Got a bank statement saying I was overdrawn by nearly 100 quid today, couldn't understand where it came from so I rang my hubby who claimed no knowledge of it. Being a guy normally sensible with money I assumed we were victims of internet fraud, as the money was going to two seperate websites over a few days. Went to bank, cancelled cards, had a rite good ol panic and tried to work out how I could make up the shortfall being the main breadwinner in the house. Anyways the money was being taken off my hubbys card and the woman at the bank asked me if he had used the card. I stood up for him and said adamantly that he had not bought anything over the internet and I wanted something done. Gets home and tells the hubby, who confesses he bought a free trial (his words) that cost him 1.50, nearly 100 quid ha come out of our account in 3 days. He swears he only suscribed to hustler free trial, yet money is flying out. What should I do? I have no objection to porn, but lies n secrets I do.....
2007-12-03 23:50:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hummm, what to do, what to do. first. you and he need to talk. if porn's okay, but lying is not, you need to make it clear.
then, kill the hydra. disconnect the porn monster from your bank account. auto decuct can suck you dry.
if you and he decide he should buy porn, find a way to pay for it ala carte . as you consume it.
truth be told. if you give them your numbers they never go away. you have to change the numbers every time you buy more.
maybe just buying videos would save your $ sorry, don't know how to make the British pound sign.
but since you're asking for advice, let's go deeper.
men love porn cuz it puts them in control of their fantasy.
It's like drugs. starts out a little harmless but can burn your home down.
I'd advice against it. it's sorta like a wild fire. it never has enough. it never stops burning till you run out of fuel
maybe you and he fullfill some of what he's trying to find in porn?
blessings.
frankie chocolate
2007-12-04 00:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by frankiechocolate 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2016-07-19 06:11:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Following your logic, how can your man believe you aren't cheating when you watch that love movie and the guy with the 6 pack abs sweeps the woman off her feet? It was so romantic, the way he treats her and loves her. Why can't your man be more like that? You can try to rationalize it with, "It's not porn" but it is fantasy, and so is porn. Men are generally more sexual than a woman. Women tend to be more romantic. Life is not black and white. There are many colors and many shades of gray as well. Porn happens to fall into gray areas and what that means is, if it was blakc and white, then he is cheating, but since there are many shades of gray, chances are, he is not. If the porn bothers you, maybe try being more sexually adventurous with him. My gf and I love to take pix. Do something to make sure he doesn't cheat if you feel he might. And if you only feel he is cheating because of insecurities, seek counseling. Even couples counseling might be a good idea. Just remember, porn is fantasy. Love stories are fantasy. Fantasy does not equal cheating. Hope this helps.
2016-04-07 07:37:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible he signed up for some sort of trial and then (because he didn't IMMEDIATELY cancel it before the 'free' trial was over) the site automatically charged the card for another period of time.
I'd call the company that made the charge and CANCEL HIS ACCOUNT(S) IMMEDIATELY.
Then take it out of his hide.
After all, he's a man. If he wants to look at porn, he should do it with you....or with your permission. Don't treat him like a criminal. He figured you'd be upset that he was even looking at it and so he hid it. Let him know that you get it, but you'd rather he tell you...and make sure that he cancels any "trial" subscriptions as they all have in their small print that if you don't cancel they will AUTOMATICALLY keep billing you.
2007-12-03 23:58:07 · answer #4 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact that he isnt being honest about the Free Trial thing I would ask him to show you the website first to make sure its says its free. I would talk to him about how it makes you feel like you cant trust him if your on a tight budget and cant afford certain bills how can he afford porn? Some people like to buy candy, shoes, porn, beer whatever. It may be important to him to be looking at porn maybe you two can figure out a way for him to still look at porn and for you to buy the shoes you want. Set aside play money for the two of you and split it up if he is solely the one paying for the porn there is nothing you can do however if the porn prevents him from paying bills on time then you know what to tell him!
2007-12-04 00:03:32 · answer #5 · answered by Maddie Z 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Some fantasies are better alone than shared. It could just be that he wants to have some privacy when it comes to porn. Plus its embarrassing to have to ask your wife before you can see some basic porn! Just tell him your okay with it but just make sure that you have the funds for it. Alot of those 3 day trials continue billing unless you cancel it at the end of the trial.
2007-12-04 00:07:46 · answer #6 · answered by Hayven 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi,
He was probably just a bit embarassed..
As he thought that he had only paid 1.50 the large amounts of money probably stumped him..Its quite common for not well known websites to rip you off..
When the bank lady said it had come off his card, thats probably when he twigged. And I dont blame him, I wouldnt want to say infront of random people "Oh I bought porn"
I really dont think your hubby was lying to you, or trying to hurt you.
I think hes learnt a lesson here, If I were you, id leave him with his tail in between his legs for a few days. :)
2007-12-03 23:58:30 · answer #7 · answered by ♣♠Kirsty♠♣ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
One thing we have to understand, is that unfortunatly men and the way they think is so different to the way we think. Men lie. Fullstop. They dont want to tell us the truth because they dont want to hurt us. But what they dont understand is that we get even more hurt and upset when they continuously lie about everything. My partner was looking at porn behind my back on our computer, and when i confronted him, he swore blue murder that he knew nothing about it. This made me even more furious, because the proof was right in front of us, and its only us & my babygirl in the house, and it wasnt me or her. He finally confessed, coz i threatened that if the truth wasnt told, then i would tell his mum. It worked, and the truth came out. Another reason why some men find it hard to tell the truth is because they dont want to feel that they have let you down, according to them. Some men who lie just dont wanna come across as failures, so they feel that what you dont know wont hurt. Lets admit it though, although we would love to think that us woman are perfect, im sure there are so many things about us that absolutely confuse the heck out of our loving partners.
2007-12-04 00:23:05 · answer #8 · answered by montana 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Give him final notice to repent and if he still giving more lies to cover the secrets...tell him to grow up out of your life dear. Too many worries and thinking needed as main breadwinner.Its hurt to say this to husband but such husband very not easy to repent...hopefully GOD gave your husband best lesson in his life and change to better husband.
2007-12-04 00:09:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cancel all the cards. And try to decide if you wanna be with someone that lies to you about little things.
2007-12-04 00:14:29 · answer #10 · answered by christina30 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋