What would you do?? My husband left myself and my 3 children?

Question

6 months ago. He is paying child support and I am working 3 jobs to get by. The other day he told me I must be doing well for myself since I am working 3 jobs. He never asks if the kids or I need anything. He is still in their lives and sleeps over my house (in a separate room) on weekends. He keeps saying he wants to get back together, but not once has he asked how I am doing. All of a sudden he is spending alot of time with his mother who was never there for him while he was growing up. He has a big family and is always there for them whether it be doing things for them or listening and he is never there for me and not there for the kids like he is for his other family members. Would you forgive him for leaving? I don't know if I can. I want to do what's best for the kids, not me. Yes, I know this is Yahoo, just curious what others think. Friends and family tell me to leave him for good.

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I spend alot of time with my children! I work when they are sleeping (have a family member with them) and while they are at school. We spend time after school and weekends. I just don't sleep alot--no biggie! They mean the world to me!

Answer 1

When he says you must be doing well for yourself since you're working 3 jobs, tell him that you're NOT doing well...that working 3 jobs isn't your choice, you HAVE to do it in order to survive. If he cared and really wanted to get back together, he'd worry about your well being. You want to do what's best for your children...and that might be having two parents who are both in their lives and who both love and care about them, but aren't necessarily together. I'm not sure why you guys separated, but maybe there was a lot of tension in the house, maybe there was lots of aruging...and if that's the case, then it might be for the best interest of your children for you guys to split and split for good. Better to have two parents who love them and spend time with them and who are on amicable terms than to have two parents who live under the same roof who are at each other's throats and unhappy all the time.

Answer 2

Some men just focus on the whole money issue when a marriage is over. They really don't get it - the whole responsibility thing about parenting, financially or otherwise. Just keep doing what you are doing. Try not to resent the fact that he is a jackass. If you worked three jobs and 1 paycheck just went into a savings account, he probably wouldn't understand or appreciate that.
Let him sleep in your house on the weekends, be involved with his kids. But realize that he doesn't understand money. Maybe he never will. It's not a good reason for you to get back with him - tolerating him and his problems is just the price you pay for keeping your kids' dad in their lives. That is well worth it. They should also eventually get to know his family better - they are relatives, after all.

Answer 3

Well first of all, I commend you for keeping a handle on this situation. Just holding on to 1 job is hard enough, let alone you have 3. Not to mention also raising 3 kids. I thought I had alot on my plate. If no one has told you today what a great job you're doing, let me me be the first. Further more, your husband definately needs a wake up call & shouldn't have the advantage of walking in & out of your lives as he pleases. Regardless if he has rights to or not. He chose to walk out, right? Well, only you can make the final choice. Whatever it is, be sure to be strong & go with the decision that's in the best interests for YOURSELF & children. Its hard to fulfill your family with happiness if your not happy yourself. Although it may seem overwhelming, what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger. Keep your head up. And when you go to kiss your kids goodnight, that look in their eyes will remind you how important you are & that its all worth it in the end.

Answer 4

oK doing best for you is waht is best for the kids
don't foul yourself in thinking that it will be best to bring back a selfish man into their life just because he was the sperm donor
he left stay out and you move on with your life, your home is not a motel or hotel it should not be treated as such he left he need to find his own place to sleep, by sleeping at your house he is making sure that you have not move on while he can go and do as he pleases
so ask him to not to sleep over any more he left so he need to grow up
and noted why are you doing 3 jobs, when do you have time to spend with your children noted he can also use the jobs against you in a custody hearing

Answer 5

I would leave him for good. I would not forgive him for leaving. What is best for the kids is to have a mother that is not miserable and to have a father that will not walk out. If you take him back you are never going to know if or when he is going to walk out on you again. He sounds like a jerk and you can do better. He does not care about your needs or those of his children and that makes him trash. He should want more for his children than for their mother to have to work three jobs to feed them and keep them sheltered. Cut your loses and move on. You need someone that cares about you and your well being. Good luck to you dear.

Answer 6

I would have to question his family obligations and you may want to consider that he is not with the family he says he is with....just a comment but sounds like when he comes and stay the night with you, you should charge rent, and why? why does he stay the night? probably because the kids might divulge the activities that is going on at his place...

you shouldnt stalk someone but dont trust them either the only thing they can get from you is... benefits it appears.... stop giving so much make him work dont be afraid to stand your ground and quit asking what he is doing...it means nothing if he isnt visiting the kids or you then it aint you....

i dont think he is with his family. push away and he will probably want to be closer. your choice on what you allow...