my friend who is 28 has been in a happy marriage for 4 years but in the last 9 months she has been having an affair with this guy from her work. she now thinks she is pregnant with this guys baby. she has been asking me for advice on what to say to her husband as they have not had sex for 2-3 months. Help!
2007-12-05 05:36:50 · 33 answers · asked by Lucy B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There's nothing she can do but tell her husband the truth. Maybe he'll forgive her and maybe he won't. Either way he's going to know that's not his baby. He shouldn't get saddled w/ providing for it. The only other option is abortion.
edit. Happily married women don't have 9 month long affairs. I might be able to understand the mistake of a one night stand.
2007-12-05 05:40:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that your involving urslf with someone elses life. Negative things like that can cause stress on you even if this isnt happening to you, but all the same you do seem that you want to help her so just tell her if she was happily married for 4 yrs why was she having an affair if there are problems home that caused her to do something so foolish if not then she is definitely screwed because no matter the outcome she is pregnant and will still have to explain this to her husband. No hiding what will be apparent to the hubby because Im sure he is aware that they have not had sex for 2-3 mths so there is no way he could have made her pregnant. Good luck to her trying to get out of this one.
2007-12-05 05:51:24 · answer #2 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if the marriage had been happy she would have been having sex with her husband and would have not had the affair.
She needs to tell her husband the truth and give him the option to stay or leave. All control is now out of her hands and in her husband's. She should be prepared to start a new life on her own. If he decides to stay then she has to stop cheating and earn his trust back. It's possible but won't be easy.
You need to find new friends who aren't cheaters and liars. Remember what happens when you lie with dogs...... You get up with fleas.
2007-12-05 05:44:40 · answer #3 · answered by Average Joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know she is your friend but having been on the one who was cheated on I have a hard time feeling bad for her. All she can do is tell him she has been unfaithful in their marriage. I might suggest she plan ahead by packing some necessary things since it is doubtful she will be returning home anytime soon and that she tell him in a public place. The last one is for her own protection since I'm sure he'll flip. Otherwise the only other option is to terminate the pregnancy and continue lying. The last part shouldn't be a problem for her since she has been doing it for the last nine months.
Oh and if she was so happy with their marriage why did she cheat in the first place?
2007-12-05 05:52:14 · answer #4 · answered by FinallySmiling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has no choice but to tell her husband. It's the only right thing to do.
Then, the ball is in his court as to whether or not he will stay with her. If he agrees to try to work on saving the marriage, then she will need to stop all contact with this other man and commit to her marriage. She should have done this long ago, if she was "happy". Her husband will be very hurt. Trust will be damaged. He may or may not be willing to accept this possible pregnancy. She was placing him at risk with unsafe sex, it wasn't fair to him to be put in that position.
Some really good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
"Surviving an Affair" by Dr.W. Harley
"After the Affair" by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html
An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/
Some good support forums for couples dealing with recovery from infidelity:
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/
Some marriage weekend programs:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html
2007-12-05 10:07:48 · answer #5 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, 1st I'd question if the marriage was really happy, since she was cheating...and for quite a while. She should decide on if she wants to stay with her husband.
If she wants to salvage the marriage, and it's within her beliefs, then get an abortion, and STOP cheating.
If that is NOT an option, for whatever reason, then she should come clean and prepare for a divorce. I can't imagine that many men would be willing to be a dad to a kid their wife had outside of the marrage. It would be a constant reminder that she was unfaithful.
2007-12-05 05:45:33 · answer #6 · answered by Voice_Of_Reason 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If her marriage was so happy why is she with another man for 9 months!?!??! Another perfect example of why we should never get married. Teach her the facts of life that will help:
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage sucks (moving in is the same as marriage)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth I don't
lie anymore.
2007-12-05 07:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She was not happy and the affair just happened, pleeeease --- she did it on purpose because she was not happy in her marriage and then she got pregnant --- are we supposed to believe that was an accident?
She needs to stand up and be an adult here and stop all this passive aggressive, immature, drama crap....she is living her dream a real life soap opera starring her. This life strategy is gonna result in a lot of heartache and loneliness when the drama spotlight passes.
2007-12-05 06:10:49 · answer #8 · answered by George 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She could call the baby premature, or she could tell her husband the truth. I think in this situation, the baby, her husband, the baby's father... needs the truth. As hard as that will be for her, I don't see any other way out but to be honest. Hopefully, her lover loves her enough to stand by her... unless of course, he's married as well. I cannot imagine letting this baby grow up without knowing who the real father is. That would mess the child up beyond repair.
2007-12-05 05:45:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that she needs to figure out why, if her marriage is supposedly happy, she feels the need to have an affair. Also, she needs to know one way or the other if she is really pregnant before she confesses to her husband. She needs to confess and decide if she wants to try to work on the marriage, or move on.
2007-12-05 05:42:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋