Using cloth diapers and breastfeeding? How to deal with MIL?

Question

I am pregnant with my first and planning on breastfeeding and using cloth diapers. My husband and I decided that was what we wanted to do, both for the money savings and for the health of the baby.
The problem is his mother. She doesn't agree with the choices, she would much rather we use formula and disposable diapers because they are more convenient. This would not be an issue, but she is going to be helping us out with baby sitting several times a week (we both work full-time and odd hours). As far as the diapers go, if she is going to supply the diapers then it's not a big deal, the baby can wear pampers or whatever while he/she is with her. I have a bigger issue with the formula.
I DO NOT want the baby on formula. I am going to be pumping breast milk and preparing it ahead of time so I don't see how that's any less convenient then formula. How can I make her see that this is OUR baby and she is going to have to respect our wishes about the food he/she eats?

I have tried to be firm about this, but he isn't backing me up. He is at home when we're talking, but obviously isn't when he is with her.
So basically I am turning out looking like a crazy obsessed and paranoid *****.

We are trying to find alternative child care, but it's not exactly easy to find someplace reputable that will care for a 6 week old infant until 11pm several days per week and on all weekends and holidays.

I work retail so I don't have a nice 9-5 M-F job that would allow the use of traditional day care or even most in-home care.

Answer 1

Is there any way you can find another sitter?

Usually I think grandparents are far and away the best sitters, but.

I'm inclined to think you're going to run into other hassles with her if she can't even get 'no formula.' She'll throw out your nice wood toys and get some lead-painted Dora the Explorer plastic... And why read your baby the books you bought for him? 'Baby Einstein' DVDs are so much more convenient!

If she wasn't going to be looking after your child, the answer would be simple -- some polite version of 'Stuff it, lady.' But using somebody who's on such a different page about baby care as a sitter sounds like _way_ more stress than even free sitting is worth.

Answer 2

I'd leave the horror stories to the people you encounter who don't know what they are talking about. I have been breastfeeding and cloth diapering for 6 months now with out a real horror story. In my first 2 weeks of breastfeeding I did develop thrush and boy was it painful. However, I was absolutely determined to breastfeed and was not gonna let one set back stop me from provided to my son the best way I knew how. After 2 weeks of the medication it cleared up and it has been a wonderful experience. I do pump once a day and have Dad give a bottle so he can share in the joy and bonding that comes with feeding. Breastfeeding does not come as naturally as one would think...do your reading, but definitely take advantage of the nurses and lactation consultants when you are in the hospital and even after. If its done right breastfeeding does not hurt, may feel a little weird at first but not painful. We have been cloth diapering since my son was 3 weeks old (he was too skinny and still had his cord until then). It takes a little getting use to, no doubt about that but after a few weeks it was no hassle at all. I am a working mother and always find time to do an extra load of laundry every 2-3 days. My son also wears cloth 24/7, even when I attempted to send him to daycare. We use a wide variety of diapers and even pre-folds, they each have their advantages. My findings though are that with my cloths they fit a bit snugger on the back which means poopy blow outs don't go all up the baby's back like they do in a disposable. When you are just breastfeeding you don't need to rinse or soak diapers, the breast milk is water soluble and comes right out. My son is just now starting solids and we plan to make and install our own diaper sprayer to wash away poop. Since the poop is getting thicker it may not wash away as easily as it did. Good Luck, I'm sure you will be really happy with your decision. Like anything, its all a learning process and one you can be very proud of. BTW Congrats!

Answer 3

I wouldn't leave the baby with her if she won't respect you. Either you need to find other childcare, cut down on your hours, find a different job, or just quit. The diapers are a non-issue, but if you really want to breastfeed and will be pumping, and she is not supportive, she may buy her own formula and just give that to the baby instead of your milk. You need to have a serious conversation with her, spelling it all out, and if she can't respect you, then you need to be done with her. I personally would just not have her baby-sit, but that's your judgement.

Answer 4

Don't back down, this is Your baby to raise as You wish.

Maybe show her how cute and convenient cloth diapers have become? And show her some website about how beneficial breastfeeding is and that you do not want to deprive your child of that.

Answer 5

I don't see what's so "convenient" about formula. When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night you have to get up, go prepare a bottle and then feed baby. With breastfeeding all you have to do is give it your breast. Way easier. I used cloth diapers on my son during the night and I sometimes wish I had used them on him all the time.

Tell you mother-in-law that this baby is yours and your husbands', not hers, and you two can make parenting decisions, not her. Sometimes you have to be blunt. If she can't respect your wishes then I would find a different babysitter who will.

Answer 6

Are you going to be paying her for child care? If not, buy the diapers, it's way cheaper than paying for daycare. Be firm about the breastmilk. Changing formulas, or formula to breastmilk, frequently can cause constipation and tummy aches. Even changing inbetween similiar formulas caused my oldest to become severly constipated. What is her hang-up about breastmilk anyways? Is she afraid she'll get cooties if some gets on her?lol Seriously though, maybe if you give in on the diapers, she'll give in on the breastmilk. There really isn't a difference since they'd both be coming out of a bottle. Maybe she's worried about running out. Let her have a small amount of formula on hand, just in case. Good luck!

Answer 7

Just tell her. Get a pamphlet or print up some info on why breast is best and tell her. There is no time like the present to be honest and straight forward. Say "I think it is great that you are going to help with the baby and I completely understand your choice to want to use disposable diapers, but we dont have the money for them, so you will have to help supply them, as with the the milk, I will have it in bottles and ready for you so all you have to do is warm it up." Explain to her that breast milk has cholesterol in it that formula does not and that babies need that cholesterol to help them digest food as they get older, it also has less chemicals, it is organic, and last but most importantly it is your choice." Be kind but assertive and if that doesnt work, tell her that if she is completely uncomfortable with your decision you will look for other alternatives to help with the baby. You have to be a part of this womans life for the rest of it, so mine as well let her know that you are the mom and she has already been the mom for her babies.. Dont fear...

Answer 8

It's not going to be a problem for her if you are pumping it will be ready for her anyway, I'm glad my MIL stays out of it. She has no right to be feeding your baby formula if you don't want it to be fed it. As for the nappies if she wants to supply them for while she is there then cool but it will probably be you washing them anyway so it still wouldn't be that much of a hassle for her anyway. My husband is the same when it comes to his family he agrees with me about a situation but won't tell his family how he sees it and wants it, I think it is a male thing. Good luck : - )

Answer 9

I agree with your priorities- diapers are one thing, feeding is another.

If she's as militant about formula-feeding as she sounds in your post, your child will be fed formula at some point if you leave him in her care. She'll find a reason why, and you won't be able to do anything about it.

I'd start by asking your coworkers about their childcare arrangements.

Answer 10

Forget about the mother-in-law. Is she crazy? What's wrong with breastmilk? You don't need her "help". Do it yourself. That's your baby and s/he deserves the best. Find a new PART-TIME job with more convenient hours. I don't know how far along you are but hope you have enough time for that. Your baby needs YOU not a weird grandma. Those special moment with your baby won't come back. Don't miss a second.