could be tempted to follow out of love. And like an alcoholic, he has worked hard to get this reputation. If he wants a new reputation, he's going to have to work just as hard to get a new one. It is clear that you love him, but you need to ask yourself, "has he done anything to improve his trustworthiness to me?" If not, then oh, well! Keep an eye on him, though, if you see a change, then maybe later, if he's a good boy ( and he's passed all his health exams) you can give him another chance. Just not now.

Answer 4

Ok.. you need to run weather he can change or not. Relationships are really hard even without bringing such low expectation into the relationship. The good ones are based on mutual trust. If you can't trust him because of past history, the other question really doesn't matter. You will always wonder even if he is not cheating. The relationship won't work as long as you feel that way.

Answer 5

NO WAY!!!!! My ex-husband (who had been married before me) used to cheat on his exes multiple times but told me our relationship was different...blah, blah, blah! I was an idiot because I believed him...12 years of marriage and he cheated on me with a 19 year old...so I don't think cheaters change...sorry!

I wouldn't waste anymore time with him. I am sure you are a nice girl...there must be lots of nice guys out there that you could spend your time with...get away from this guy because you know what, you'll always wonder and it'll always be in the back of your mind (even if he isn't cheating). Say goodbye and start a new. I know it will be hard if you love him, but you have to go through the bad to get over him and then you'll be just fine. Good Luck to you!

Answer 6

creatures of habit have to hit a serious rock bottom for them to change. Its unfair to be put on the back burner while a person continues to get what they want. Every time you'll lose while they have only gained your time and love. Ask your self how much time have you waisted so far? In addition put your foot down verbally and take action. You can love him enough to leave him alone if he doesnt take heed.

Answer 7

I guess I am the odd one out because I do believe a person can change if that person finds true love. Love will make you do lots of things but true love will bring you to your knees. So yes, I do think a person can change. Can your boyfriend, the cheater change? I doubt it. I don't think it is true love for him but you know him better than I do. Do you think he has changed? You already know the answer to this.

Answer 8

I don't think that anyone can change from a cheater to a non cheater. That goes for all men and women who cheat and lie to their boy/girlfriends, they will always be that way, Lose him and find a guy you can trust if that is what you are looking for.

Answer 9

Don't listen to that part listen to what your gut is saying and follow your heart you can not change what doesn't want to be changed. Listen it doesn't work no matter how much of a chance we give them it just becomes an obsession.

Answer 10

Do not give in to your feelings. Move on. Always think that there are a million of men better than him out there (as well as there are a million of men worse). But the whole point of relationships that are not fulfilling is to make you learn from them to use what you learnt in something new! Go forth, God speed, have fun, use the glove and LOVE unconditionally. You will find your true love and someone who loves you for who you are and respect your values one day soon. :)