i gave in to the most selfish person alive ... ..?

Question

I have a friend who moved 10 states away after graduation. She insisted that 'she would not go visit ANYONE, until they visited her first'. This is her typical attitude, so naturally being the good friend I booked a flight a month after her move to go stay with her & her bf for a week.

She refused to cook, let me cook or bring us to the grocery store. We ate out 3 meals a day, and in the end spent $450 on FOOD. Then our flight going home got delayed, and she insisted we stay at a hotel near the airport to 'not inconvenience her to get up at 4:30am'. We had a budget of $500 for this trip, we spent $1,100 in total.

Ok, yea we shouldnt be friends. But being the person i am, i ask when are you going to come stay with me? Oh, after her june visit to friend X, her july visit to friend Y and her february visit to friend Z.. NONE of whom plan or have been to visit her.

its one of those relationships where i know i shouldnt be friends with her, but i figured that out too late

& she knows too much about me for me to be just like "See ya later!"

She rolled her eyes at me when i told her how much we overspent, and is giving me an attitude now that we're home. I mentioned we were planning to buy a new tv (we have one thats 13 yrs old, no joke) and she replies with "I thought you didnt want to spend money?"

What am i to do here? Cut off the friendship, tell her what a selfish person shes being? Tell her how hurt i am shes opting to go see other friends over me since i AM the one who saw her first? I dont get it.

Answer 1

Tell her shes being selfish
and you're not putting up with that.
tell her it straight.

she will change
or she wont
then you'll know whether she's worth it or not.

Answer 2

Seriously? There's no need to be rude and cut off the friendship immediately by blowing up at her, but it's not too late to not be friends with her. She is 10 states away, so let it slowly die out without the drama. Things happen, friends grow apart and eventually stop talking. It may not be the best solution, but I think it'll be the one with the least conflict and drama. If you spent $1,100 on visiting a friend, then you definitely deserve a better one at the very least.

Answer 3

you don't get that you walk into this relationship with your eyes wide open? you don't get that YOU LET this person manipulate you? you don't get that the entire issue is YOU and NOT HER? She hasn't changed, she is who she has always been.....you can't blame her for any of what happened, you allowed it, even encouraged it. Silly girl, time for you to grow up and take responsiblity for your own actions, and stop blaming someone else when you knew in advance who and what they were and tried to maintain a friendship with them anyway. You don't have to make some huge scene or try to tell her she's a bad person, you don't have to make her feel bad in any way, it was your mistake, not hers.
Simply exclude her, do not call or write or email her....if she calls or writes or emails, respond in a civil but very short businesslike fashion with yes/no type answers, do not invite intimacy or confidentiality. She will likely grow bored with you and move on to other suckers who will more readily respond to her manipulations.

Answer 4

She is not going to change, so there's no point in telling her off. It will have no effect on her, except that she will tell YOU off. Then you'll be even more frustrated.

My advice: don't contact her anymore, ever, in any form, with no explanation. If she doesn't already know the reason, she is extremely stupid. Don't worry, she will find other victims.

Finally, google "Narcissistic Personality Disorder". You will then understand what you're dealing with.

Answer 5

let me start by saying, i know exactly how you feel. I use to have a lot of people like that in my life. You have to ask yourself..who's more important, her or me? that's a no brainer! never let anymore disrespect you in that way..you should let her know, none of those other people are thinking about you and you would visit them before me? how dumb are you! Be strong and tell her how you feel..and move on..she's dead weight and the sooner you get her out your life the better. so what she knows your "secrets" im sure you know some of hers also. you cant worry about what other people say about you sweetie. you'll never be happy. Imagine how good you'll feel when you realize that you were strong enough to get a one-sided friendship out your life...trust me, its like riding a bike, you'll never forget how and the quality of your life will improve.

peace and blessings.

Answer 6

ok i found the question, really i honestly think you should cut her off, if she doesnt appreciate you as a friend then fine you dont need her as a friend you are too good of a person to be wasting you time with as you say "selfish" people who dont feel they need to give you the time of day, move on stick to your friends at home, its not point in trying to be friends with someone who is miles away anyway and apparently is a very self centered and could care less about you...

Answer 7

Is this the way you live the rest of your life, as a door mat? Wake up and smell the coffee Sweetie! She moved outta town. Don't call her anymore. Don't you have any other friends?

Answer 8

All of the above....tell her how you feel about everything and just cut her off. She probably won't care, but at least you'll get it off your chest before you drop the lousy friend.

Answer 9

well... if the friend makes you feel uncomfortable, and if she is such a hindrance, then you should cut her off...
at a less severe degree, you should kindly let her know that what shes doing is hurting you and those around you... and if she doesn't listen... may time be her teacher...

Answer 10

it's hard to just cut someone off completely, especially a manipulative person. but from now on, she has to do things on your terms. let her call you. tell her what your rules are.