My husband wants me to leave my job stay at home mom what should i do ?

Question

i work for the state of NJ in the accounting division .. nice job .. i have always been independant ... since the age of 16 i am 25yrs old. i am a college student part time ... education degree .. my husbands wants me to quit my job go to school full time ... sounds great !! but that would mean depend on him for everything .. money expenses ... anyone advise on or experience ... on this should i leave my job or stay part time student full time employee part time housewife ?

Answer 1

Do what makes you happy as long as your children are doing fine then the choice is yours.

Answer 2

As a married couple, there are certain things that must discussed mutually. If he wants you to stay home, or go to school, but you hate the idea, then the two of you need to figure out some other arrangement. Point is: Do what makes you happy, but understand that children should come first. If he senses issues with a daycare provider, or believes you should be the main caretaker of the home and children, give it some thought. Not all men are dumb. Or request stupid things. I am a stay at home mom and I absolutely love it! Talk about budgets, because you'll be going to a one income household and that may hamper some extra money (if you have any). If you guys can afford for you to quit, ask if he would consider allowing you money for the things you'll need or want, like nails, hair, amusement with the kids, etc. My husband does not bring in a lot of money-he's self-employed, but if the kids or I need anything, he's asking how much and if I need any extra/more than what I am estimating. All it takes is communication. Don't be scared to talk to him. You have a legitimate part in this marriage and you deserve to have apprehensions! Good luck!

Answer 3

Well, I don't know how long you have been married, but if the home was bought after the two of you were married or had your first child together then it is equally yours as long as a prenuptual agreement was never signed. You could always file for divorce and have him leave the residence. If this is not an option for you, then you can always pick up and leave, file for a legal separation, file for housing assistance, an get food stamps. As a mother of three, you have a lot of options. If you are unable to get a decent job, you can also apply for assistance for schooling. You will get full benefits and possibly very cheap to free daycare. If you are a single mother, the state will pay for college and the daycare because in the long run it is cheaper to do this than provide welfare and health insurance until the children are eighteen, not to mention the housing assistance. If I were you, I would file the legal separation and change the locks on the house and lovingly pack his belongings. I do not kno what the circumstances are behind your need for divorce, but you have the children and they are entitled to the comforts of home no matter the circumstances. Then I would go to the state welfare office, apply for welfare, food stamps, health insurance, schooling assistance, child care assisstance, and legal aid. You will need the legal aid for the divorce and for collecting child support. If you want to keep the house, I would ask that his child support be just the mortgage payment. If you do not wan tthat, then the legal aid will handle all of that. If you are smart you will make sure you have all of the children's personal things (birth certificates and shot records and SS#) and make sure you have the previous years taxes (From this past April). That way you have all of the neccessary papers to begin any paperwork for the above.

Answer 4

It is up to you. How good is your marraige? Would it be able to withstand you having to depend on him for everything? Even the most solid of marraiges can be shaken up by monetary issues when it becomes a single income family. You also need to make sure that you wouldn't become resentful of him for taking care of you, especially since you are so incredibly used to being independant on a full time basis.

I would recommend maybe working at your current job part time & seeing how that works out with your school schedule & home life. That way you can still have a job & some money of your own, while also getting the chance to attend school more & maybe spend some extra time in the house. Who knows? Maybe you'll end up going for the full-time student thing & maybe you'll go back to the previous arrangement.

Answer 5

You talk about being a stay-at-home 'mom' , but you make no mention of children. It sounds like no children are in the picture yet.

OK, you have a good job with the state. Probably means you get insurance benefits that might cover you and your husband. Also these state jobs often tend to be good long term jobs, with regular increases in pay, and a good pension program.

You don't say what your husband does for work so I can't comment on the pros and cons of his job compared to yours.

You are right to be concerned about your independence to some degree.

You should have a serious conversation with your husband and be sure you understand exactly what his reasoning is in regards to your working part time and possibly going back to school. Is there something about your job that causes him to feel threatened? Are his feelings about your work based on what he really thinks is best for you or what is best for him?

Unless there is a reason that really makes sense to you, you should kindly explain that, for now, you feel it would be best to stay where you are.

Answer 6

Well, honestly, you have many issues at hand:

First of all, you need to obtain a better understand of marraige and relationship. When you married, you merged your "independence" into a dependence on each other. Both of you. While it may be "common", it is not "healthy behavior" for marriages to continue individual indepence. This includes, monies, friends, lives, etc. This type of behaviour precedes a high risk and ratio of divorces in the U.S.

Secondly, and more to the point, the BOTH of you need to do a sit down to discuss TOGETHER what is best for BOTH. While it may be "sentimental" for him to want you as a stay at home, it may not be the most "practical".

Thirdly, those who are by nature or experience more "independent" are more apt to fall prey into negative situations by just "staying home". By nature, you won't just stay home. You'll be interacting with the outside world in more ways than even now. Your husband may not realize this, but it is more of a temptation for you to stay home than to be working and active.

Fourthly, you both will need to compromise. It has been suggested before in this type of situation, that it might satisfy both parties, if the wife is very independent, instead of being a 100% stay at home, just work part time, and part time at home. Part timing will appease both goals and desires.

But the main concern is your justification for independence. Be careful not to allow this life, friends, events, outings, money, and etc. to be separate from your husband. If it is and has already, then both need to see a good marriage counselor to help bridge some gaps, to encourage you and give you tools on how to be closer together. That is your priortity, not independence.

Make it work.

Answer 7

sometimes when you leave a job it's hard to go back. try and make him understand how you feel about depending on him for everything. a marriage is a 2 person job not a one person job. how long before you are done with school and can find a job in that field, some men start to get well i make the money and you have to do what i say, some men are just jealous and when you quit the job the expect more time for them, and eventually they try to pressure you out of finishing school. ask your self all of these questions and honestly ask your self how you would answer them and how would he answer them.

Answer 8

I think it's great that your husband is supportive enough to want you to get a degree fulltime. Personally, I would say you should take up this offer. You would get your degree much faster, and you would be able to contribute more to the overall family financials more quickly, and also more. It would take you what, another 5 years to finish your pt degree, but you can probably put it away in 2 years. You would depend on him for expenses for that time, but I think that in the long run, you'd actually get more independence and more options in the long run.

Answer 9

If I were you I would elect to use your progress on your education/teaching degree to both take and teach on-line classes, particularly ones in accounting if you wish. That way you could work on those while the baby is sleeping and still stay independent without compensating your care to the child.

If you can make that work and care for the kids well and your husband still complains...you might want to step back b/c you may well have a control freak on your hands...

Answer 10

First, I have to laugh at how most of the posters here are such poor readers.

He didn't ask you to become a stay-at-home-Mom. He offered to support you while you went to college full-time to get your advanced degree.

Holey moly - big difference!

Now - for a considered answer.......


I think you should thank your husband for being so generous and for showing true leadership to guide your family's' future..

He knows if you go to school part-time, it will take twice the time for you to graduate, and all your formerly spare time (with him) will completely disappear. He wants you to have the opportunity to become your best, and have the ability to earn more, have more self-esteem and interest in your work.

The two of you will live far better when you stop clerking and start earning as a professional.

Get off the Internet and give him his special "birthday gift" tonight. That man is willing to sacrifice for YOU - you know how many women would love to have a guy like that?

Answer 11

Why does he want that? Does he think you want that? Some guys will try to get you to depend on them financially so they can use it as a means of control. Or maybe he really is thinking of you, and wants you to be able to focus entirely on school. If you want to keep working, you should, and tell him that you enjoy being a working woman.

Go with your gut. He shouldn't be pressuring you, telling you that you need to quit your job and be a stay at home mom.