Am I over reacting?

Question

I was with my husband 7 years before we got married 6 months ago. I know we had problems before we got married. We built a house, i moved away from family and friend and we both were under a lot of pressure. But we were strong and we both felt things would level out once married and had our own place. But things have got worse. I hardly see my husband. I am on my own most evening and have spent the last 6 months lonely and getting depressed. I have moved jobs and met new friends and adjusted well but my marriage is a mess. I have tried talking to my husband many times but he won't talk to me then I get upset and he leaves. He spends most evenings and weekends with his friends. I go to bed most nights even weekends alone and our sex life is non-existing. I try to please him and organise nice dinners and evenings for us both but it not working. I am begining to resent him as he always pushes me away when i try to get close. Is this normal 6 months into a marriage. I can't go on like this

Answer 1

I am so sorry hun, it sounds like you are going through a really rough time. I think that their may be something bothering him, but for some reason he can't or won't tell you what it is. You have a couple of choices here. It sounds like you are making all or most of the effort here, so you might want to sit him down, and tell him exactly how you feel, or write it to him in a letter, if he won't listen to you. If that doesn't work, you might have to give him an ultimatum, and tell him either you both go to couple counselling, or as hard of a decision as it would be for you, you will just have to separate, to fix your problems that way. It might just be the kick up the backside he needs to see just how seriously things have got out of hand.
One thing is clear here, and that is that you can't keep going on like this. It isn't good for your mental well being, you will end up depressed. I think you are going to have to get outside help on this one.
Good luck love, I hope things can get worked out, and take care of yourself. x

Answer 2

I'm sure it happens but its not normal. Most of the time things don't level out and get better because people get married. Things level out because people work on them together and are working towards the same goals and have the same ideas in mind. Its important to spend time together and talk out the problems. Anyone would feel resentful in your situation. You sound like you are working really hard at making the marriage work but it takes two. He needs to talk with someone and get some help and much needed advice. I used to be a person that held my problems in and didn't want to talk about anything. It almost cost me the most wonderful woman in the world. I got involved in my church group that had a weekly meeting for men, that was designed to help a man become a better Christian,husband & father. It has really helped me realize the hurtful things I was doing and causing in my relationship. I hope your husband will see the need for this too before he messes up and loses you. He needs to realize he has to consider and treat you and his first and most important priority and always talk out things with you. Without communication and quality time spent together a marriage won't work.Good luck.

Answer 3

No, you're not. Moving to a new place is not an easy thing, having your friends and family away and your husband almost non existant is not right, much less so soon into your marriage. You could try joining a gym or some sort of hobby to make friends.

As a suggestion, my parents were happy while they were dating. They got married and my mom moved to a different country to be with my dad. She was miserable for the first year. So, she took the baby and went back home. When he called her, she said she was not comming back unless things changed big time. He made it work and they were married for 35 years. Just a thought.

Answer 4

It really depends on how long you have been living in the same house with your husband. If its only been 6months you both owe it to yourselves to stick it out for at least 2 years. The first year is hell on earth! If he leaves all of the cooking and cleaning for you to do then split up the chores evenly. If romantic dinners are not working you can woo your man by taking him to a football game, doing something he thinks would be fun like going out on a double date to the movies, then somewhere fun for dinner make the evening enjoyable show you care about his friends and find out what he thinks is fun stimulate his mind, and belly and you may have your hands full with some luvin'. However, you can always sit down with him and openly discuss the situation dont bring up sex it might be too much pressure to involve such a thing find out what his worries are. Then, go out with your friends and have a goodtime you can invite him along and if he chooses not to go then thats his problem you go out and have some fun but make sure you come home at a decent hour. Keep a diary or journal of him and your affections or what you both did for the day if after looking at this journal and you see no improvements on his or your part. Then, you need to seek marriage counseling always give it a good try before you throw in the towel!

Answer 5

Hi I dont think you are over reacting at all, I understand how it feels to move away from friends and family its hards and its even harder if you are not getting on with your husband.
I got married 5 months ago and life is the same as it was before we got married we to have been seeing each 7 years before we tied the knot, we have had bad times but now everything is sorted and settled down and no more arguments, we have grown together.
But if your husband doesnt listen to you I would make him listen and try and get your head around if he doesnt change for you then you will have to leave as for one thing if it is making you misrable, it can make you ill and its not good for yourself.
I would of lost my rag and said something by now but I know not everyone is like me. I say what I feel and if they dont like it it is tough.. Why not go and stay with you parents for a while and then see how he feels then and then you can clear your head and then see where you are going to take your relationship, you wouldnt even have to go back if life is better on your own. it seems like he has no respect and seems controlling as he married you and got you to move away and also knows that deep down you wont leave as you love him.
What he is doing is wrong and when you leave for a few weeks he will realise how much he needs you, as there will be no one there to look after the house or him. so give him the chioce he either changes or you are not coming back. If he is happy with his mates rather than with you etc then you are much better out of this situation find yourself a decent bloke and there will be plenty of them out there.
He sounds like a knob and he needs to learn not to treat you that way, why has he agreed to marry you if he is treating you like this ? or has he always been this way.

Im glad you are thinking of doing the right thing, see if you can make it work and have a break if that dosnt work then leave, as you or him doenst seem to be happy in this relationship.

If you want to talk and get thinks of your chest then you can IM or email me if you want to, it always better to talk

Answer 6

Ive been with my girlfriend for about six years now, we're getting married in may. for about five years we were in a long distance relationship which too can have it's problems. About a year and a half ago i was having troublr with work. it started to depress me and i started to get moood swings i guess, i would be happy then on the verge of tears the next moment but i didn't want to involve my girlfirend with it. i didn't want to bring her down or burdon her with my problems and while i thought i was helping her i was actually making it worse. i wouldn't let her know why i was upset and it was creating tension in the relationship and we were having rows and it was quite a tricky time for us. at the same time i was gettinmg stressed because we had to sort out where we were going to live and if i would move up to her or she would move down to me. it ceated alot of strain on us and in the end the decision was made for me. i lost my job, gy girlfriends sister worked for a recruitment agency so, in a space of a week from losing my job i moved up to her and we've never been happier. the reason i tell you all this was because when i thought about. only three things were ruining the relationship. the distance, my job and my refusal to move away from all my friends and familly. once these things were worked out it started getting better and i dont know what i'd do with out her. there could be a simple reason for all of this. Also dont take his not talking to you as a sign of him not loving you. he might be trying to stop you from finding out about a problem he's having with something and just doing a poor job of paying attention to you. Trying to protect you in a bad way. In short, theres always hope. But i really do feel for you.

Answer 7

maybe you should stop pushing and just ignore him. Hopefully he'll remember he's married to you. This is risky though, you might end up not needing him anymore. You need to stop wanting and asking him to make you happy, no one can. Concentrate on yourself, shine.
As he's acting like a single man, do so, but don't you go fooling around because your sex life is non existent, just concentrate on yourself, try to get over the depression and boredom you're feeling now. Take up on a new activity, wear new perfume, make up, have a new hair cut, do things you never had time for but always wanted to do. He'll sense the change and will be attracted to you again because he'll feel like he's losing you. Give him the chance to miss you. Act like him, he'll understand, he should anyway. Unless he's seeing someone else. Yet, concentrate on you.

Answer 8

Well, if you think that is unfair to you about his behaviour after the marriage, talk to him, ask anything you want........or maybe, he's just pressured at work so that is why his behaving like that. Men, are not completely happy if they have a problem at work (everythings fucked up) families or relationship. So, why don't you give him some space for a while. Let him be alone and thinking what's going on...remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder...sooner or later he will be yours forever!!!!

Answer 9

Hey be happy you have successfully build a home together and thats GREAT !
Why not try being friends and don't expect just be happy and if you really have problems build an extra floor on your house and move on up then if you really don't love each other have an open marriage, but be friends. People say i am idealistic but in Europe we have lots of happy folks like this and we all get along and it works out fine !
God bless you and yr hubby !

Answer 10

You just need to sit down talk to him and if he doesn't listen keep trying and screaming until he does.
My marriage was crap for the 1st year and after my hubbie and i had a few screaming matches and finally talked things through, 3 years down the line our marriage is stronger than ever. But both parties need to be willing to make a marriage work, compromise and talk.