Totally lost!?

Question

My wife and I are high school sweethearts and have been through it all. Got married , went through a death, had two kids bought a house . I work lots, bad job, busy industry in our town. Didn't listen to her. She cheated on me with my friend and neighbour (same guy) said she found something I was not giving her. Told me the first night it happened and the did it 2 more times before his wife found out. Moved out of that house got a new one, fixed it up , which took time we were busy. Said I worked too much. She then said she needed closure from this and phoned him to confront him because he lied about everything when she told every body the truth . she then tells me that we are done she doen't love me there are no more butterflies for me just him. She says he has changed because he is out of his bad marrige. She says we are breaking up over our own issues of me not listening, name calling , not being there, working too much. I never got over the hurt the first time 2 yrs ago

I love her so much. She says she's done because she sees so much anger in me and so much hurt she says i hav'nt changed over 2 years. I was trying to provide her with freedoom to be home with our kids. I had to work I died everytime she would phone. I dont know whe I''l be home is what I would say? She would get mad . She would get burnt out with the kids 6 days a week. The n she stars talking to him again and she says she excitited to hear from him. He made her look crazy whe it all blew up. If she has anything to do with him I cant let my kids be anywhere near him and let him even have the chance to affect their innocent little lives he has hurt this family so bad. I dont understand how she can leave one man that loves her for one that is deceitful a liar a coward, unfaithful in his past marriage, backstabbing wothless worm ?

Answer 1

I'm not sure what the question is here. Perhaps you just needed to vent. I am really sorry for the hurt you are feeling right now, but I think you gave her too many chances to begin with. There are many other fish in the great big sea and although it may not seem like it yet ~ eventually you will move on and find a way to be happy without her. You're better off ... she has treated you unfairly and has cheated on you. Who needs that?

Sadly for her, I'm betting she'll realize what she had about the exact same time it's too late. You sound like a really nice guy and you will find someone who treats you right and makes you truly happy if you allow that to happen. Work on yourself first ... get some counseling ... strengthen your soul ... move forward.

You are worth it and until you believe that ... things won't change.

Peace to you ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer 2

I almost fell into that trap, but when my highschool sweetheart wanted to marry, I joined the Army! I know that doesn't help, but when you meet so young, and don't experience the world, and explore yourselves (separately), it is (in my humble opinion) a recipe for disaster. Out of all the people I know from small towns, (mine was 6,800 population... three towns went to my high school, and my graduating class was still only 110). I moved out of New Hampshire, and down to Massachusetts. I miss the country of NH sometimes, but I'm glad of the choices I made, and the things I've seen and done... I have also missed a lot from my family, something that some would not give up... but I had (have) a dysfunctional family, and didn't see the need to stay.

I don't know how old you are, but I'd recommend you go to school, get yourself a degree, in anything, if you cannot think of anything to do on your own... work less, for more money, and spend some time enjoying life! It may not seem so, but you will, in time, get over this, and get through it... stay true to who you are, and don't be afraid to learn and grow too. I got divorced too, and I know the feeling of being unsure of my future, being alone, etc. trust me, you'll be in a better place, in a short time, (spiritually, and emotionally).

Ten years ago, I would have never guessed, I'd be where I am now... I wouldn't change the bad times for anything; they lead me to where I am now!

Hang in there man! Feel free to write anytime, if you need to talk.

Marcos

Answer 3

Wow. I am sorry to read of the pain you express here.
Let her go, if she comes back, she is yours. If not, she never was.
It is so hard when painful actions take place. Do you ever wonder why the ill feelings of those incidents seem to last longer and stronger than the one that left you feeling good?
Sometimes, it is just time to move onward and smile remembering the good times. Be grateful for them and don't look back.
Maybe, just maybe after she is away for awhile, she will realize different. re: Don't know what you got until it is gone. Perhaps you too have learnt something useful throughout this as well.
In order for, by chance there to be a reconciliation, you both must want the same thing. Looking together in the same direction.
I wish I had something more useful to say. So to take all your pain away.
I know what it is like to work Alot. We are so tired when our day comes to a close, our work day ends.
There is always a good woman behind every good man. If she wasn't able to realize that you were dog tired at the end of your work days.. shame on her. No point in should of's and could of's.
We really need to talk, alot and work hard on making the time to do so. Not argue or name call but talk. We need to make our expectations known, concessions need to be made on both parts. A give and take.
Relationships are tricky things and need alot of work to succeed.
When infidelity occurs, it does hurt, alot and takes alot to overcome them.
Personally, there would never be a third time for me. Once would be enough. I'd be sure to have a prenuptual and would be a one time thing too.
There is something so wrong when a partener goes outside the marriage. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be in the first place no matter how long you were together. I know of couples who were highschool sweethearts and split after their two or three kids. Why? I believe it just wasn't meant to be.
Should you two meet again, know it will take alot of work on both parts to overcome the pain, regain trust and rekindle the love. Communications constantly is the key. Know up front what each of you expect of one another. zknow ahead of time if each of you can fulfill those expectations and if not, say so. can concessions be made?
If there is never any chance to get back together, as you have not mentioned this as an option, move on my friend. Be happy for the good times, don't look at the bad that was, forget it! and never look back. Move on. Smile because there is someone out there for you.
You sound like a great guy, whose first priority after getting married and having children was to make a home for your family and personally, I admire that as many other women would. There are women who would appreciate this in a guy and also realize how hard you work and understand you maybe tired. Hey, we all need our space too. Sometimes it is a great idea when the waters get rocky to assure your loved ones, no matter how busy you are that there is a special day (at least once a week) that is set aside for them and you, as a family. Date your mate. Until then, Keep your chin up. Look ahead, smile and move on. Go where ever the winds take you.

Answer 4

I'm not condoning your wife's cheating, but if you were an absent husband and she felt abandoned it does explain some of the things that happened.
It isn't really clear from your post, but if after you tried to save your relationship you could not forgive her and continued to work too much in addition to insulting her etc...then you can see why it didn't work the second time. Unfortunately a lot of marriages end up the same way.

It will take time for you to get back on your feet. Take stock of what you might have done differently that would have benefited the relationship so that when you meet someone new you can develop a deeper bond.

Answer 5

She broke her wedding vows. She vowed to stay with you through thick and thin til death parted you, not the neighbor.
Cheaters always try to blame it on you. Don't take it on. She is the guilty one and she knows it.

Adultery is the one reason God gives for divorce. File for a divorce and leave her cheating self behind. Every time you start pining for her, just remember who she really is. An adulterer. There is life after divorce. Make sure she knows how happy you are with out her and how well you are doing. Even if you are miserable, don't let on to her. You will get over it and move on to a better life.

Answer 6

Congratulations. Some men stay with a wife that cheats much longer than that. She will never be happy because she is willing to spread her legs any time she thinks she might find something better. But you now have the chance to find a faithful woman. So you are much better off.

Answer 7

wow. This is very similar to my situation. My ex went back and forth between me and another guy played house with both, because he was also married. Sometimes she would lie sometimes he would, but in the end I was out and he was in , and they got married. She's clearly not any happier with him (they have been together 5 years, married), but that's ok, im with someone else and we have a 2-yr-old together...and I think once I got through the tremendous hurt, she got what she deserved. You'll make it, man, have faith!

Answer 8

Once a cheater always a cheater. Face the facts. Give her want she wants. Get rid of her and start new. You sound like a pretty responsible guy. You know what to do. Its a big world out there and trust me, you'll find someone else!

Answer 9

no matter where u move, how many times u forgive, or what u do u won't ever be able to please this woman. she is breaking up with u because she is listening to him and what he is telling her, and not because of anything u have done. when a person blames u for the split and takes none of the blame u have to question their character, and who they are. her reasons for cheating were so lame, and its not about u, its about her. when someone cheats on u, its never good to take them back, reinvest all u got, because chances are all u will get it get kicked in the teeth again.

Answer 10

You sound like a person seriously in need of somebody to talk to so you can figure out what your feelings are and act accordingly. Your "not listening" is no excuse for your wife to treat you like crap. She sounds immature and confused. Find yourself a good therapist.