I recently got engaged im only 19, but i can't share the news with my mother bc i am certain she will doubt

Question

I am in a healthy loving relationship and i am sure that this isn't going to be some kind of mistake, my boyfriend was going to wait but he couldnt and i said yes. We dont plan on getting married until i finish at least 2 years at skool and get some kind of degree. My mother is divorced and we live together with her recent boyfriend. We have a good relationship except when it come to discussing how i should live my life and so on. Shes not understanding to the fact that i will be turning 20 next month and i want to begin living my life the way i feel i should and can. We dont speak about my relationships with friends or my fiance. We've had a bad history when i was in my early teens i've left home because of terrible physical fights but after sometime we have moved on & nothing such has happened since. I just dont know how 2 tell her and its been stressing me for the last couple of days.. Should i tell her or should i let her be.. R there anywebsites that can help me cop with my issues

Answer 1

Firstly, you're a woman now, you'll be twenty soon and old enough to make your own decisions and know what you want. You seem to be sensible about this, intending to have some decent education before getting wed and after all you've only got engaged yet not married. I can appreciate what you're going through here, I was afraid to tell my Mum I was engaged to my second husband and I was thirty with my own family and home. She didn't kick off as bad as I thought she would when I told her and now she treats him like a son and we've been happy together for eighteen years. So things can turn out OK sometimes. If I were you I'd just tell her and explain exactly how sure you are you're doing the right thing and how strong your relationship is with him. After all if someone else told her first it would make things even worse. You say you've had a difficult past, well try and put it well and truly behind you and look to the future, after all you're an adult now and should be making your own decisions and if you make mistakes then you are the one that has to live with them. Your Mum might surprise you, after all she probably only wants to see you happy and as she has a relationship herself then she can't really object to you having one. Maybe being divorced herself she doesn't want you to make the same mistakes as she did and have to go through it all but of course this is your relationship and not hers.
Just show her how mature you are and how certain you are about your future with your fiance and then perhaps she will realise that her little girl has matured and grown up, some parents just can't cope with the fact that their kids are growing up and they have to be reassured sometimes. Just pluck up the courage to speak to her as worrying about this will make you ill and she'll probably notice that you seem stressed anyhow. In my experience it's much better to get things out in the open sooner rather than later. I hope it all goes well, all the very best to you and your fiance, I hope you'll be very happy, I'm sure you will!

Answer 2

If you are afraid to share something, it's because it's usually not the path you should be on.

19 is too young to get married. I'm 31 now, and I'm glad I waited until 28 to get married instead of 20.

Getting married does not mean that you will begin your life. I had a lot of friends that got married around your age, now in their 30s, they are either divorced, have several kids and divorced, or have several kids and just getting by.

It's best if you seek professional counseling and not through a website.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Well, you're going to have to tell your mother eventually, right? Because you can't really have a situation where you tell your mother the day before you get married or something. It seems like she would resent it if you got engaged and didn't tell her for a long time, and then she found out that you had been keeping that information from her.

It sounds like you and your mother could benefit from some relationship counseling. In a secure counseling situation, you might feel more comfortable sharing this important information with your mother.

Answer 4

hi....lot of answers you got..but i think you are absolutely wrong in not letting her know. She is your mom and she will ..she has to understand you..You know all moms in this world have this thing about them.... they always want their kids to be happy.......and somebody there said that you n your mom need some kind of counselling..!! ridiculous......you dont need any of that...........i am sure you n ur mom can talk this..and just be perfect...........if the guy is good..there is no reason she wont like him.......but i think isnt it too young to get married?//....make a career ..have a life first............i mean just my view....its all ur choice after all