Before we married my husband and i agreed we would have a family. now he says no way, not ever. I am almost 30 and want to start having kids. I do love him, but having children is important to me! I can not have an "accident" since we would need help to get pregnant from a medical professional. I have tried to ask him why he changed his mind, but never get a straight answer? Why do you think this is and what should i do?
2007-12-03 16:19:22 · 11 answers · asked by cuteandsassy78 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im so sorry
this situation is so hard but truthfully if it were me i would choose kids over a husband especially at ur age. because what happens 5 years from now if heavan forbid u and ur husband split up...then take this scenario..what if u two split up and he gets remarried THEN has kids???? then where would that leave u. if he agreed to something as big a a family BEFORE u got married he should stick to it. if not he is violating an agreement which is fraud and u can divorce him.....would it be easier not to have kids or not to have him
this is a hard decision only u can make but really think about it. ive thought of this too and if my husband changed his mind i would have to leave for my own sanity. u live ur life for you.....u have to be happy and if u know u need kids well thats something thats just not gonna change
i wish u well and my heart really goes out to u.
2007-12-03 17:02:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve an honest answer about his reasons for changing his mind. However - you cannot make him tell you the truth.
Try to think of every reason why he would change his mind. For example ... has he changed his mind about the relationship? ... does he have other plans?? .. does he not want to spend the money it would cost?? ... has his feelings changed?
He needs to fess-up and tell you why.
You need to really work on getting him to tell you why he changed his mind .. and why he doesn't want kids .. and why does he say no way.
There is also a reason why he isn't telling you ... wonder what that reason is?
If you definitely cannot get an honest answer from him ... then you will need to consider the reason he is being dishonest to you .. there is a reason. Then you will have to decide to accept what he isn't telling you ... or .. what you will do otherwise. The otherwise - could include many things .. like .. if he definetly refuses to have kids .. do you still want to be in the marriage?
It surely is a mystery WHY he won't give you a straight answer. I have to think that the answer to your question will tell you many things. Go for that answer, first. Just keep on trying for it. You deserve an answer. And he should not do you this way about something so serious.
Best wishes to you.
2007-12-03 16:42:25 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well............what do people typically do when they order a red shirt off the internet and a blue shirt is shipped? You can either learn to live with the blue shirt -or- send back the blue shirt since it's not what you thought you were getting.
I realize you probably love your husband. But he married you under false pretenses. Saying you want a family with a woman and then changing your mind afterwards is a huge deal breaker as far as I am concerned. And unfortunately it's not something you can pressure him into. Either he wants a family or he doesn't. Simple as that. And if he doesn't, then you need to decide if it's something you can live with or not. But he has to WANT it too, or else what's the point? Fear of losing you shouldn't be a reason for him to agree to be a father if deep down, he doesn't want to be.
2007-12-03 16:25:45 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to peg him down for some answers. Most people that want kids - don't go from that to "no way - not ever." Maybe that was always his answer - but he only told you what you wanted to hear to get you to marry him - seeing as you can't get a straight answer. I'd be pretty damn mad if I were you! That's a together making decision - that you agreed on before marriage.
2007-12-03 16:27:06 · answer #4 · answered by Lovey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably always felt this way. I would think that is why you cannot get an answer out of him. If it was he married you under false pretenses. Decide if you can live with it. If you cannot get a divorce and find someone that really wants what you do.
2007-12-03 16:48:21 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to divorce him--he said he wanted kids when you got married. You probably wouldn't have married him if he told you the truth before would you?
2007-12-04 00:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by christina30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find another husband. You can't force someone to love having children. All children should have parents who love them and always wanted them.
2007-12-03 16:55:31 · answer #7 · answered by Highland 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seems to be in a diffcult position. I feel that both of you should open up to talk about this subject and resolve it. If you don't settle this problem at such a early stage, it will just snowball into a bigger problem
2007-12-03 16:26:10 · answer #8 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He lied to you from the start, and now you are trapped. Divorce him, take half of his stuff, as well as all of your stuff, and find someone else that wants children.
I am available.
2007-12-03 16:38:20 · answer #9 · answered by PaRDeS 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe he just doesnt want to have kids wth you because of some problem with you / your circumstance / your family that he previously couldn't see until he married you.
Now he sees a trainwreck coming his way and feels like avoiding it, not surprisingly.
2007-12-03 16:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by Le Nuez Vert` 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋