Should we get married first.......?

Question

Before we decide to move in together? I'm asking experienced people and not from a religous view point. I'm almost 25, he's 29 and we have been together for 5 years. I still live at home with my parents by choice, He is well off i.e. house, other property investments, makes over 100k a year, neither of us have children..... I have never lived with a guy and I am a little scared but something is telling me that we should get married first. I don't want to live with him & we have a big fight and I'm back at home after a year...or should we get engaged and live together for sometime first? (I just feel like a scared immature girl for not knowing what to do.)

Yes he has asked me to move in with him. We are at a point now where either we are going to go to the next step or move on!

Answer 1

At this point, this guy should know if he wants to marry you or not. For that reason, I would not accept a live in situation. He knows you well enough to make a serious commitment and asking you to live with him is not it. Basically, it is a slap in the face after a 5 year relationship. You are more mature than most women in your situation. You're at least smart enough to know that this man should marry you first; so don't put yourself down for thinking wisely.

Even if you get engaged, I would not live with him before marriage--not after spending 5 years together. Understand that once you move in, without the benefit of marriage, you compromise yourself. That is, a man will try to hold on to a good thing, until he's sure something better isn't going to come along. This man knows you love him; so he'll move you in and still look for a better deal. In the meantime, he gets all the conveniences of home: regular sex, a housekeeper, and all the rest of it. Don't walk into a trap. The longer you live with a man, the less chance of him marrying you. And once he finds what he considers to be a better deal, you're out of the picture. You're a wise young woman. Be strong enough to stand your ground. If he's not willing to marry you first, you can be sure that his plan was to string you along and that you have made the right decision. Best wishes, girlfriend!

Answer 2

Well if you have never lived on your own or outside of your parents place get ready because life has not started for you yet. It would be advisable to live on your own for a couple of months at least to get a feel for the amount of work involved in running a household, Once you have gained life experience then it may be OK to live with some else. As for having a big fight after a year well that will likely happen married or not and hopefully the love that led you guys to move in together will prevail over the fight and then caulk up lesson leaned and move on to the next day. Good luck but hey take some time for yourself and learn some life skills even if only for a few months.

Answer 3

Trust me you are far better off if it is gonna break up in a year to NOT have gotten married. So if you are unsure you should not get married irregardless if you move in together.

I moved in with my X before marriage and it didn't help --- it was still never a good marriage.

In some cases moving in together helps in some cases I don't think it helps --- so assuming you are sure you you want to marry him then do that first. If he would give up the love of his life cause he wants to live together first then that is a sign that he is not sure or has other issues (like commitment).

Good luck.

Answer 4

My wife and I lived together before we married. It was a good thing for us because we learned the little nuances about each other that you can only learn by living together. Then we were able to be more comfortable with the idea of marriage. We got engaged first, but that necessarily isn't a prerequisite either. You have to do what you feel is the most comfortable for you and him. Have you even talked to him about you two moving in together?

Answer 5

I definitely think that you should live together before you get married. Living with someone is completely different than dating someone. You need to learn how the two of you will interact with that much time together, how you will deal with sharing space, etc. Whether you get engaged before you live together or not, I think you should definitely try it before you get married. If it doesn't work, it's going to be alot more difficult to get out of a marriage rather than just a living situation.

Answer 6

I don't recommend shacking up before marriage, otherwise, you'll find that you won't get married, period. You should get engaged and plan for a wedding, but not live together. You should also get some pre-marital counseling. It is amazing the number of people who get married without first discussing finances, who pays for what, how long will the wife work, children, death, divorce, everything.

Answer 7

I guess first you need to think is this the person you will spend your life with. Then go from there I would be married but only because thats the two of you saying yes this is a forever commitment and you dont have to move

Answer 8

Really should move in first together, you can get to know him as a person and his habits, if you can live with them all, then it would be worth it. I moved in with my BF after 2 years, and now we are married for 7

Answer 9

My husband and I lived together for 4-5 months before we got married. It did not delay him in asking me like someone else stated would happen. We have been married for over 11 years now.

Answer 10

You should always listen to that inner voice. Don't move in until you are married. However, I would seriously look at whether or not you are in love with this man. Perhaps that's what the voice is telling you, that he's not the right person for you.