Should we try for a baby??? It's a long one sorry........?

Question

My bf and i have been together for nearly 2 years, he already has a 3 yr old,i'm 30 & always thought by now i would be married,and kids etc,but it didn't happen.He really wants a baby with me and i really would love to have his baby now,his son stays as often as poss,his ex actually asked when he was going to get a brother/sister,(me and his ex get on really well)Everyone i no would love it if i had a baby but the situation we're in right now isn't great, i mean i'm in a lot of debt,(which i'm paying off)from an ex, i've only been in this new job for 3.5 months and at the moment we live with my parents to save a deposit for a mortgage, however our relationship is the best,i waswith my ex for 10 years and none of it was ever like this..I no there is never a 'right time' to have a baby but i can't help worrying what people would think,e.g my new boss and this new job, i'd feel like i was letting them down, but this feeling for a baby won't go away..help please.

Answer 1

When you're on your death bed, you won't be wishing that you had paid more attention to the feelings of other people like your new boss! It's your life, you have only one. Follow your heart, not the demands of people who won't remember you in ten years' time!

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel. I've been w/ my bf for quite some time, and I have always wanted to be a mother. However, I know that with debts and so on, it would be a very difficult time and it wouldn't be fair to the baby. Of course you'd somehow make it work, but it would be a struggle that could just tear your life apart. My feelings for having a baby haven't gone away and I've felt it since I was a teen. I'm 32 now. It's like an ache in my heart and in my soul. But it will come soon. And if by some evil plot I can't have children the natural way, I'll adopt. So, my advice is, wait until you two at least have a house of your own. Pay off most of your debts. Raising a baby is not cheap. And get more time in at your job before you get pregnant. If your relationship is this good, you can wait another year or two. Good luck.

Answer 3

Squiggly is correct. dont venture into parenthood ill advisedly, no matter how strong the desire. There are many things to consider, and even more to eal with before you embark on the journey to motherhood.

Stability is the key. A baby, any child, deserves at least that much, and so many dont get it. A parent has to be responsible way before the stick changes colors, because parenting encompasses so much.

Please take your time. Your baby, when you finally do have one, will thak you for planning a bit and preparing.

Also, you and your guy have been together for nearly two years. Has the subject of marriage never come up? You should consider that as well.

Anyway, I hope you make the right decisons, which would be to give your baby the best possible start in this life.

Hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Hope I helped. God bless you.

Answer 4

I think you still have time. Give yourself another year or two. I got married at 27 and had my first baby at age 32. We were waiting for better times too. We did it once we had a house and good jobs. In your case it may be a good idea to get out of debt first. In any case people have always found the way to have kids and make ends meet. I've just had my second baby this year, I'm 35 and the situation is very tight with paying for daycare ($1000.00) a month but well, daycare won't last forever and we are not going without food so it's o.k. best luck to you. A baby gives you hope and strengths you never knew you had!

Answer 5

The fact that you're asking this question should tell you it's not the right time or you wouldn't be asking it.

You're only 30,there are many women well into their 30's having babies,so there's no real rush,and if you give yourself a year or so to sort your debt worries out,be in your new job a bit longer for stability, and find a place of your own to live it might just make life a bit easier for you.

However,if you don't want to do any of the above,then just go for it and why worry what others think,lifes too short for that.

Just remember,having a baby puts it's own pressure & strain on any relationship,even the happiest & financially secure,but with your current situation,no home of your own & living with parents,an unstable job,huge debts to pay off etc.. you may find it even harder.

Plus there are certain companies that don't pay maternity pay or full maternity pay til you've been in the job for a certain amount of time.

Go into this with your eyes wide open or you may live to regret it,not the baby,just the time you chose to have one.

Goodluck.

Answer 6

This is a total personal choice, your choice.

Jmho, your situation does not sound stable enough to raise a baby. You just started a new job, you're in debt and living with your parents and 2 years for a relationship, to me, isn't that long. If I were you, I might wait another year to see how the relationship goes and where I was at in life (was I still moving forward or have I had another setback and more importantly, do I still want a child?).

The way I think about having a child is not if I and my husband want or desire a child strongly - but do we HAVE what it takes to raise and give a child everything he or she needs to grow up into a responsible citizen (which obviously a strong desire for a child is important, but not the ONLY thing that determines us having a baby) ? Until you can answer yes to most (if not all) the requirements to fulfill this question, I wouldn't think about having a baby. Desiring to have a child is important, but realistically not the only requirement that needs to be fulfilled in order to be a good and responsible parent.

Answer 7

I think that if you don't have a baby, and you leave it too long, then you'll regret it.

Possibilities:

Financial situation is a bit thin, so you should sit down with your employer and Personnel manager and find out what they think. Talk about job sharing, maternity leave and the like. Hopefully they will be receptive.

Could you develop your parents house, maybe make a "granny flat" which you could use to be more independent, but would come back to them when times get better. This could be a useful investment for your parent's property.

What does your boyfriend do as a job? Are there any chances for promotion?

Good luck.

Answer 8

It's true that there is never a good time to have a baby but considering the situation you are in at the moment i would say hang on another 9-12months. firstly you wont get maternity pay because you havent been in your job long enough.
Secondly it'd be much nicer if you could have the deposit to your house and have your own place.
Thirdly, it'd be better if you could get rid of this debt before the bab comes along, it'd be horrible f you couldnt afford all the cute little things for the baby because you have to pay off this debt.
Fourthly, i know the clocks ticking but you still have plenty of time so dont panic like it's a now or never situation.
Good luck

Answer 9

i don't think it's a good time for these reasons: you live at your parents; you JUST started this job; any talk of a permanent relationship, such as marriage (although, i am not married and pregnant, but my pregnancy was UNPLANNED and if i could do it all over again, i would've used protection and planned my life out better); you dont have money; and you are in debt.

personally, i would wait at LEAST 1 year, THEN start trying. being 30 and living at your parents' house w/ your boyfriend is not an ideal situation. also, i wouldnt even buy a house w/ a boyfriend; only w/ a husband. and if you do buy a house w/ a boyfriend, i would def. get some legal documents written up just in case you break up.

story: i had a friend, and she and her then-boyfriend bought a house, and they broke up....now, he's living there (he bought her out, but still she put her heart and soul into, but only ONE person can live there or you sell it).

good luck

Answer 10

i know theres never a right time to have a baby but you have to think realistically. could you afford a baby? you dont have your own place right now, would you still live with your parents and bring the child up there? are they happy with this? are you willing to wait until you have saved up and got your own place? if you want a baby then think this through first and dont worry about what other people say or think (apart from your parents as obviously its there house) but its nothing to do with your boss. i personally would advise you to pay off your debt and have everything sorted first and get your own place so the baby comes into a stress-free life. but if you want a baby now then go for it noone can stop you its up to you just decide carefully. good luck.

Answer 11

NO! Honey, you have way too much on your plate and then throw a baby in the mix. That is not fair to a baby. If your boyfriend wants a baby w/ you so bad then why doesn't he marry you first.?
You need to work on some goals 1st; get your priorities in order.
Work off paying your bills, save some money. Try getting a place of your own, get married. Save more money, and then maybe (just maybe) think about having a baby.
Trust me, babies cost alot of money. If we didn't have great insurance our hospital fee (this is just for labor and delivery not doc visits, lab fees, blood draws, etc) was over $10k. And then you have to pay for diapering needs, clothes, food,
doc visits and anything else that baby needs. Really think about it! There is alot.