Last week, my child had a friend come to vist, and both parents came to pick him up.The husband was profusely complimenting us on our home (it's not flash - just a humble, but well-kept home), our kids and how presentable they always are, and their good behaviour.This was all very nice of course, but the compliments came at the expense of his wife. He even said things like that I have 4 kids and look how orderly everything is, she (his wife) has only 2 and can't keep up with things. I was so shocked and embarrassed that I really didn't know what to say.He wasn't drunk, and they didn't appear to have been fighting or anything before so I just don't understand it. I am married,so it's not as though the compliments were to flirt with a single mother or anything like that. I didn't know what to say but just changed the subject, but he mentioned it again, and his wife just said "Oh well we can't all be mrs perfect". I felt so uncomfortable. I cried when they left.How will I face her again?
2007-12-03 20:19:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is really the last thing I needed as I've been trying to make more friends at my kids' school. I've avoided seeing her since this happened last week, but I'm not going to be able avoid her altogether forever. What should I say to her? She really looked mighty annoyed.
2007-12-03 20:26:12 · update #1
Well now, just calm down a bit.
If you'll put on the kettle and fetch us a spot of tea, I'll share with you some of how we men think and fail to think.
Oh, Earl Grey if you please.
Anyway, if we are complimenting another women in the presence of our partner, we are not compairing her to our partner. We are merely pointing out that which you are being complimented about.
She could easily have backed up his compliments by agreeing with him rather than feel she was being compared. She also could have said that she would simply be delighted if you would share with her some tips on being such a wonderful homemaker.
By admitting some of our shortcomings, we open the door to accepting suggestions from those who can advise us wisely.
Some of us, however, are not always as quick thinking as we wished we were.
Can you imagine the conversation between the two of them on the way home?
Now, you have a chance to downplay this whole thing by suggesting that your husband is such a help to you and pratically runs the house by himself. This takes the focus off of you and eases the tension a bit. It also suggests that if he would lend his wife a hand at home their house could be better kept.
Oh? Crumpets you say? I've never had crumpets. I live near the colonies, you see. Well, maybe just one. Anyway....
If I were you, I would be the first to make a move to get better aquainted with her and the sooner, the better. If you were to ask her advise on something that your not too good at doing (come on, there's got to something), that would give you a chance to show that your not Mrs. Perfect after all and in her eyes it would make you seem less of a super mom and more like an average housewife.
If it comes up, you could mention that though your home was tidy at the time, it didn't happen overnight and was a long process in getting and keeping it that way. Mention also that they didn't see some of the more normal rooms or how backed up the laundry is.
Anything that you can do or say to suggest that you are more on her level than it appears will make her more comfortable with you.
Mention something to her about what your husband said one time that embarrassed you. Then you can agree that we can be insensitive at times since we don't think like a woman.
Tell her that you were embarrassed and at a loss for words. Tell her that you had a good cry about it. Show some vulnerability and discuss it with her.
Another crumpet? Well, just one more then. Thank you.
Best Wishes
.
2007-12-04 17:39:52 · answer #1 · answered by Fade To Black 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh I feel for you but there really isn't anything you can do.
Except, maybe call the wife for something out of the ordinary like an off the wall question about school somthin'somethin and see how she sounds. Invite her by herself over for coffee if she seems ok on the phone. Or, if there's an upcoming event at school and you know they'll be there then try to get her aside ti comment on how cute or nice or whatever her dress is, or hair or you know. Then maybe the subject of that "that night" can be brought up in that you feel badly that her husband made those comments...
But really, it's not your fault and not your problem , except that you're making it your problem because you feel badly and want them to be your friends...I get it. But, maybe this all happened for a reason. You can find better friends that don't have alcoholic husbands complimenting you at the expense of their wives!
Hang in there and just let it all blow over...
woohoo for your clean house, I have a toddler and it's not an easy thing!
2007-12-03 20:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by sunoverla 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
You are very gentle and easily affected by others. Do know that not everything is your fault.
Having four kids and being able to successfully manage a family is a just great. Some husbands ridicule their wives, or scold their wives in public. Its terrible. I have even seen a husband cursing his wife in the shopping complex for grabbing some extra groceries. But, hey, we are nobody to judge cos the husband may have financial difficulty.
Now the point is that, you need to realize that the problem lies not in you. Don't ever cry because of people like them again, its not worth your tears.
In conclusion, they are just jerks. Let them be and let them handle their own problems. And keep up being the Mrs. Perfect that you are.
2007-12-03 20:32:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you handled the situation just as well as anyone could. You shouldn't feel bad about seeing this woman again. It sounds to me that this man is obviously not satisfied with his home life and marraige in some way, and seeing your nice house and family probably made him wish his wife was more like you in a sense. They are probably having some kind of problem(s) at home, even if they weren't making it obvious. I'm sure his wife is not upset with you, if anything, she is the one that is probably embarrassed. Her husband made an uncomfortable situation for all of you...she should be mad at him for making such bold statements to you to make you feel awkward in your own home. Be just as kind and friendly as ever to the both of them, seeing as you can't avoid them forever, and act like nothing happened. If you bring it up, it may just embarrass the woman even more than she already is. In fact, she may apologize to you for her husbands actions...I know I would! If so, accept her apology, and hopefully nothing like that will happen again.
2007-12-03 20:35:53 · answer #4 · answered by Jazzy♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't avoid her. Tell her your secret, or tell her a small lie, like you have home help, a great au pair, whatever.
The poor woman, her husband is a jerk. She must have felt pretty awful too. You should tell her how you felt on her behalf. No loving partner would do that, treat someone they are supposed to love like they are a naughty child in front of another parent.
2007-12-03 20:45:46 · answer #5 · answered by Orla C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she was angry at you. i think he was wearing her down until she may envy you. That's not fair to you at all. You should pull her aside and tell her how bad you felt about her husbandgoing on and on about something you work so hard at. Tell her if you have upset her in anyway, please forgive you. If you keep ducking her, she may become bitter towards you. Yes, at times we have to be the bigger person. The next time you run into him and he does the same thing, just tell him thanks and demand the conversation to be turned over to you and his wife to talk about something totally opposite of what he his talking. Even walk away from him. He's a jackass.
2007-12-03 21:25:58 · answer #6 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did nothing wrong; it was this man who was out of place; obviously caring less about his wifes feelings. He looked like a jerk in front of everyone; not his wife. You have no reason to feel awkward in her presence, but her husband sure does. Sure she holds this against her husband and not you. He was way out of line
2007-12-04 00:42:14 · answer #7 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would you cry after they left??????? her husband is the one who behaved oddly. she probably wasn't annoyed at you at all but at her husband for embarrassing her and himself. be mature about it and just call her, invite her and the kids over for a playdate/ coffee and explain to her that you felt uncomfortable and hope that she doesn't hold anything against you. offer her some conversation and friendship and clear the air.
2007-12-03 21:32:01 · answer #8 · answered by laura1977 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't worry about it,it's not your problem,let them deal with it,i don't think he was flirting in any way at all,just having some obvious digs at his wife,maybe you are better off with finding other parents to meet,these two sound way weird.
2007-12-03 20:33:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Next time you see her say "My god that was embarrassing - does he have a problem with me or something? I didn't know where to put myself! I would kill my hubby if he pulled a stunt like that!" Give her the chance to vent about what an a*se he is - because he is.
2007-12-03 20:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by who me? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋