How do I deal with and respond to co-workers and/or strangers that ask me personal questions?

Question

I'm an outgoing individual, easy to get along with but I'm also a private person and get really annoyed when people ask personal questions. How can I respond tactfully without coming across as being a snob?

I'm at a loss for responses. I usually just say, "those are personal questions and I typically don't reveal personal information about myself. I'm a private person and if I decide I want you to know that information, I will tell you".

I realize in most cases, people are just curious but c'mon...there's a limit.

The type of questions I get asked are these: "How old are you?", "where do you live?", "are you married?", "do you have any children?", "why aren't you married?", "why don't you have any children?", "do you live alone?", etc..

Answer 1

Consider why they are asking the questions.

Are they potential romantic companions (in their minds) or are they simply making small talk?

Perhaps an answer like:
"That's a good question." Or
"That's a good question to ask if (or when) we get to know one another more."

Perhaps you might be sensitive or defensive about one or several of the questions and you don't want to let them unwittingly hurt you or to see they are touching raw or delicate nerves.

"Where do you live?" is easy: Mention a very general region and then change the subject in the same sentence.

"How old are you?" As young as you think I am, gramps :o)

"Are you married?" Why, is it important to you? Are you?

" Why aren't you married? Now this one is set to trigger all kinds of defensive responses.
"Are you? Why?" or "Why, should I be? Are you proposing?"
"For many years I was a nun serving in ___ :o)"

"Why don't you have any children?" Ouch! "That's a very good question and change the subject"

"Do you live alone?"
For your safety the answer must be "no" to strangers!
"No", and change the subject to another topic.

It sounds as though small talk is not something that excites you. What does? Think about it.

Kick in some answers about your passions, whatever they might be! Be they sports, public service, religions, world peace, global warming, you name it, and then you can direct the conversations back to topics that you do not feel so threatened or vulnerable about.

I can tell from the wording of your question that you are a gentle and caring person and that you have been hurt.

With kind and gentle regards,


David Edge

Answer 2

As I am a person who has nothing to hide. I answer honestly. No I am not married. I have 2 children. I have full custody of my 5 year old and (much to their dismay this usually shuts them up) my youngest son lives with his heavenly father. After I say that they usually have to process that for a second. I then say I can't wait to hear him sing with the angels one day. I know that he is in good hands. I miss him terribly. Usually the nosey busy body person is so flabbergasted that they go away and realize that I no longer wish to answer their questions. I guess this may sound as I am making a joke of it but i can't stand busy body people. If they are my friend and ask I am not so blunt and flippant about it.

Answer 3

I would just say to them "guess" then I'd say "there you go you got it & whatever" you agree on their guesses/answers & they'll get the point where you're not interesting in talking about the subject.

I would even say "its none of your business" or I say "who want to know?, it none of your business anyway".

Just tell them straight. Speak up don't be afraid. They don't have to know if you don't want them to know.

Answer 4

Throw it back at them and ask them "Why do you want to know?"...