I am the type of girl that has always gotten along better with guys than I do with girls. So I have many close guy friends that I have been friends with for several years, but my boyfriend of two years always gets jealous when they call, or see that I have talked to them via text message on my phone. I dont talk to these friends everyday, or even every week for that matter. We both have busy lives, but it is nice to touch base every now and then.
Why does he act like this? I have never cheated on him, and have never given him a reason to think other wise. This man is talking about marriage, but I dont want to be 'trapped' in a marriage where I cant talk freely to my friends.
Any advice on how I can get him to back off? And please dont advise me to leave him, because he is a good man, and I love him. I dont think I should leave him because he gets jealous.
Thanks in advance for all your help.
2007-12-05 06:12:11 · 21 answers · asked by MayMay 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Be honest and speak to him. I can't see why he should be jealous because if any of those friends had ever wanted to make a move they could have done it before he was in the picture.
Make sure he understands that friends are part of your life but have different roles to his. Surely he's got friends of his own he wouldn't want to stop talking to "just because you say so"!
There is no need to break up with him; just don't let him get away with it as it's the first step towards obsessive behaviour.
Good luck!
2007-12-05 06:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by Cieguilla 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is put yourself in his shoes and try to understand why he might feel jealous. Think of it this way: you're friends with these men because you have things in common, you have fun together, they make you laugh, and have an emotional bond with them. Do you really not understand why that would be threatening to a boyfriend? Afterall....the only difference with a bf and those friends is sex! It's not at all uncommon for innocent friendships to turn into something more and any intelligent person understands that. While YOU may think it's impossible...that you'd never be attracted to them, it IS possible given the right circumstances and it usually starts out being friends. Imagine this: you marry your bf, you start having problems, you have a big fight....who do you turn to? Your male friend. The emotional bonding occurs and before you know it, you're in bed together letting him console you. It's literally as easy as that. No man should feel he has to compete for his beloved's innermost thoughts or feelings. The fact that you share so much with these men is hurtful to him. He knows he could be replaced in a minute.
If your friends mean that much to you, then you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about it. You need to let him know that your friends aren't going away. You need to reassure him of how much you love HIM. And tell him you'd like to start doing things that include him AND your friends. I promise you, if you can get your bf to become friends with your guy friends he won't feel nearly as threatened!!! He'll see them as HIS friends too and everyone wins.
2007-12-05 07:04:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Exactly what you wrote there is exactly what you should tell him!! You're reasoning for talking to your guy friends doesn't seem shady at all, and I don't see why you shouldn't be able to do so when it is stricly on a friend basis. :) My boyfriend is the same way and I would have to say I am that way sometimes too! And it is normal to be jealous when you love someone, BUT if he knows you want to spend the rest of your life with him, then he shouldn't have to worry about other people in your life that are just your friends.
2007-12-05 06:16:47 · answer #3 · answered by brneyedgrrl80 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because being in a relationship and having friends of the opposite sex is awkward. Most guys look to women for sex so even if it means posing as their friend for years, they'll do it if they think it'll pay off. The girl who wrote you can be halfway around the world and a guy will still want to keep in touch with you for that reason is very correct.
I'm married and I ended all friendships with my male friends once I started dating my husband. Now my husband not only doesn't have any female friends, he doesn't have any male friends for that matter. It is truly the best way! We both just like being together and with our families - we don't feel any need for more then that.
If you want this relationship to last, be true to your man and tell these guy friends to back off. The best way is to end the friendships and go from there.
2007-12-05 06:46:46 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I had the same problem. And i still havent found the answer. But ALL guys do this. Reguardless of your past with your friends, or how innocent your intenetions are... Your man sees it as all men think. Like Chris Rock said, Men only have female friends cuz he knows one day her man is gonna mess up and he can slide in to "console". I know my boys arent like that, but as far as my mans concered... everyones tryin to sleep with me!
I was thinkin about letting him meet and hang out with my boys, but we dont live ANYWHERE near each other. What keeps me sane, is thinkin about if roles were reversed. Yeah, i dont think i'd be comfortable if he had as many female friends as i have male friends.
its a work in progress. I sy let him meet your friends, and dont sneek around when they call (dont run outside for privacy, it looks bad). Avoid using the old pet names (called my best friend baby in front of the man, didnt go well!). Ask the friend when hes on the phone about the girlfriend, etc. etc. etc. The key i to be open.
2007-12-05 06:23:53 · answer #5 · answered by loki_only1 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should find women friends. How would you feel if he was texting and calling other women? That's not the way it is supposed to work if you care about him. There's nothing wrong with having casual friendships with guys, as long as you bring your boyfriend into the relationship too. Anything else is not fair to him. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.
P.S. Those guys are not just being your friend. I guarantee you that they either have a sexual interest in you, or you have a thing for them. Wise up if you want to keep your boyfriend, and show him a little respect.
2007-12-05 06:33:17 · answer #6 · answered by Teresa 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I wish I could help you out. Like I was telling someone before, I am EXTREMELY jealous of my husband's female friends. I know that he has to be friends with them because of the field that he is in, but it still doesn't help any.
To me, I can't understand how you can be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex. The girl that bothers me that my husband is friends with is single/younger and attractive. And they have so much in common. They are both Fire fighters, EMT's, same kind of tv show's/movies...and it scares me. He tells me that I have nothing to worry about, that she is just another one of the guys...but I honestly think that he enjoys it a little too much to work with her.
You husband is going to have to get used to it. Because I honestly understand what I am putting my husband through right now. I am making it hard for him and making him feel bad about having female friends. But there is nothing I can do about it. I am going to have to learn to be more secure about husband and I?
How much do you do with this guy? Do you guys hang out? Just work buddies? I know I would not put up with hubby if he hung out with this girl outside of work. That just will not happen. Invite this guy over and let him be friends with your boyfriend?? Does this guy have a girlfriend? Go on a double date.
Don't hide your friend from your boyfriend. Even if you are just trying to protect his feelings. It is only going to make him question you more. Don't hide anything about your friendship.
2007-12-05 06:27:49 · answer #7 · answered by sunnysideup 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Friends are equally destructive of both same and opposite sex. Usually a same gender friend is a threat for a number of reasons especially because you never truely know what someones intentions are.
If you are debating marriage your debating children, which means friends are lost and parents are found. You will need couples with children for your child to grow up with, and to share parenting techniques with. Are your friends this type of material??
Don't get married if your not ready to settle down. It sounds like you have open issues that may even complicate your wedding. If your bestfriends are all men who would your best ladies be? How about his best men, would you want one of your friends to be his best man?
Jealousy is normal and he should not have to bend his opinion on what makes him jealous or not because that will never change. People initial reactions when it comes to jealousy are part of their instinct and something that protects themselves in the relationship. Asking him to abandon his coping mechanism is a way to set the relationship up for failure.
You will need to sacrifice your friends to have a successful marriage and thats part of life and growing up. You will get new friends that will help your relationship grow and people you can grow old with together.
2007-12-05 06:18:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
my hubby does the same thing! But three years now and he has actually accepted one of my guy friends and BOUGHT his a christmas gift last night!! I KNOW! I WAS SHOCKED! But, I just laid it on the line saying that he was JUST MY FRIEND and that my HUSBAND IS MY HUSBAND! The 1st time we all hung out together, it was awkward, but the last few times have been fun and enjoyable. It took a long time, but totally worth it. (however - i did give up ALL guy friends that I have even even just kissed... any romantic involvement guys have to go!)
2007-12-05 06:17:15 · answer #9 · answered by annamauria 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
using fact the wide-unfold public of individuals can't have buddies of the alternative intercourse that are somewhat buddies. I easily have guy buddies and that i've got easily no pastime in them, and have self belief they have easily no pastime in me - i've got time-venerated them for years and years. whether, this is in all probability the exception to the guideline. he's merely worried approximately what his odds are in this occasion, and that they at the instant are not stable. yet you may believe the guy you're with, and as long as you sense comfortable putting around your guy buddies which incorporate your boyfriend, he could believe you.
2016-09-30 22:32:05 · answer #10 · answered by haslam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋