I am 10 weeks pregnant with my first and my husband and my mother are constantly fighting. Every time my husband gets pissed off - it doesn't matter at who - he always takes it out on me, no matter what. I have explained to him that he can't keep doing this to me because it's putting entirely too much stress on me but it's like he doesn't care because his attitude just gets worse. I can't go to my mom's house because it's just as bad if not worse there. Today has been extremely stressful and I'm starting to really feel the physical and emotional side effects of it. What do I do? It's like I can't say a word to him without getting my head bitten off. He swears it's not me, but he can't give me a reason for his attitude against me. He always says "Because."
I can't take it anymore. Any advice?
2007-12-05 04:23:07 · 18 answers · asked by Momma Jette 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
My advice is to talk to him about your mother.
My wife and myself had alot of similiar issues when we first met because her mom was being a b.tch...we realized that we always fought after we visited her or dealt with her in any way...so we talked about it and realized that it is her stupidity and how much we dislike being around her that made us moody and angry...so we started to work on it together to not let her affect our relationship so much...
And it wasnt just me who had to work on it but my wife as well....its hard for a daughter to see that her mom maybe isnt the nicest person to be around. so let him know that you tired of it...and then work on it...you definitely have to talk to him...once you stop talking about stuff like this your relationship starts suffering. He will bark at you first...I did too but once you realize what the real reason is why he is being a dick you can work on it.
This is what a relationship is really about. Working on the friction that gets created by being so close to each other. If he loves you he will work on it sooner than later. If not you got bigger problems than him being a dick.
PS: all these people telling you to move out or get professioal help have obviously not been in a longterm relationship or marriage. WORK ON IT WITH HIM...show him how much it bothers you. Dont threaten him that will put him in a corner. COMMUNICATION!!!!!
2007-12-05 04:25:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 4⤋
Stress is very harmful to your unborn baby. More so then smoking or occasionally drinking through your pregnancy. Some doctors will actually recommend having a glass of wine if you are extremely stressed to calm down. Instead of talking to him (I am sure that he is bullhead like most men), print out the information at the links that I have included for you and leave them some where for him to read. Also ask him to go along with you to your next appointment and have your doctor explain in more detail the consequences of you being stressed while pregnant. Maybe by enlightening him you will solve the problem.
I wish you all the best. Congratulations on your new addition.
I would also like to add that a lot of people are going to tell you to leave him. That is NOT the answer. He is your husband and the father of your unborn child. Leaving him will only cause you more stress and turmoil. He just needs to be educated. Even if he tries a little that is a step in the right direction.
2007-12-05 12:36:24 · answer #2 · answered by Heather B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to get both your mother and your husband together. You need to sit them down and talk out all of your problems. Before your start talking, however, you need to tell them that they must sit there the entire time and not get too heated during the discussion. Let them explain their problems with you (and possibly each other), and then you give your rebuttal/excuse/apology to both of them. Following this, you need to tell them how you feel. But most importantly, you need to tell them that no matter what, you are going to put the baby first. Explain to them how they are stressing you out, and tell them that it is unhealthy for you and the baby. Although it hasn't been born yet, your personal mood can affect the baby and the amount of stress hormones you release can cause problems with the fetus as well. After saying this, you all need to discuss how each of you can personally change to better the situation. Following this, you actually have to go through with these changes. This may be easier said than done, but it is a good first step to solving this problem.
2007-12-05 12:36:06 · answer #3 · answered by tlboone2 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is he open to counseling? He doesn't physically abuse you does he? If that's the case you need to get out and get somewhere else so your child doesn't grow up that way. That is child abuse. Otherwise getting an impartial 3rd party trained to help couples is the best way to go. If he won't go, try to go somewhere else. Do you have siblings? Friends? Anyone that you could stay with for a while. If he is without you for a little while and misses you, he may get motivated to change. I wish you the best.
2007-12-05 12:29:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Find articles or books on stress during pregnancy and the effects it can have on both mother and child. Read them aloud to him. He might get angry but tell him that you are not willing to let anything happen to your baby so he better start listening. Whenever you get stressed out, find a room where nobody else can bother you and do something that makes you happy and relaxed. Good luck!
2007-12-05 12:28:58 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Angel Eyez♥ 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
well first of all honey you need to relax! your stress is putting stress on the baby, and this early in your pregnancy its not a good thing at all. you need to figure out what is going on with your husband because he cant keep getting mad at your for every little thing that ticks him off! its so hard what to tell you what to do cause i dont even know =[
2007-12-05 12:27:39 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Find a friend, church or womans shelter to hang out in.... If you can't try the local mental health center.... Holidays are stressful enough and no matter how much your husband loves you, you can't help him unless he wants help. You also must protect your BABY from all the drama.... ITS JUST NOT A GOOD IDEA>>> GOOD LUCK and I'll be praying for you...
2007-12-05 12:27:02 · answer #7 · answered by rgs3girls 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You should leave... This is the most vital time during your pregnancy 1st trimester. Which is when most miscarriages occur. If he continues the way he's going chances are you MAY. Also ask yourself this, do you really want this child growing up in this type of environment? What's going to happen after you have the baby and the baby is whining and crying; will he take it out on you or the baby or both of you. Remember, kids learn what they live...Eventually, it will probably end up getting physical abuse.
2007-12-05 12:30:22 · answer #8 · answered by Haley K 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Tell him that he needs to chill out and find a better way of expressing his anger. Tell him that you are here to listen but not to get yelled at and treated like you are. Explain to him that you are pregnant with his kid and all this stress is hurting you and ya'lls baby. Maybe take him to the doctor's with you and get your doctor to explain it to him. Try to find out what is bothering him and come up with a resonable resolution. hope this helps!
2007-12-05 12:28:39 · answer #9 · answered by smash6385 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
That's a tough situation to be in.
If you've got money, why not try staying in a hotel for a few nights?
Or go stay at another friend's house.
I'm sorry, that's the only thing I can think of.
Everything will work out, don't worry. :)
2007-12-05 12:27:46 · answer #10 · answered by summer skin. 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋