He Cheated?

Question

Well, I found out yesterday that my husband cheated... but this is what happened.
He didnt have any physical contact with anyone... it was actually a version of "phone sex" but through text messaging... including sending pictures to one another through text messages and all of the typical things someone would say during phone sex... so of course I see this as cheating.
He hid it from me for a couple months and it wasnt until I noticed on our phone bill that he was texting this girl that he supposedly didnt like, that I questioned him...and he finally admitted.
Frankly, I'm disgusted and angry. I dont even understand why he would feel the need to see another woman naked and talk to her like he would talk to me during sex.
What should I do? I feel like I need time alone from him, but I also feel like I just need to yell at him...
I guess I'm just confused.... so I really dont know what I'm asking here.... but any general advice?

I agree that this is probably a sign for more to come... but I dont believe in divorce as the first answer. Right now divorce isnt in the picture because I'd rather exhaust all of my other options first.

Answer 1

He going to do it again. I would divorce him. Men are so selfish they just can't have one woman.

Answer 2

In my mind you should feel betrayed because he did this behind your back. I wouldn't go so far as to say he cheated though. Basically it is the same as getting on the computer and looking at porn or having an explicit IM session with another person. I know this is all relative, but to me it is no big deal, and for you it is paramount. The best thing I could tell you is that chances are he just wanted to step outside of himself for a while and live a separate life. He wanted to feel sexy again, and this little text messaging relationship he had made him feel that way. He knew you would be mad about it so that is why he hid it. Instead of yelling (which is never constructive) try talking to him about things you could do together that would satisfy his excitement and personal feelings....if that is truly what is going on. Good luck.

Answer 3

the same exact situation happened to me during the summer. my hubby was doing the same thing. we tried marriage counseling and if you are both willing to make things work, it does help. it is going to take time and effort on both your parts to get past this. so not listen to the people that are going to tell you that he didn't really cheat and that you should "just move on". when you have been this emotionally hurt, that isn't even an option, even if you wanted to move on right away. you are right though, it could be the beginning of more to come. my hubby didn't change and we are now getting a divorce.

Answer 4

I think you are heading in the right direction, you should definietly take some time out to reflect and then maybe you shoudl talk to him. Ask him why he felt the need to do what he did and take it from there. I do not think this is something that should make you run for the hills-marriage takes work and you can't bail when things get bad so you have to sit down and talk things out.

Answer 5

wow im sorry to hear that. In my opinion textng, flirting, & having sex wih someone are all forms of cheating...i dont see why he would do that.... but if you hadn't caught him it would have been only a matter of time before he actually ended up getting physical with "the so called girl he doesnt like."


If you feel that you can trust him then i guess give it time...if he seems sorry for his actions and sees that what he did was wrong and WAS a form of cheating then give it time...bc people do make mistakes and like they say...truth and time tell all.


to tell you the truth this is a tough question....go with your gut and whatever your heart tells you is right!



goodluck & i hope everything goes well for you =)

Answer 6

Here are some facts of life you obviously haven't learned yet and if you think that is all he has done you are crazy:

1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage sucks (moving in is the same as marriage)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth I don't
lie anymore.

Answer 7

Well, I commend you for wanting to exhaust other options. You've got one hell of a hill to climb. You should know that sex/porn addicts are the most difficult to treat therapeutically, mainly because most addicts don't want to acknowledge they have a problem and/or don't care to change. It's also the most destructive to a relationship. IF your spouse is willing to acknowledge his problem and willing to seek treatment and willing to be completely honest with you, then your marriage may have a chance. Otherwise, over 80% of addicts have affairs.

Answer 8

you are correct, it's cheating... well, do they work together? hmmm... yep, many men claim to not like the chick so you don't suspect anything, hmmm... first, demand all contact cease...all! if they work together, he needs to go to her, tell her to never contact him again outside of work, and anything to do w/ work will only be talked about in the work place, and he needs to tell her if she crosses that boundary, he will go to human resources and say it's harrassment, because it is! ... if he does not do this, he does not care about you or the marraige! or, have him change jobs... be sure all contact ceases... if he says he needs time, send him out the door... now or never... if you need time, understandable, if he needs time, too bad... good luck! oh, also, get rid of the text feature on the phone... yes, it's like treating him as a child, but, hey... he acted like one!

Answer 9

Anyway you look at it, sex, phone sex or flirting isnt right. It hurts people and makes you angry. I would be upset too... sit down and tell him exactly what you said here, and say....what advice would you give this girl? see what he says!

Answer 10

Well, by tolerating this crap you are only showing him he can do whatever the hell he wants, and you will still stay.

Keep drawing those lines in the sand, and you will learn the hard way.

Regardless of what some of these idiots here will say, there are only two types of men, men who cheat, and men that don't....I see which one you have......