how to tell your husband you want out?

Question

I have been married 2 years, my husband is very controlling, it is either his way or no way, and we have been fighting for about a soild year now. It got so bad that i actually left him a good job and moved back home with my parents. Out of the 2 years we have been married i have gained about 20 lbs. I am not fat by no means average i would say, but he told me that i was letting myself go and he couldn't be with someone who does that. The mean things he says to me i can't forget. I am tired of walking on egg shells around him. I do love him but not like i used too. There has been to much damage done. I know the best thing for me to do is get out. But i don't know how to do this. I am 21 years old and still in school. I have a job and family and friends to support me but he makes me fill guilty about how i fill. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

I've been there...you file for a divorce and have him served with papers...what else do you need to say.

Answer 2

Call a family law attorney or a place that draws up divorce papers, and have them put together a separation agreement. Then present it to your husband and tell him you want out.

This accomplishes two things: First, it let's your husband know in a very straightforward manner that you want out and that you're completely serious about it. Second, it puts you in control of the situation (turning the tables on him).

Even if he doesn't sign it, you can still file the agreement with the court and proceed with the divorce. You also have certain legal rights by being the person who files the documentation (I can't remember exactly what - it's been over 10 years since I got divorced). And, if you change your mind, you don't have to file the documentation with the courts.

At the very least, get some legal advice from a family law attorney or a similar divorce service agency. You'll want to know exactly what you're doing, what to expect, what your rights are, and how to proceed if you do decide to go through with the divorce.

Answer 3

Try not to worry about the way he feels about you. Let the things that he says go in one ear and out the other.(dont listen to what he says) If you want out then nobody can stop you. If you are doing what is best for you, then do it. Stand up to him and let him know that he is not going to stop you from leaving. Dont be afraid to pack your things and leave. If he is wiling to talk to you about it without arguing then tell him how you feel. If you have family and friends that will support you until you can afford to be out on your own, then ask them for their help. It will take you a very long time to get over him but it is the best thing to do. Go out and try to have fun and forget about it. Eventually you will meet someone that you will love just as much.
Good Luck.......

Answer 4

Anyone that talks to you that way does not really love you for who you are...you are right about getting out. There are so many men out there that you will surely find one that loves you for who you are! If I were in your shoes, I would pack up and leave when he is not around. Leave a note or call him and say that you'd like to spend about a month apart, and re-evaluate how you both feel again after some time apart. Go and stay with your parents and have some time to pull your head together and see how it feels to have time away from him. This is just how I would handle it...I don't like confrontation : ) Good luck!

Answer 5

You were right in getting out as no one should remain in any relationship where there is any type of abuse. You and your husband are young and obvisously do not have the proper skills it takes to make for good communication and on how to make a marriage work. Remain away from him and get the love and support from family and friends. If in time he comes to miss you and is then able to humble himself enough to see the error of his ways and he asks you back, do not go back until you both complete therapy to gain knowledge on how to repair your marriage, otherwise you will go back to broken promises and the same mess you found yourself in. I know it is difficult and it pains you to see your marriage crumble, but without a move there will not be change. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

well your age tells alot of the immaturity that comes from both of you. Look, you obviously cant just talk to him because im sure he'll get into a big verbal fight and call you names ranging from Wh-ore to ..well you know where im getting at. Just go file for the divorce papers and let those speak for themselves. You are young and need to really learn to find a good man in the future and future I mean late 30's. Stop feeling bad..there is much more to life than to stick with someone with a bad attitude. that is not love.

Answer 7

My best advice is to be clear, concise, and honest. Be strong and make a clean break. Do not try to continue a friendship at this point. It will be easier for both of you to move on. I promise. If a friendship comes later then so be it. Just do what you have to do and keep yourself 'clean' so he doesn't have anything to hold over you before the divorce is final. Even when you think it can't get ugly it can. Play it cool.
Good luck to you.

Answer 8

just tell him you want out. it sounds to me that you are making the right decision. no one wants to live with someone who is really controlling and makes them feel like the scum of the earth. you are a human being and have freedoms and rights too. i am sorry the marriage didn't work out for you and it had to come to this. if i was in your situation i would do the same thing. he doesn't worry about your feelings so dont worry about his. sometimes to get your point across especially people like this is to put your foot down and give them a taste of their own medicine. i hope everything turns out well for you. if you do get married again, my adivce to you is to give yourself about a year to know this person so you know how they truly are. this way you wont have to go through this again. you are a strong person and have a bright future ahead of you. dont let anyone take it away even if it is your own husband. good luck.

Answer 9

you have done the best thing possible. at 21 you do not have the insight,and apart from this you are still at school. do you really think things will change, no...I am 44yrs and still living under a controlling husband. I lie just to make him happy...but on the side I cry in my heart...you young, pick up the pieces and look forward to someone who can appreciate you for whom you are!

Answer 10

Get out of that situation now while you can. If they are controlling now, they will be controlling for the rest of your life. You could end up with self esteem issues, and just messed up because of the controlling. He is already showing signs of abuse...Mentally anyway. Obviously if you have put on weight there is a reason for it and if he was that concerned about it, he should have talked to you to see what was going on instead of brow beating you for it. You are too young to be wasting your life with a loser that treats you like that....Get out now while you can.

Answer 11

People told me to grow some balls , being a guy I could.My ex was all controlling too. One day she accused me of cheating on her and that was the straw that broke the camels back. I was tired of the eggshells too. I snapped and told her I'm outta here.Packed and left.What a weight off the shoulders.