My husband is in Iraq and has cheated on me over there and Im afraid he is going to leave me when he gets home

Question

He has a lot of girls on his myspace that he doesnt even know he changed his profile to single and he tells them that we are seperated(not true) he calls and tells me he loves me and that everything is ok. We have a 7 month old little girl and he has only been around her like 5 weeks of her life. we decided to solve our problems when he gets home because this is stressing us both out but i need advice if he comes home and wants to leave me??

i used to have his email passwords and he forgot i had them and he is cheating with another female soldier. im not trying to stop him from leaving i just dont know how to handle it

thank you to all of you who answer this nicely. We had a baby and we were so in love until he went away.my little girl is the best thing to ever happen to me. we didnt know he was leaving till i was 8 months pregnant.

i have talked to him about this and we are talking about it when he gets home so we arent stressed out because hes in combat zone.

and to you shallow people i am 120 pounds skinnier now than before i got pregnant and my boobs are bigger.

Answer 1

If I were you, I would wait til he gets home and see if the two of you can work it out. Maybe you guys can get some counseling and work things out, for your daughter's sake if nothing else. Deployments are hard on both of you, and I don't think that you would even able to get divorced without him around anyways. I think that this is something you two need to discuss in person, not over the phone or internet. If he chooses to leave when he gets back that's his loss.

Answer 2

reassure him your thoughts on this topic should matter more then what anyone is telling him. Tell him you made the promise the day you got married and you promise to stand by him and that is what you intend to do. Tell him that what ever problems that surface when he comes back you two will deal with it together but that you are there for him. And as far as Im concerned Ive never heard so much BS in my life. It dosnt work that way after Iraq. It usually has to do with infidelity or not wanting to have been in the relationship altogether b4 iraq. I knew someone who got married just because they were going to Iraq and yes they devorced when he got home. but they hardly even knew one another or even spoken b4 the whole iraq subject came out. Write him everyday. Let him know you are waiting for him. And only tell him about the good things dont tell him how misureable you are wwithout him. Then he will know you are happy. Yes tell him you miss him but dont leave a guilt trip until your next letter he would be worried then. Talk as much as possible because thats the only way through it.

Answer 3

Well, he's a dumbass to lie to you. And to cheat - if in fact he is actually having sex there and I know, it's difficult there.

And sharing passwords is ONLY done in the event of dearth and emergency, DEAR.....

You have two choices:

1. He comes home and forgets all about it. He's bored, in a combat zone, he's lonely, etc. (How do YOU treat him - all whiney or...? Do you complain and nag about little stuff? He's in danger every day. Do you moan about crap he cannot do anything about? Or are you the sexy bae in his life to?that he looks forward to seeing and talking to?)

2. He wants a divorce. So what. YOU GO. Are you such a weak little girl that you have to depend on this lunkhead all your life? You didn't learn anything about how to be strong and independent?

Sorry about the baby. Should have thought about that beforehand... But don't let having a child stop you from doing what's right for YOU. Will you DOOM the child to growing up in a bad marriage?

Last: If you weigh more than 135 pounds, then the problem with his attention to you is YOU. If so, why don't you get off the counch and "fix that" before he gets back. You know, so he won't be thinking about MySpace girls. He'll have one at home.

The next question is: Do you tell him you now – what you know?

Answer 4

Why would u want to stop him from leaving if all what u say is true. I would have his sh-t packed the moment he got there. Sometimes absence of the person makes the heart grow fonder, but other times it brings sorrow due to the fact that u both realize that the relationship wasn't as close as u thought. Only love holds two people together; anything else just doesn't pass the test of time..I hope u let ur heart guide you. There is someone out there for everyone it sounds like u just haven't found the right one yet. Take Care guard ur heart it's the only one u have.I'll keep u in prayer and thoughts.K

Answer 5

Hello there,
I am just going through the same right now. My husband is currently in Iraq too and also has an MySpace account that I did not have any access to at first. I researched and found him on MySpace with a lot of Girls that he talks too. They say things like "good we can talk" and one even said "love ya". (I wish I knew his password so I could read all of the stuff that he writes with them; it is tearing me apart). We have 4 children, a fifth on the way (due date 22nd January 08). I am so hurt and don't know what to do anymore. We have been married for the 7th year now.
Are all Soldiers becoming so weak down there in Iraq that nothing matters anymore? I am so sorry when I read your story and I feel for you. My husband did that before too (he was deployed to Iraq in 2004-2005 and he went on the website "Hot or not", and told girls there how "sexy" they are and he asked them where they live and so on...it broke my heart then. I forgave him, but it is obviously that he did not change. We have not talked in over 1 week now (he kinda ignores me :-( ) I honestly do not know why...just because I told him that I found out about these cheap girls that he talks to. I told our Churchs' Chaplin about this "cheating" and I know that he will help me and my husband once he gets back. For now I just need to focus on my kids and gather strenght for myself. I am not really afraid that my husband leaves, it can all be worked out; but honestly the trust is gone and it will take a long time to trust again. All I know is that I do not want to be treated like this any longer. It hurts a lot, and I truly wonder what this war is doing to do to our men...or if it in their nature. I would understand if I was a bad woman (I am a Christian and I know that I need to lean on God in this situation, but it is sooo hard honestly) I never cheated on him or talked to any other man online. I also do not look bad eighter, so there is no reason to do this to me eighter. I heard from another lady in our troop that her husband talked to other girls online too while he was in Iraq, and this lady is very pretty and intelligent; so it can't be the reason, that our men need other women to talk to and "proove something to themselves"?
I understand that it is very stressful for you, and being a military wife is hard. I am sorry that your husband is not around to see your little girl growing up, and on top of this, your husband not making it easy on you. It is very unfair from him and so selfish to do this to you and I hope that you will find a good confidential Chaplin and get help from him once your husband gets back home. Right now, as hard as it sounds, there is nothing that we wifes can do about our men's "problems" down range, I guess we have to be patient and wait until they come back home. Please do not be afraid that he will leave you, you are a caring wife and you can solve these problems once he gets home. Again, I understand what you are going through, and I wish that there was something I could do to help you.
May God bless you and your little daughter :-)

Answer 6

That is so disrespectful, but he might be thinking that he can easily be killed over there so he's trying everything and everyone he can.

For Ela, there are men and women serving in Iraq so that's where the cheating comes in. If it's another service member, he can get into big trouble.

Talk to your local ombudsman first, they can point you in the right direction.

Answer 7

You need to get yourself together. You owe it to your child. Focus on getting a job if you don't have one. If you do focus on saving and getting another place. Your relationship is only going to get worst. Most men come from Iraq with problems, now you have that to deal with plus cheating, you need to walk now while he isn't around. What he is doing is disrespectful and wrong. What is your Plan B? Plan B means your plan if plan A doesn't work. You must always have a plan B. Depend on no man.

Answer 8

Welcome to marriage and reality. Here are the facts of life you obviously have not learned yet:

1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage sucks (moving in is the same as marriage)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth I don't
lie anymore.

Answer 9

i would be mad about the whole myspace.....but if u guys are going to wait to talk everything out when he gets home then just try to relax til then and maybe when ya do talk about what going on he might change and stay with u or he could leave u.... good luck

Answer 10

If he is stupid enough to get caught, you should get in touch with FSG family support group, let his commander know that you strongly believe that your HUSBAND is violating Army regulation, and tell his coomander that you plan to DX his @$$. AND TAKE IT FROM THERE, or you could just cheat on him with some guy or girl which one you chose, but all jokes aside if you're sure you're sure make it do , what it do