married for 3.5 years i have a 1 year old. my husband from the starting has issues with me. i never understand why? and now its gotten worse.. he curses at me for no reason, or reasons so small like not putting the laundry away!! he gets mad when he wants to and not talk for dayss.. expects things from me all the time but when i expect says i am too demanding..
when iw as pregnant on our trip to NY i had his laptop in my lap, and i was going to put it on the back seat it sort of slipped but ended up fine on the seat.. he started swearing at me so much (which he knows i hate) also hit me so hard that i started bleeding from my both lips.. never said sorry ..when we got there he got extra rude with me .. then few hours later he acted as if nothing happend!! i tried to talk and get mad..but got scared he might do something again.. i know i have put up with it just cz of my baby.. if i file for divorce will i get my baby's custody or can he get it.. i have no clue so am asking pls help
2007-12-03 14:32:05 · 25 answers · asked by angel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think of leaving but get terrified thinking what if my son's custody goes to him..i cant live without my son. very frustrated and confused.
2007-12-03 14:32:55 · update #1
living in toronto right now
2007-12-03 14:34:07 · update #2
there are people in organizations who will help u get away from him. your self worth has suffered because of the abuse, u have no confidence in yourself. it is rare that a man gets custody of a child unless the mom is unfit or the child's safety is an issue. u are married to an abuser, who has stolen your self worth, made u afraid to stick up for your rights. go to a woman's shelter if u have to, but i would definitely not stay in this marriage, u are worth more than this, u just don't know it. get therapy don't let any man mistreat u or hit u.
2007-12-03 14:40:21 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is quit being afraid of him. And don't stay with him because you have a child together, that is no excuse. Your son does not need to be brought up in that type of enviornment, no matter how good of a father he is to your boy. Your first step would be to go to the court house and explain your situation, they will mpst likely put you in fron of a judge that day. You can do this without yur husband there. What you will do is file for temporary custody. It will most likely be given to you right away. they will then send someone to subpeona your husband to court at a later date. Which you will both have to attend. In the meantime get yourself a divorce attorney, and make sure you have a place for you and your son to stay. Whether it be an apartment or a family members or a friends. Most likely what will happen, is if the judge sees no reason why your husband shouldn't have custody of the baby, he will grant partial custody to the both of you. that will probably require your husband getting your son every other weekend some holidays ect. Best of luck to you and I hope all works out in your favor.
2007-12-03 22:45:54 · answer #2 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave before it gets worse, and it will. He won't get sole custody, unless he can prove your an unfit mother, which would probably be hard for him to do. He will however, most likely get joint custody. Which means time with the child will be shared equally between you two. But, you DO NOT need your son in the kind of environment you have him in now. If he hurts you again, have him arrested and file charges against him. That may be helpful when you go to court over the custody issues.
2007-12-03 23:10:01 · answer #3 · answered by frosty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very loving and trusting. Let me tell you if your husband is doing this now, it will get worse as time goes by. If you can, get your hands on all the money you have access to and start putting it in a safe place. Do you have your own car? A trusted relative? You need to set up a bank account that he has no knowledge of and put your money in this account.This is emergency money. Next, get an attorney and talk to him about getting a restraining order once you leave him. If you have access to an auto, this is great. If not plan on taking a bus or whatever you have to do to get to a safe place. Do your parents know what is going on?Tell them and ask if they would be willing to help you. If he hits you again, make sure you take pictures and put them in a safe place.File a police report and go to a safe place. You MUST protect yourself. This man is very capable of harming you!
My beloved friend is dead after years of wishing her husband would change and enduring the most unspeakable abuse(boken ribs, broken nose, etc. Hospitalized some 15 times from the beatings) that only got worse through the years. He finally shot her with a rifle and she died in the arms of her 16 year old son.
The abuse will continue to get worse.Is this what you want your child to see? Please get out while you can and take your child. Do what you have to do to protect your little one and yourself. Talk to someone at a battered woman's shelter and get their advice. He will not be able to get your child. He has to prove you unfit. I am here if you would like to talk. Email me. You are in my prayers. May the Lord bless you and your little one and keep you both safe. I am praying for your safety!
2007-12-06 00:19:48 · answer #4 · answered by Marie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to find a local women's shelter in your area and go to it. They will help you with everything. Your baby should not have to grow up in a home afraid of weather or not mommy will still be alive when she/he arrives home. Unless the father can prove the mother to be unfit to have custody of the child the judge usually leaves the child with the mother. Important you have an address established before you custody hearing. As well as, a pediatrician, and a licensed caregiver if you are to be working outside of the home. Extremely important for your child's future that you leave this situation.
2007-12-04 00:45:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Angel, how this breaks my heart. Hun, I have been married for 35 years now. I can tell you that you deserve better treatment than you are receiving! Love, takes work and marriage means both partners agree to work at the marriage! From what you have written, this tells me you are doing all the work and out of FEAR of losing your precious child!
Angel, if you are the good mother that you seem to be, then he cannot win in a child custody case. However, you will need to prove his abusive ways. Now, there is another way to handle this situation as well. Are you a Christian? If so, I implore you to pray and ask God to soften the heart of your husband. If he has anger issues, I would ask God to reveal to you the basic issues so that they can be addressed.
Well, I do not know if you believe or not....I do! I hope you are not offended by my praying for you. If there is anyway, God can help you all to mend this marriage then, i pray His will be done. I ask God to take away the mental and physical abuse, you are experiencing and that you will have the faith to allow God to help you in a lifelong decision. May the Lord God protect you and your child from any harm and know that I will continue in prayer, for you and for the sake of your family.
God Bless You,
gail.....e-mail if you want to talk.
2007-12-03 23:06:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing to think about is that this is probably an anger issue that could carry over and harm your child. I would encourage you to connect with someone credible that has seen this abuse or will testify in court if it comes to that. If there is any sign of abuse, mental, physical, sexual,substance, the judge would be ignorant to give him custody. Most churches will help women and children get the help they need, that may be an option for you.
God bless
† Sanctified Prayer Warrior †
2007-12-05 14:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way that he can get custody is IF IF IF they can prove you UNFIT!! DON'T let him BULLY you anymore.. that's his way of controlling you........ Please listen to me.. I've been where you are... Make a plan... get some help friends family any one you KNOW you can count on... and when hes gone leave and be eight hours away when he gets back.... HIRE you a lawyer who you know is good and faithful to their clients.. BE careful some lawyers can be paid off... I had one... any way... AND NEVER NEVER NEVER LISTEN TO HIM WHEN/ OR IF HE CALLS YOU... You would be better off never to talk with him again... as for as your son.. poor little thing.. don't let his dad around him... he is precious and don't need to have a monster like that around him...
I wish you the best sugar.. you will be OK.. i know it don't seem like it now but it can happen...
2007-12-03 22:50:16 · answer #8 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave him. Find a way to talk to a lawyer without him knowing about it. Talking to a professional will help you realize where you stand and what you can and can't do. If there is any way you can get evidence of his actions, like pictures of bruises or other injuries he has caused it may help your case.
You need to think of your child and get him out of this horrible situation. I can't promise you will get full custody and he won't have visitation rights but if you can prove he is violent you maybe be able to get his visitation rights to be supervised.
2007-12-03 22:46:58 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Dragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is doing all this because he has another woman or is using drugs so leave him ! If you want to divorce you will probably have the custody , If he hits you again call the police so he will have records and like that it will work for you favor.
2007-12-03 22:38:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋