I truly think that I have an anger problem but I just need to know how to control it?

Question

Ok, for an example today I came home from work and I always check my car before I walk away so I’m looking at it and something doesn't seem right. So I look closer and there it was!!!! A dent in my front grill that someone back up into me. (I have a 94 Nissian Altima so my grill is plastic and they hit it so hard that it bent in and its crack) If you have any suggestions on how to fix it I would appreciate it. I was so pissed off!!! I didn't talk to anyone and if I was in the car when that happened I swear I would of went to jail that day. I really do get fired up real fast in a quick sec and I just want to know if you have any techniques or suggestions on how to calm down and just learn how to let some things roll off your back? And oh yeah!!! If that would have happened to your car how would you deal with it?

Answer 1

I would have dealt with it differently when I was younger than I would now. I don't have the energy to put into getting extremely mad about things I can't control. It doesn't mean I would like it that someone backed into me, but it's done, and letting my emotions get overheated won't fix it. So I note that it happened, think something unflattering about the person who did it and left without leaving a note, and I move to the next step of getting it fixed.

You only keep your emotions in control by not letting them get out of control. If you could re-do your reaction to this event, maybe when you see the dent and feel your anger start, you could turn away from the car, first of all, then take in a slow, deep breath, all the way to your lower belly. Then let it out normally, but slowly, and when you get to the end of the breath, when your lungs are completely empty, count one-mississippi, two-mississippi without rushing. Then do that for a second breath. This has an effect on your parasympathetic nervous system, and it will begin to slow your stress reactions. As you learn that you can have control over your emotions, not by stuffing them, but by destressing, you will have a clear head to deal with what you need to do to fix the problems. That's a lot more rational way to live. Save the emotion for positive expression in music, sports, etc. Hope that helps!

Answer 2

Dance of Anger is a good book about anger, and there are many others too. Look at some of them on Amazon. I read a couple many years ago, and it helped, but the best thing that helped me was getting older and realizing that there are very few things and people I can control in this world, and if I choose to, I can be angry and frustrated and hot-headed all the time. Instead, I learned to pick and choose what I get upset about. Some things and some people aren't worth the energy, and the way I feel after I've blown up isn't worth it either. I'll probably always have a tendency towards overreacting, but I'm much calmer and much nicer now. It's a gift I gave myself.

And about the Altima, it happened and it's over with, you weren't there when it happened, so you have no control over it. Just accept that irritations like this are a part of life, and move on. Easier said than done, I know. File an insurance claim if you have insurance, or call the dealership and ask them to recommend a place.