How do I train myself to be more positive and calm when facing a situation?

Question

I don't do well when facing confrontations or handling situations, my mind would turn blank, forgetting all my reasons for my actions, body shivers, blurted stupid come backs, and eventually bawled my eyes later when I could not take the tense anymore.

It's annoying, and somewhat feels very pathetic. Can anyone here help me out please?

Answer 1

Always remain calm. You need to build self-esteem,confidence I think,in yourself and around others. A therapist will help you. Here is some effective techniques;

Take small notebad, write down the situation, and what is the worst that could happen.Example, (STUPID,i KNOW)
' Group of Girls being nasty to me',
Wat is the worst thay can do? Say i am stupid..fat/skinny?
Imagine the main bully of those girls in her most vulnerable state, alone, without her friends. Imagine face to face discussion with her. you are equal. Imagine she suddenly becomes smaller than you till she disappears.

While calm.take deep breaths, keep open body language so you don't encourage negativity from others. warm friendly smile. Never cross arms, look tense or unfriendly.
Always try to think positive.
If it helps take up new intersest/hobby, great for confidence.
Relaxation tecniques /yoga would keep you relaxed.
Jot down your good qualities.positive points. Wat you have achieved to date. Memorise them, and remember them in trying situations.

Answer 2

Replay the situation with someone you know who is calm and positive. Ask them what they would have said or done in that situation. Then, roleplay the scenario, this time with you choosing to say and do the calm and positive thing. Keep practicing this over and over again until you can say and do the right responses with "your eyes closed."

Do this practice session for every confrontation and situation you've had in the past that you wish you had handled differently.

Answer 3

Been there! There are always people who try to intimidate, dominate and scare another person silly!! I was married to one for 8 yrs and finally escaped with my little girl--to live our lives, fear-free! First, understand that they want to intimidate you. DO NOT FOCUS UPON THEIR WORDS! Self-talk all during the barrage of words; maintain eye contact all the while NOT HEARING. ("I'm OK! I'm safe; good and can get through this!!. This person is a bully and I will not try to discuss ANYTHING with h/him in this manner.") jEtc. GIVE NO RESPONSES--dont' even try or they'll out-shout you! Maintain a passive, untroubled expression. They will stop when they don't see distress in your face. THEN, you could say, "I'd really like to discuss this with you later when we both have time and can sit down in my office--(your office; the break-room, etc.) When can we get together?" When we're not running scared of them, they back off.---------I don't mean to bore you with a personal story, but this served me VERY WELL, when I was a single parent, working as a therapist with very troubled adolescents. I always got good results, but my supervisor started giving me all kinds of grief! Constant cricisim sp? at odd moments when I was unprepared. I WAS SCARED--then w/ new information, I found that the organization was trying to weed out older, more expensive workers in order to save money. I realized they wanted me to quit, because they had no grounds to fire me and I'd probably file an age-discrimination suit--or at least they were afraid of it, and so they began confronting me in the middle of the day, anywhere they ran into me. I FINALLY realized that I could deal very well with confrtontational adolescents, angry parents, etc., by seeing their inner goodness and fear. Finally got ahold of my own fear, prepared for the next confrontation, listened without letting it scare me, then said, "I know that the organization is trying to save money and that we older workers cost more in salary, and fringe benefits. If I didn't know better, I'd think that you're trying to scare us older workers into leaving rather than being fired, or something---BUT, I KNOW this organization would NEVER do a thing like that--underhanded and dirty!!" Before I even got through, he began to stutter, and look angry and stammering, "Of COURSE, WE WOULDN'T!" This is called a paradox (maybe a counter-paradox??) and you end up getting the person to agree with you!! When you think through their motives, state those motives and then deny that they'd ever do something like that, they end up AGREEING with you!! It's really fun when you hit the mark!! From then on, I never heard another thing from him/management! I worked there six more years and got a better job. At my "retirement" goodbyes, I wore a Banana Republic T-shirt with a kangaroo, with all his male genitalia showing!! At my "speech" I said, "You many have noticed the T-shirt I'm wearing (there is no way they couldn't have...!). I love Aboriginal art as it tells about the person wearing it. This, for instance, indicates that I have the guts and the balls to jump to another job at '60!" The place ROARED! I had gotten my point over in a non-aggressive way, and left with good feelings on both sides! Later, one of my former co-workers said, "Marge, you're a hard nut to crack!"------It takes time to get to this point, but remember that no matter WHAT the CIRCUMSTANCES, we are FREE AGENTS with FREE WILL!!! Good Luck!

Answer 4

you have to detatch in those sistuations and it's hard too me a while to master it! bit now i can handle it with out any anxeity!

meditation and full acceptance with in one self helps!

faking it helps too if you no your going to be in that sistiation then fake (act) as if you were someone who handles it in the way you want to !!

don't be afraid to boost someone up and ask them how they deal with xyz one on one is best way to learn and ask someone who has that trait you admire!

Answer 5

take a deep breath, and say to yourself, this is someone elses problem.... and then go for it.