My daughter is 13 years old. Her dad lives in New Mexico. She is supposed to go to her dad's over Christmas Break. She is trying out for Volleyball and was worried if she made it she would miss practice over the break. I talked to my ex-husband about this, he said he understood and he decided that she wouldn't come out over xmas and we agreed to work some extra time in over spring break. He even told my daughter this. She was relieved, she didn't want to leave home on Christmas. A couple of weeks ago, when he was half drunk and feeling sorry for himself, he called up and changed his mind. My daughter is very upset. I'm half tempted not to send her, and she is refusing to go. Any thoughts on how to handle this?
2007-12-03 15:02:28 · 11 answers · asked by tami_leigh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You do not want to violate the court order, you could be found in contempt. As your attorney at what age a judge might support her making her own decision and ask the judges permission before you decide to violate the current order. When will you know if she's made the Volleyball team? Also consider that she might change her mind (encourage her and see if that works) or that once she's down there she might be glad she went. How have past visits gone?
I can tell you I only have a few memories of my dad, only two that are of Christmas and I treasure those memories. He was a drug addict but he was still my dad. Most of the time kids don't realize the importance of memories like that. What if your daughter didn't want to go to school, you'd still make her. What if she was mad at some rule you came up with for her and wanted to run away, you wouldn't let her. So keep that in mind when making your decision.
2007-12-03 15:14:24 · answer #1 · answered by Jen70 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man does not have to be half drunk and feeling sorry for himself to want to see his child. I suspect you added that out of anger. And I also feel your priorities are way off base if voleyball is more important than spending time with your father and if that is what you are agreeing with your daughter on then I can see why you are divorced and can see much of the same in your daughter's future.
2007-12-03 15:17:06 · answer #2 · answered by Brandon A 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i am a divorced father of a 12 year old daughter myself, the problem which you have run into is not yours alone. but the true problem is that it is not your daughters choice either. the court has ordered certain visitation guide lines which if you do not follow could land you up in jail. they actually take this more serious than non payment of childsupport so becarefull on what you do. i would suggest calling him again and trying to work something else out for the summer or something.
2007-12-03 15:43:09 · answer #3 · answered by butter b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there even was time to go to court, most judges would ask a 13 yr old what they want.
Disappointing as it is, she needs his support to try sports and maybe make the team. Heo ught to understand teens lives are full of things they want to try and both mother and dad are going to miss out on visits because their (teens)friends come first at that age.
2007-12-03 16:21:38 · answer #4 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are automatically going to jump on that "drunk" bit, are you trying to make your ex look like a drunk? When I have a few beers I feel bad about the times i wasn't there for my daughter (who is also 13, and lives with her mother). Where's the encouragement that he's a father that cares, who is still in her life and not dodging child support and who pretends he's not a father at all?
2007-12-03 15:13:38 · answer #5 · answered by primalclaws1974 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When he is sober again, calmly remind him of the arrangements that he already agreed to. After all, this is about being a good parent to his daughter and being supportive of the good things she wants to do in life, not selfishly making her a pawn in his little life of misery.
Do your best not to yell at him or point out what a poor example his behavior is setting for his daughter. I would bet that he'll understand again when he hasn't been drinking. Ignore the words of pity and bitterness that alcohol bring out in him and stand your ground for your daughter's sake.
2007-12-03 15:10:34 · answer #6 · answered by friendlyadvice 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen, he doesn't get to see his daughter very often. He was probably looking forward to her visit with him, over the Holidays. Why is volleyball so important, over seeing her own Dad? I think the both of you are both wrong.
2007-12-03 15:16:52 · answer #7 · answered by denise 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't make her go to New Mexico and make him go to AA. Kidding.
I would not make her go. She is 13 and is begining a complicated journey that we have all been through. You need to talk to your husband and try to make a different arrangement or if anything go back to court and let you doughter tell a judge what she wants to do.
2007-12-03 15:16:12 · answer #8 · answered by tengleking23 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are divorced from your husband and your daughter's feelings come first not his.She's old enough to make up her mind.I wouldn't bad mouth her dad I'd just say I agreed with how she felt.
2007-12-03 15:25:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well if he was drunk i wouldnt send my kid...and it sounds like she really doesnt want to go anyways ....he will just hafta get over it ....sometimes there are more important things in life besides being selfish
2007-12-05 03:30:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋