would you marry a divorced man with 2 children?

Question

if you're 25 years girl.
and you love him so much.
but your parents will refuse this situation,and also you adore and respect them and you don't want to disobey them.
they're afraid of the problems that may arise later.
and that his income has to be divided on TWO houses.
and the children will come to live with you and him in your own house after their mother's custody ends,and you have to raise them up and take care of them.
but it's okay with you.
what will you do with your parents?
would you continue in this relationship?
what??

Answer 1

Actually, only you can make this decision. Your parents want what they feel is best for you, but they really don't know how deep you feel about this guy (I'm a parent, my youngest is 20) and they don't always do what I want them to do,,and I have to understand that 'This is their life to live now, not mine." You will have to make your own mistakes and learn from them. No one knows what your future holds, but if you never take chances it will not hold much for you. Your parents love you and WILL ALWAYS love you, no matter what you decide to do..Follow your heart, and good luck to you all..

P.S. Your parents have brought up some good valid points, make sure you listen to them as far as what all can happen and consider every aspect and if you can deal with each one, BEFORE you marry this guy.

Answer 2

First of all, you are not a "25 years girl". You are a 25 year old woman; an adult who is in charge of her own life and makes her own decisions. Until you get that straight, do not marry anyone. You are not mentally there yet, so hold off on marriage.

Next, your parent's concerns are not coming out of left field. Dealing with the financial burdens of supporting a previous family are very difficult, and cause loads of problems in the second marriage. If you do the math and decide that you and he can't afford to have any kids of your own, because of the financial burdens of the children he already has, there could be a huge amount of resentment built up over time.

What do you mean, after the mother's custody ends? Why would her custody be ending? Do you mean that there will be joint custody, with the children spending some time with you and your boyfriend, and some time with their mother? If that is what you mean, that is a normal situation. However, if what you mean is that their natural mother is losing custody for some reason, then that is, indeed, another serious problem to contend with. Raising other people's children, full time, is loaded with difficulties (but can end up being rewarding, too).

You don't say how old your bf is, or how old the children are. That makes a big difference, as well.

IMO, the fact that you are asking these questions is proof that you are torn and doubtful, in your mind. A woman who was completely sure of herself and her feelings in this matter would tell her parents, "I love you. I appreciate your concern. I know what I'm doing and I will cope with the consequences of my actions. I hope you can support me in my decision, but if not, I'm still going to do it."

Again, you are not there, yet. I would wait for awhile. I would certainly wait until the custody issue between the two natural parents is sorted, before I jumped into marriage.

If you really love the guy, you've spent time with the kids and are reasonably fond of them, you are going to be employed, so that you have your own money and career, with your own bank account, then go ahead and marry him, after the custody mess is over.

Keep your own bank account, don't do a joint bank account. The reason for that is, if the ex wife goes for increased maintenance at some point, and you have a joint bank account, your income will sometimes be included as his, by her lawyer, to show that he has a larger income than he used to have. Her lawyer may not be successful, but it's a huge pain to do the paperwork. That is an example of the problems you are facing.

I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying go into it as an adult, seeing all the aspects clearly. Right now, you and your bf are romantic, and you have no real responsibility, but once you are married, your life's responsibilities will change greatly, and that will be your reality.

Answer 3

I think the main thing here is how well you get on with his children. You are very young, but if you have thought it through carefully and love him enough, you are old enough to make your own decisions. Are you fond of children or had any experience babysitting, etc? It's a huge responsibility and don't underestimate the role of the ex. Also, as long as you have a good job, you should be ok financially, but one does become resentful because you have to sacrifice so much for the other family sometimes. It's a big decision to make and I suggest you discuss it with the people in your life you can trust, like a close friend, sister, etc.

Answer 4

Has he already proposed to you?????
I said "I do" to a divorced man with 3 kids. And we have those 3 kids grown up the youngest is 32 yrs, and 1 of our own now 25 yrs old. Our marriage is as strong now after 26 1/2 yrs as it was in the beginning. We were not nor are we now wealthy...we lived paycheck to paycheck with all the problems in between. I was 29 when we married and I made darn good money as did he.
AND YES...your parents are right, it will be difficult, trying, messy, and you will encounter some of the most challenging decisions of your life in this marriage. You will at times feel like scum. What you have to decide, is how much of YOU are you willing to give up in this marriage. Remembering, his kids HAVE to come first, not YOU and if you both have a child that child has no consideration in the eyes of the courts here. His first children are the courts consideration. The care, their psyche,and what is the best for them. Then comes the WAR between the EX's over the decisions and upbringing of the kids in each of 2 homes the finances....money, medical, toys, clothing etc. In my case the Mother was deemed unfit by the courts, and custody taken away. In a matter of 4 months, she kidnapped the 3 kids and removed them to another state......FBI..police, counselors,foster homes, court, lawyers. Oh and the extreme costs of all that.....A year and 1/2 later she did it again, despite all the precautions.
If you do not know how or whom is deciding all these factors, then you and he MUST go to a Counselor to help sort it all out before you go into the marriage. Living everyday with these difficulities, takes a big toll on each of you in and against your strengths, passion, and your love for each other. Then the "Why did I get myself into this?" happens, and the desire to escape it all begins. He has to emotionally support you, not just financially...as you need to work a good paying job and still be there for the kids when you and he have the visitation. Plan how you want to live and maintain your home, rules, and how you will disipline the kids when they are there, what are there chores to be, and executed, and if they rebel, and run to Mommy to tell on you....what happens then? Does the ex-wife accept you as a role model to her children? How bitter is she, can you talk with her like an aquaintence, or friend on behalf of the children??
When they play you against him, and then him against Mommy.....How is that going to be handled....? Your love for him now, and for his children, now and your own self image will be challenged almost daily. How strong are you....can you make this life changing decision and stick to it despite all the challenging events that will occur. Remember, you are the other woman, number 2...can you really live with that. Also, note your relationship with him leaves the kids with another adult to learn from, respect, love.....if you do not follow thru in thought, words and deeds, you too cause pain to the kids. So, you have to really search your inner self and decide here on your own, if he has enough love and passion for you, to stand beside you in this life together. Do you have what it takes ??? Many many women do...and have a wonderful life as a Stepmother. (We aren't all bad)
I jumped in with 2 feet....expecting the "happily ever after"...and the Ball Dropped....I did have the guts, to stick to my guns...and my decision to take this man and all that came with it. It has been the bumpiest road I was ever on....But we made it.....and we are both better because of it.

Answer 5

I was just recently in a similar situation where I was forced to end my relationship because of my parents. The situation was very different though, and really would have caused a lot of pain in the family. In your case, I would go against your parents. You are 25 years old, and need to trust you. If you love him, and are thinking about this realistically, I don't see why you should not spend the rest of your lives together. It is not a life/death matter where your parents should have such a strong say. Explain to them that you love him, and if he has children, that is fine with you, so it should be fine with them.

Answer 6

Ex wives are hard to put up with! If she gets custody and he has to pay her child support, unless he makes macho bucks plan on struggling financially til the children are 18. My husband pays child support for his 2 children from his first wife and she gets half his pay check a week. It would be different if she spent the money on the kids but she don't the kids wear hand me downs and she wheres name brand clothing and just bought a Harley! I was already a mother of 1 before meeting my husband but I would love to have custody of the other 2! She is a no good women!

Answer 7

Honey - it's your life. If this is the man for you and you love his children and are willing to take on this type of responsibility and you are mature enough to take on this task, then yes.
You can not live your life for your parents. It is your life.
But you had better be certain you have weighed the pros and cons. Children are a lot of work.
And as far as his income goes, are you not planning to help out financially?
Or are you going to be a stay at home mom?
If you are a working woman, then you have to consider that when the kids get sick, someone has to be home with them. Will your job tolerate this type of strain?
Do you want children of your own, and is he on board with that?
These and many more things are going to need to go into your decision.

Answer 8

If I was going to be content being a mother and not having any other dreams for my career at 25 and was in love with this guy.
It would truly be a clear answer for me. I would marry him. (however thats not me cause i have ambitions and want to do more with my life so personally i would not be in that situation)
However this is about you...
Your parents are opposed because they want what is best for you. You have to understand that. They want more for your life than to become a house wife, a mother and whatever else at such a young age.
In the long run because tehy love you they will come around. But you are young and have the option to wait if you want to. A long engagment is not unheard of. And as time goes by you will realize more what is good for you personally.
Because thats what really matters what is good for you not your parents, not the guy, not he kids... you.

Answer 9

maybe....... this is a delicate situation and it should be treated proporly. personally my parents divorced when i was a kid and my dad's income was split so that he could pay my mom child support. it made my dad's life very hard and every penny was streched. but out of all that i know one thing...... its good to have company other than your kids to talk to and learn from. my dad had a girl friend or two after the divorce and during those time periods he seened more relaxed. it looked like he had just became better from a serious illness. anyways what i'm trying to say is that you should stick next to your man and help him trough this rough time. he WILL apreciate the helping hand or even just the company and support you provide for him. as for raising the children..... they will compair you to their origonal mom and they might even resent you for awhile. all you need to do is be yourself, go with the flow of compairisens, and never let them make you lose your self confidence. try all of what i've said and go with what YOU want to do. this should make your life easyer.

Answer 10

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RE:
would you marry a divorced man with 2 children?
if you're 25 years girl.
and you love him so much.
but your parents will refuse this situation,and also you adore and respect them and you don't want to disobey them.
they're afraid of the problems that may arise later.
and that his income has to be divided on TWO houses.
and the...