Am I selfish?

Question

I am 1o weeks pregnant and I work full time and my husband and I run a dance school and dance company. So my schedule is work 7:00-3:00 and dance rehearsal and 4:30pm-8:00pm on mon, tue, wed and fri our schedule was working fine because we are building something and I felt really positive about that. We want our dance school to be our main source of income. Now that I pregnant this schedule is really getting hard I spoke to my husband yesterday about quitting my job and I would just work on the business so it could come along faster. We got into a big argument because I make majority of the money and he feels like if I quit I will be making our family struggle on purpose and he got very upset. He also said that people have been working pregnant for years and I should be stronger that that and I am diverting from our plan which was for me to work and after the baby take off. He really made me feel bad he said he has the same schedule as me and he is able to make it. He is not pregnant. After our conversation yesterday I am going to stay at work but am I selfish for asking to stop working he made me feel so bad he said he is trying his best and he is tired and has the same schedule as me but he is making it work. He also said people would love to just stay home and work on a business but it is not reality. I realize all these things but I still feel so tired some days I can barley concrete. Was I wrong? {Please no hurtful answers yesterday was hurtful enough I can’t take any more mean things said}

Answer 1

first, go to a bookstore and buy a book immediately called ' what to expect when you are expecting' by eisenberg. read it. first 3 months you will be sick and tired and a little panicked. the problem is you have in reality two full time jobs. when the baby comes, you will have THREE full time jobs.

the reality of your dance studio is that it will take years and years for it to be your main source of income, years. and millions of hours. just so ya know. dont be discouraged, just know this takes time.

your hormones are going to make you feel all kinds of things. and guys are so dumb at times like this they just dont understand. do either of you have family? you say you teach during the day? i know you can hire an assistant and all will understand. my trainer worked with me her whole pregnancy, and they started their own gym, but she paced herself. i understood. your husband may be a little panicked at how you two are trying to do all this at once, it can be done, but it will take more time. you say he is finishing school, you both have a lot on your plates and are going thru a lot of stressful life changes, and, you both sound ambitious. my advice is, take it one day at a time. maybe this weekend or first chance you get, hon, sleep some, make yourself lie down. everything will happen, it will take its own time, do NOT worry about things. it is bad for babys health.

when you feel yourself upset, breathe to calm yourself.

Answer 2

I don't htink you are being selfish, it's tough being pregnant. You are carrying a whole other person around and that well it's heavy. It can wear you down quick. Maybe you can slack your dance classes off a bit. And as far as working from home, people think it's just great you can sleep all day, do what you want, make your own schedule. WELL, I work from home, when something needs to get done you have to do it until it's done, it's not like a outside job where if you don't get it done then next shift that comes in continues the job and gets it done. You are at home all day then all night and it actually becomes depressing after a while. I actually got somewhat jealous because my other half got to get out of the house and conversate with adults through the day, and I was well stuck at home. So no I don't think you are selfish, your having a hard time staying up to par with the baby, and your schedule. Maybe he should see this from your point of view. Your not trying to destroy what you two are working towards, but if you get tired and bummed out then you are no help to that dream because it will slip away from you. You stated your opinion with him, he got mad and yelled, you tried to discuss this, now you need to do what you think is best for you, you are the only one who really knows how you feel.. At least you didn't just do it with out discussing it with him.

Answer 3

Your feelings are 100% understandable. Pregnancy, especially if its your first, is a time when you just want to relax and take it all in... stay home... kick back... You're getting fatigue right now, too, which makes it even harder to stay motivated because you feel so tired (this returns with a vengance, by the way, in the third trimester)
With my first pregnancy I opted to not go to school (which was a condition of me not working and my husband working - I was supposed to be working toward a degree then support him while he finished his)
Instead, though, feeling like you, I decided not to register for classes. Now here I am pregnant with baby #2, 36 weeks along and have finals next week.
If I'd have taken those classes pregnant with baby #1 I would have almost been out of school right now. Now I'm having to play catchup.
And now I also realize that going to school pregnant isn't that big of a deal and that staying home pregnant just made the whole pregnacy drag on longer, really, whereas doing things has made it go by quicker.
All in all I understand how you feel because I've been there, but I see it from both points of view. You aren't being selfish, and really neither is your husband....
Only you can decide when the time is right to back off from work.
My advice: work for as long as you can and toward the end of the third trimester take off and prepare for baby, then stay home for a while after baby is born and bond.
PLUS... that fatigue will be going away for a while in a few weeks so hang in there!

Answer 4

NO! You are not being selfish...if anything you are thinking more about your family then he is. HE IS THE ONE that is being selfish. Yes he may work the same amount of hours but his body is also at full capacity. You need to think about the baby first and his "issues" second. If you do continue to work the regular job you are going to have to cut back your dance school hours- and that is just the reality.

You are risking the risking your health and the health of the baby by not listening to your body and it is telling you that you are over doing it. If he's not willing to listen to reason I would make an appointment with your doctor so that he can hear it from someone who knows. Stres and fatigue can and will affect your baby...and not in good ways. Not to mention that all this time you are spending on other things is limiting your time to yourself. Once this baby comes your entire life is going to have to change...and just because you won't be "going" to work doesn't mean you won't be WORKING. He seems to think that it's very easy for you to deal with all this because he's being sexist. He sees that being pregnant shouldn't effect you and that being a mother is not a "real" job.

I would ask him if he really wants this baby or if he would prefer to focus on his plans, because he certianly isn't seeing anything other then the way it affects him. A lot of people have to sacrifice and suffer some financial strain when having a baby...but to make you suffer for it is wrong. Tell him to grow up and stop worring about himself and start worrying about your unborn child.

Answer 5

You're not selfish. It is perfectly normal to feel tired, especially if working more then an 8 hour day everyday.. Your husband needs to be sat down and explained that if a woman is overworked it can do really bad things to the baby. Plus now that you are pregnant the baby comes first before everything, including your job and your husband. Find evidence about overworking and the effects of your baby, like in a baby book and show it to him. Tell him you understand that money will but tight but in the reality of the situation it will probably be tight for the next 18 years until this child moves out. Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it effects you even before the child is born.

Don't worry about money too much. We are all out there raising our kids with little money too.

Answer 6

Tell your husband he made you feel bad and make him get you ice cream to make up! Then you can get to your question.

You didn't say whether or not his income alone is enough to support you three. If it isn't then I can see his point. Voluntarily giving up the better portion of your income to do something less secure has a lot of drawbacks. Have you added up all the bills and new bills your baby will introduce? Do you earn enough to make it work?

If not, maybe you could give up the dance schedule for a short while? Someone else could work your shift for you. If you think you can make it work then ask your husband to compromise.

Take tonight and go for another round with him but make sure he knows to be nice!

Answer 7

Sorry but your husband is a prat. He obviously doesn't realise that because you are pregnant you have to start taking things easy as you could lose the baby. If you don't feel up to working and you're very tired then just put your foot down. By the sounds of it he doesn't want you to stop working as it means he will have to work harder!

Good luck

Answer 8

No, I don't think you are selfish but he is scared of the income drop. It is normal to be tired. Is there a way to just cut back hours for now? This must be child number1 for you because he doesn't seem to understand much about pregnancy. Good luck in making your husband see that you are not a machine and your health is important.

Answer 9

I dont think your husband understands the ENERGY your body expands to nourish and grow this baby from microscopic to a 7 pounder.

You should go part time, i mean how do you even wake up to work? i sometimes sleep all FREAKIN DAY!

Husband = wrong
pregnant woman=right

now go to sleep and rest.

Answer 10

when your pregnant dear you tend to get tired and irritable easier, which would may you want to quit and just work on your own company, but than you could face finacial troubles.

But it wasn'tthat you were trying to be selfish, but i know where your coming from. I am 27 weeks and it is hard keeping up with everything.

In your second trimester you will feel much, much better.
So keep your head high =]
Good luck & congrats.