Not actually having sex with the other person but kissing and some touching. You feel guilty and this has never happened before though you know it was a mistake and wont happen again. You are engaged to be married and planning to have children together in the future. Do you tell and risk losing it all and hurting your partner deeply or do you live with the deceit and put it down to a lesson learned?
2007-12-03 21:19:31 · 23 answers · asked by honey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm female
2007-12-03 21:30:11 · update #1
SNAP. Last new year I had a very passionate kiss with a friend. Nothing else happened. We agreed it was wrong and put it behind us. I never told anyone. I was with my fiance 7 years and we got married 6 months ago. Things were good and returned to normal between me the other person. Until approx 4 weeks ago it happened again. I am gutted and really depressed. I can't believe 6 months into my marriage this has happened. Looking back I feel that if I truly loved my husband this should not have happened. I now feel that there were cracks in our relationship that I ignored. I know that it was only a kiss and nothing else happened but why have I allowed it to happen not once but twice. This is not something to sweep under the carpet. It so easy to get carried away with wedding plans. I now feel that I should have put the wedding on hold or had a break to sort out my true feelings. Maybe like me you know it was a mistake and say it won't happen again, but it did. Problem is for me now I feel really low, very alone and very confused and feel I can't talk to anyone.
2007-12-03 23:28:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest an advise but no sense if you do it or not. It's up to you to decide.
If you are yet engaged not yet married, better to keep it in yourself. Do not tell him. If you tell him either, you are not sure of his reaction, either it will hurt him or not? If he hurts him, he might back out from the plan to marry you. If you do not tell him, he wouldn't know unless the man you kissed would tell him.
In any relationship, to be honest and kind of faithfulness to your mate will make you closer to each other. This is because your mate will learn how to understand you as his life time partner if everything you feel free to tell him even your secrete. A basic fundamental of trust.
There comes a time, a golden opportunity to reveal and discuss with your mate to show it to him how honest you are. Since the kissing was done ahead before the marriage rites, I don't see your mate why can he not forgive you for the wrong including the kissing you have made in the past, if you postponed to tell him what happened, the time when he is in the mood.
Keep it as an experienced, lol............
2007-12-03 23:05:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends. Was this a one time thing that you really regret and will never happen again? Do you still want to stay with your partner? Then I wouldn't say anything and I wouldn't do it again. It didn't go far enough to be really worried about.
However, if this is something that has happened more than once, or you feel like you had an emotional affair with this person, then you need to tell your partner right away. Something must be missing in your relationship or you wouldn't have cheated. Plus, you know the next time your tempted to cheat, in the back of your mind you're going to be thinking, "Well, she didn't find out about the first time....maybe I can get away with it again...." Not good.
Ultimately, it's up to you. Is your guilt really bothering you? Then maybe you should tell her anyway to clear your conscious. Good luck!
2007-12-03 21:29:55 · answer #3 · answered by Jacqueline D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know all the arguments for the tell theory......BUT......in telling you are forgiving yourself is this the best motive? If it is all in the past and was a mistake as you say and you have no intention of ever going there again......then don't tell. You will be hurting another and sewing seeds of doubt in their mind. Just be sincere in your heart in the sentiments you express verbally....as in a mistake etc....if you have any doubts at all then it would be more honest and fair to your partner not to walk down the aisle.
2007-12-03 22:26:37 · answer #4 · answered by eagledreams 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married! You are not ready. Your subconscious is trying to tell you not to marry this person. You will only end up hurting your friends. Best this happened before the marriage. When you break up with this person, you owe it to tell the truth and say that you are not ready for a 100% commitment. DON'T GET MARRIED. Save everyone, including yourself, the heartbreak. It will happen again!!! Something inside you knows it. You are not with the right person. Be brave. Do the right thing for everyone involved.
2007-12-03 21:29:43 · answer #5 · answered by Alea S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are here now asking this question so I will say your deceitfulness is eating at you. It always will...everytime you look in the mirror you will not like the lady that is looking back at you. But..ultimately the decision to come clean is yours. When we decide to deceive the person we are devoted to at the time...we've also made the decision to accept whatever consequences that come as a result of our deceitfulness whether we realize it or not.
2007-12-03 22:05:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, think this through!! If you cheated on her, do you still love her??
It's hard to tell, but tell het dude!! If you dont, you are just going to have a fake thing and one day the truth will come out. it will be less painfull to tell now, than it will be to tell over 25 years after having kids. and your soon to be wife will lose faith in you if you only tell her in future.
Plus, if you really still love her and show it to her, she should forgive you.
Just believe in God, and whatever happens know that it is part of His plan with you!!
Ill send a Prayer up for you!!
Good luck. Hope things work out
2007-12-03 21:28:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are certain it won't happen again, put it down as a lesson learned. Telling him will only place doubt and pain on him. Honesty is one thing, stupidity and hurting him is another thing. Lesson learned; don't ever do this again
2007-12-04 00:37:38 · answer #8 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you know what is wrong and what is right, and as long as you take it as a learning for your future, I think it is best not to tell about this one time "kind of cheating" to your partner. This way you will avoid hurting your loving partner.
Also remember, how would you feel, if your partner cheated on you.
It is best to be truly faithful to each other.
2007-12-03 21:44:58 · answer #9 · answered by Narendra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really believe you should say what you have been up to. Everybody have the right to know what they are getting into. If your conscience bothered you as bad as to get up here on this site and ask the question, then it will haunt you for a time to come. If you loved him so much to be engaged to him and plan having his kids, why wasn't he that important for you to remain faithful?
2007-12-03 21:54:24 · answer #10 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋