I have been with my husband for 3 years and married for almost 2. We have had many ups and downs, but we always seem to work things out. I am finally getting tired of working things out. All the problems we have had have been due to his dishonesty. He lies about so many little things, that it makes me wonder if he'll lie to me about major things, hence I have no trust for him. I don't feel happy in this marriage because of the lack of trust. This is not what I have ever wanted in a relationship, but I feel trapped. I gave up an amazing career to move with him for his career, & have become a stay at home mom. I LOVE the child that we have created, she is wonderful and the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, but I feel like I do not love my husband anymore. I feel that I am falling out of love, because I am overwhelmed with hate toward him. I don't want him to kiss or touch me, & the sound of his voice just aggravates me, mainly because I feel as if everyword is a lie.
2007-12-03 20:19:35 · 24 answers · asked by Love to Answer 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel trapped because if I leave, I have to start over financially and emotionally. I wouldn't know where to go either... it's SO scary. But, the idea of leaving is like a dream to me... would be wonderful!
I have forgiven him for his lying many times, but it has never ended...and I should have known that from the start, but I had hope and believed in him that he meant everything he ever said. He obviously didn't.
2007-12-03 20:22:16 · update #1
It sounds as if your hate is a reaction to wanting to love him and not being able to. The more we love someone the more we react emotionally when they do things that we do not approve of.
This in itself gives me a lot of hope for your relationship.
That being said, trust is a very hard thing to rebuild, and it is a long journey. Communicating seems to be the right answer for every relationship question, and yet, we do not seem to get it right.
Maybe it is a good idea for you to get him to explain, and for you to understand why he lies ... The answer will probably hurt, but I think it will be worth it in the end.
Stay strong...
2007-12-03 20:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes being a stay at home mom isn't all that it's hyped up to be. EVERY new mother goes through these emotions. It is a big change from just the two of you to having another child in the family. This is just a phase. As long as you still smile when you think about how you and your husband met or hooked up, there is still hope.
You need some time away from your child, whether it's a part time job or a night out with the girlfriends. This is just to keep your sanity. Even going grocery shopping or getting your hair done without your baby is also a "time for yourself" moment.
Good luck!
2007-12-04 04:25:25 · answer #2 · answered by school_questions 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can't even lie to you, when I say... I know what you mean. Lying is the worst thing to bring into a relationship and especially if they are a compulsive liar. I am now in your shoes when you say, you don't want to be touched, talked to and the sound of his voice is enough to make you draw blood. it is hurtful to know that the person that's suppose to love you will willfully lie to you. I found out, if they will lie to you, they will lie on you. Now you feel as if he says '' good morning'' that's could be a lie too. Oh My Gosh, forget love making. It is now the worst thing ever, because, how do you know that he's really feeling what he say he's feeling? If you talk to him and tell him what you are feeling, he may lie about something or get mad and not want to solve it, because really deep down you still love him, you just don't like him. If you don't face him and you eventually leave him, you won't trust another man for the rest of your life. Oh and if he lie about small things, he will lie about big things. I really believe you should tell him what you are feeling and see if he wants to work on the marriage. it is not fair for you and the baby to live in anger.
2007-12-04 05:13:12 · answer #3 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should talk to him about his lies. Does he lie to get himself out of trouble with you, or does he lie to make himself look good? I know you keep working things out with him, but trust is a major thing in a relationship. I have been with my partner for 20 years, and it was very hard in the beginning because of trust issues. However, things did get better as time went on. Do you have any family (yours, or his) that are nearby? Maybe you could talk to them about this? Write him a letter - I know this sounds mad when you live together, but if you write him a letter, it will allow you to stay calm while you get everything out, and it will also allow him to think about it, and write you back. We did this quite a lot when we were fighting and arguing, and it really did work. It saves a lot of upset and crying. Good luck. :)
2007-12-04 04:31:34 · answer #4 · answered by claire b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES IT'S SCARY,but your sanity and peace of mind are far more precious. I firmly believe that marriage is a sacred bond.However, if there is no joint effort...matters will only become worse. Believe me when I say,that I know what you're experiencing. There was a time, that I thought that my marriage defined me in many ways. I didn't want to FAIL. But, when I finally put the foolishness aside, I knew that I deserved better and could make it on my own. Best Wishes!
2007-12-04 04:49:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a very important aspect of marriage and when the trust is not there you are bond to feel some hatred especially for the man you gave so much for, but if you are not sure about leaving him then tell him he has to see a marriage counsellor to help work on his lies.
After all this if he still refuses to cahnge then you just have to move on with your life.
2007-12-04 04:41:25 · answer #6 · answered by black&proud 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should STICK by him for your child and you need to forgive and accept his faults.
In Denmark we have shared parenting, so if you get divorced you just live near by and have to accept the new partner. If you try to take the kid away you will be arrested at the railway station or state border and rightly so !
The CHILD comes first and you created together so you must STAY together.
If he is needing another woman you be understanding and why not buy a house with 2 appartments then your beautiful child will always be at home and never from a broken home !
Seriously, i am suggesting a happy solution, I live in one appartment, the wife upstairs, the kids can roam freely up and down, as they choose. School is across our yard, everyone is happy and we still have drinks and all the other things, we just are a bit more independent as we are more wealthy now we are older and more educated.
We pay our taxes and support our community, nobody knows we have a separate appartment house, we say we let out the wife's appartment to tourists, so all is fine and dandy and we are RESPECTED by our community, and rightly so !
2007-12-04 04:48:46 · answer #7 · answered by Love life and share happiness 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Feel sorry for him instead because people that are habitual liars are people that don't believe they would be accepted for their true self. AND a word of warning, stop nagging him about it b/c men that are nagged about lying can sometimes explode and hurt the women. Beware. Tread lightly. If you are going to leave him then make a plan and start putting aside some money. There are places that will help you. Just be careful. Try to build up his self esteem.
2007-12-04 04:24:45 · answer #8 · answered by Gottaloveher 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have never felt like this towards my husbend . but im sure that ur daughter can sense things all kids can . so staying isnt gonna be healthy for her. so if u are falling outta love an hate ur hubby you should leave. the longer u stay the harder it will be to leave.if ur child is young this is the best time to leave because they wont really know whats going on . if they are older u go threw them thinking its there fault. an of course u can tell them its not an it may work but thats a hassel . good luck ! do whats best for ur child but if u stay just for ur child it will never work b/c u wont be happy .
2007-12-04 04:27:31 · answer #9 · answered by sweetness 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I think you should first exhaust all options and do what you can to salvage the marriage. Seek some professional counseling and after that if you still decide you want out, then go. I understand trying to make it work for the child, but if you're that unhappy, it's not good for the child either. Good luck.
2007-12-04 04:25:27 · answer #10 · answered by I know a lil' bit about that 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋