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My husband just told me last night that (against my wishes) he has remained friends with the girl he cheated on me with. I am feeling hurt and full of hate right now.

2007-12-05 01:24:38 · 28 answers · asked by cat 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

28 answers

That is the problem with "cheating" it is always a lie; but it is not the end of the world.

I am sure there is much more to the story but you have been unable to say it all on here. Listen carefully to what I am saying here: Love lasts; sex washes off. In other words he may be very much in love with you but enjoys sexual incounters with this other woman. If this is good or not is debatable in many circles. I personally think it is good but then I have been a swinger for a long time.

Best solution for you is to talk to him about why he is wanting to remain friends with the woman and see if there is truly a solution to it all. Please read this site and it may help you with some information that is direct and to the point: http://inkaboutit.homestead.com/affairs.html

I am sure my answer will be unpopular with some but people today must realize this is very common and needs to be delt with in a sane manner. So if you love him and want to stay with him I suggest you work things out which may mean allowing this to continue on some bases. In todays world about 74% of women "cheat" and 82% of men do. Make the best of it.

2007-12-05 01:50:38 · answer #1 · answered by pinelake302 6 · 0 0

Am sorry and Glad at the same time that you found this out... Sorry because i know how u feel, like you been back stab and you didn't deserve this.. First because you were so kind to forgive him after cheating on you..Am glad you found out because you don't deserve to be lie too... even if it hurts right now, this shows you that he is not a good man because if he cheated on you and it was a one time thing and he was sorry.. he Would've never kept her as a friend and most likely to say it hes no her friend but they have an affair going on..at least that what hes showing you... keep him to the curve, don't ask him to make a decision because he can say i don't talk to her and you will never find out if its true or not, and you will always have that doubt in your head, Honesty is the best way to make a relationship work and even tough he confess himself to you it proves nothing.. I say leave him and sorry you are going through this... but he'll do it again

Sorry, Good luck

2007-12-05 09:42:56 · answer #2 · answered by Lp2287 1 · 1 0

If you should be upset about anything, it's that he was dumb enough to tell you this crap. Feeling hurt is a waste of your time; and being full of hate serves no purpose. It's quite possible for these two people to remain friends. However, if this bothers you, tell your idiot husband to stop associating with this woman. If he then continues the association, you'll have to decide if you want to continue in the marriage. I wouldn't think he's still romantically involved with her, because as stupid as he is, he would have told you that too!

2007-12-05 09:34:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

Yes, since there was cheating involved I would be very wary and this comes from a male perspective. Hate is a Strong word it is probably more the hurtful actions that are causing these negative feelings. There is nothing quite like rejection to deflate someones self esteem, do you still love your husband after being so handily tossed to the curb?

2007-12-05 09:31:07 · answer #4 · answered by Canuck1 2 · 2 0

If my husband told me this, I would be left thinking that he isn't done cheating. You have every right to be this upset. Honey, don't put up with this. You need to do something major, like tell him to choose and if he won't then let him know that you're gone. And then leave and don't come back. If you do he'll know that he can keep on doing this for the rest of his natural life and you won't go anywhere.

2007-12-05 09:38:08 · answer #5 · answered by misty h 3 · 2 0

You do have a right to be upset because he's still friends with the person who could have ended y'alls relationship. He should realize that it's going to be so much harder for you to completely trust him when the girl he cheated with is still his friend. If he truly loves you and wants to be in the relationship, he'll stop talking to her without a problem. It's the least he can do for you since you stayed with him even after he cheated.

2007-12-05 09:29:26 · answer #6 · answered by softball_girl08 2 · 1 0

They might claim to be just friends now but how could he continue to be so called friends with some one he's had an affair with. Not possible! You have every right to be upset!!!!!! Damn an ultimatum he's made his choice. He's decide that his "friendship" with this tramp is more important than his commitment to your marriage. I'd nut up on him. His sh*t would be packed and at the door the very next time he came thru it. He's a JERK and you can do better.

2007-12-05 09:40:02 · answer #7 · answered by THIC007 3 · 1 0

yes, you should be upset, and, you should tell him it's divorce if he does not cut off allllllllllllllllllll ties w/ her, this is still cheating, he's not forsaking all others as the vow states... he thinks you won't leave, this is why he still keeps in contact w/ her... =(... don't put up w/ it... or him, he has to iggy her or this marraige will never ever work, and that's the truth! good luck... ultimatum, you, or her... and don't let him say you, he has to show it's you... I agree w/ an answer up there, this has nothing to do w/ trust, he already broke that, it has to do w/ respect, and you should demand it, if he does not give it, dump him! internet contact is wrong too, if that's what it is...! if he gets mad... too freakin' bad for him... boy, he's lucky he still has his freakin' balls right now! I don't blame you for being livid!!! pffft to him... heck, I'm livid, lol! I rather agree w/ THIC 007 down there too, lol! perhaps you should pack his stuff and send it all to the curb... hmmm...

2007-12-05 09:34:42 · answer #8 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1 0

Yeah, you should feel upset..... he should of know better ... you can't keep a friendship with someone you have sex with... it will always come up... I'm sorry for your pain... this guy needs a wake up call...you need to end this now... he is not being honest with you.... if he has already cheated on you ... he isn't going to stop....you don't deserve this....you will feel hurt... hate... don't waste your time.... someone out there is looking for someone that want a truthful relationship.... dry your eyes and get a divorce ... get back out there ... Good Luck!!!

2007-12-05 09:33:04 · answer #9 · answered by Sharon C 4 · 1 0

UH YEAH!! What the HECK is his problem?? Is he THAT insecure and needy that he cannot see what he is doing??

OK - time to confront HER. Tell her to buzz off and stay out of YOUR relationship - doesn't matter what HE says. THEN, tell HIM that he must be masochistic or extremely stupid to think this is OK for him to do. TELL him to get some professional help and hope he enjoys not being trusted ever again.

I think I might get medieval if my man were acting that stupid. I might really go off and hurt someone. I'm so sorry - WHY are people SO selfish??

2007-12-05 09:39:41 · answer #10 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 2 0

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