how do i cope?

Question

I have a huge heart and was raised very family orinated. My husband was raised with a family that doesn't support each other. Now my family lately has been for the past 2 1/2 years always asking me for my help in ways that stress me out to my limits. They seem to always want me to go above and beyound for them. which i give them all i got, however it seems its never enough. I get "crap" for not being able to do more. My husband says i need to learn tough love. I help my fmaily every time they r in need. even if i don't always recieve any help at times. I'm so stressed ut because my mom asked a simple request, which i wasn't able to fulfill. she didn't give me a chance to figure it out, let alone try and help....she just hung up on me. its become a normal thing. I have stomach pains from this stress, lack of sleep, depression, crying, i'm an emotional roller coaster. I also have Polycyctic Ovairan syrome. My husband and I are trying to have a child. we both have a small chance. however

however we both have little chance of concieving. I've been told i need to try and control my body to prepare for conception. I'm so stressed out that it seems inpossible. i want a child very badly and feel like i will never get one and thati may end up in an early grave. I can't ease the stress. I feel like i'm letting my whole family down if i don't or can't help. I even went as far as allowing my family to move in right after my wedding. It was hard...I feel guilty if i have any money to spare and they need or want something. there are 4 kids. i'm the oldest... no other kid helps. one lives at home is a mother now and her bf and her won;t work... making my mom's life hell. which adds to me trying to come to the rescue. does anyone have ideas to help? am i to senistive? is my husband right? i feel that i may ruien my marriage one day over this crap! so if anyone has expericence or advice.. please help:)

Answer 1

This is destroying you emotionally, physically and mentally. You are being taken advantage of. I can see your mother being stressed out to. You really need to talk to your mom and your sister and tell her she needs to get a place of her own. This is probably adding stress to your mom, which in turn she is taking it out on you. Don't feel obligated to help them anymore. There are plenty of things they can do to help themselves. Your sis and her bf for one need to get off their lazy butts and get a job. focus on your marriage right now. Because your husband will get sick of you running to their beck and call all the time. And they are bringing you down with them. Family or not, when you have done all you can do, and they won't even try, it's time to let them take care of their own problems. All this added stress and anxiety is definitely not helping you in any way to concieve. Get yourself together for you and your husband, and create a happy life for yourselves. it's not being selfish, it's being sensible, and part of being a matre adult. Something your family ( no offense ) need to do. Best of luck to you on trying for a baby, my prayers are with you.

Answer 2

Darlin'
You need to simplify your life.
Develop an overriding single goal and work on that.
If it is conception follow doctors orders and avoid the stress issues.

Most important you need to develop a more selfish attitude.
It is past time for your siblings to start to grow up.
Sadly, Mom must be told that you are going through some health issues and you cannot be available at the drop of a hat to help others out with their avaoidable problems.

Much of this emotional roller coaster may be directly attributed to the health issue.
Step back take a deep breath. Let the others deal with their own problems for a while. They have become dependent .
Make thes problems like water off a duck's back.
Visualize those problems as big drops running off the feathers.

If you cannot learn how to say no and be a bit more self oriented you are in for trouble.

Answer 3

I can understand you wanting to help your Mother's family out. However, it seems as if they are going over board on the hand outs. I agree with your husband you need to learn tough love. Learn how to say NO, since they don't seem to appreciate the things you do any way.

One reason you may not be able to have a baby is because of the condition your body is in due to all the stress your mother's family is putting you through.

They (and you) need to realize that when you got married you formed your own family and their needs should come first. If you can not learn tough love, just tell your mother's family anything they need has to come from your husband (you should at least get his permission).

Answer 4

You have some unbelievable need to save everyone and if you continue in this mode, you will have killed yourself and your marriage. I think a little time with a counselor would help you get over your feelings of insecurity that lead you to going over the top to help your family. They aren't going to ever be grateful. They will just continue to take. You already know you don't feel better when you try to be the white knight for them. If you want a family of your own, you won't have time for anyone else. Take the time now to get the help you need to start telling these people no. Start right away.

Answer 5

oh,i think we're on the same boat.it's very understandable how badly you want to help ur mom,but then again,you have ur own life to live.give only what you can,and tell them esp.the non-working sis and bf that you aren't rich enough to support their needs/wants.they should learn to value your hard-earned money.yes,the hubby is right.don't give them everything,extend your hand on emergency cases.rmmber,u'r married already.you don't make your own decisions anymore,you have a husband to consult first. best luck!

Answer 6

Your loyalty only goes so far. You need to let your family know they're not going to put any stress in your life. They get themselves in these messes and they can get themselves out of them. You don't owe them anything.