My friend....lets say Mark ...has had his wife tell him full of joys that she is pregnant again. They already have 2 children 9 and 5. She was over the moon .......i congratulated him. Then he told me that he had a vasectomy 2 years ago, and i remember him going. He is asking me what he should do...he is devastated. How the hell do you give advice to this.......any ideas.
2007-12-05 01:43:53 · 36 answers · asked by tezz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the vasectomy had a piece removed...impossible for him to father children
2007-12-05 01:47:43 · update #1
He should have a fertility test, vascectonies sometimes do not fully sterilize. Reasonably common, in fact. Even with a low sperm count there are still many many sperm present if it partially worked or didn't work at all and it only takes 1.
Vascectomies are tied to an increased risk of prostate cancer, though, so I would never get one and advise others the same, when I hear them mention thinking of getting one.
A sperm count test will tell all.
2007-12-05 01:51:36 · answer #1 · answered by rumbler_12 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off did he go and make sure the vasectomy was successful? If yes then I guess he never informed his wife. I would have him go get tested to make sure he is still firing blanks. If he is...then she obviously cheated.
However I don't think she would tell him full of joy she was pregnant if she wasn't sure it was his or she is really great at being a liar.
If indeed the baby can't be his if he wants to try counseling wtih her that is up to him. If not be a true friend stand by him and encourage him to move on.
2007-12-05 01:50:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with the other people in here about getting a sperm count first. Its very common that some vasectomies are not 100% effective.
He has to schedule a Dr's appt first before jumping into any conclusions and alienating his wife if the vasectomy was a failure.
2007-12-05 13:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by confidentsupergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing he should do is get tested to make sure his vasectomy was a success. One in two thousand cases actually fail, as the tubes can join back together again.
And to be completely honest, if he has had it done without his wife knowing, then i don't think he's in a position to complain about his wife possibly cheating behind his back.
2007-12-05 01:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by lilmissdisorganised 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Vasectomy's are not alway's 100% effective..
If his wife is over the moon and knows about his vasectomy then she has nothing to hide and the child is his.
2007-12-05 01:52:27 · answer #5 · answered by Niamh 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My advice to Mark would be to go to doctor and get checked out. If he is sterile, then he has a serious decision to make. The fact he got a vasectomy without his wife's knowledge--it appears--says something.
2007-12-05 01:48:02 · answer #6 · answered by beez 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I depends on how the vasectomy was done. When I had mine done the surgeon told me that he had stitched back each end of the cut tube so there was not chance of them growing together again. If this was not done and quite often I understand it is not (cheap NHS job I suppose) then there is always a chance of the tube joining up again. His best bet is a test to see what it happening.
2007-12-05 02:30:35 · answer #7 · answered by Maid Angela 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only sensible answer here is that you advise your friend to go see a relationship counsellor with or without his wife right now. There are issues here no friend should go near. It is devastating possibly to the future of at least two children and two adults. Please don't meddle in this, even if you would really like to help your friend. I am deeply sorry for him. This is terrible. The betrayal is not an easy thing to deal with and his self esteem and security are going to be hammered flat. I wish you both well. Your best bet is to just be there for your mate. Offer to buy him a coffee and a chat when he needs it. That is the best role for a friend to take I would say.
Best wishes
Lisa
2007-12-05 01:50:24 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Vasectomies are not 100% guaranteed.
It is sometimes possible to impregnate even after a vasectomy. Think leak!
Finally, in order to put his mind to rest, suggest he asks for a DNA when the child is born.
That is guaranteed!
2007-12-05 01:50:10 · answer #9 · answered by Rolf 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
vascetomy is NOT always a definate contraceptive.
I know a few couples that have had late babies thinking they were completely safe after the old snip.
What happens is the tubes regrow and join again to let sperm through.
Also, as his doctor will have told him, sometimes sperm can make its way to the urethra even though the tubes are cut.
It's actually pretty common.
If he is unsure, he should go to a doctor and let him examine him, if he doesn't know how to do it himself.
He can also get his fluid tested privately or on nhs to see what level of spem there is in there.
hope this helps
2007-12-05 01:49:42 · answer #10 · answered by music_lovin_miss 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋