If you were in a argument with your husband or boyfriend and all he did was hold your hand and look lovingly at you would that quell your anger.
2007-12-03 13:49:33 · 16 answers · asked by Dan A 6 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
If that's ALL he did, then I think it would actually upset me. Where there is conflict or argument between two people, the goal (at least in my opinion) is to attempt to resolve it, which takes two people to do. If one person is silent, nothing gets resolved. I think I would view this tactic of "silently holding my hand and looking lovingly into my eyes" as patronizing...it would feel like he is merely "placating me," and not really interested in solving the problem. I don't think that would make me feel like he really cared about working toward a real resolution. If he's actively participating in the resolution, then yes, a bit of affection never hurts.
EDIT: To Lucy: you just reminded me of something funny. Once my boyfriend and I were eating lunch (at a fast food restaurant) and discussing something rather serious and "emotionally charged." He was silent while I was talking, silent for too long. With slight irritation at his lack of verbal response, I looked up from my plate at him, and saw that he had stuffed his bald head with several french fries sticking out of his nose, ears, and mouth!
(Three in each ear, three up each nostril, and several hanging out of his mouth.) It was so completely unexpected and random that I darn near choked on my own food because I was laughing so hard! This drew the attention of people sitting nearby- who looked over, saw him, and they bursted out laughing as well. I then dared him to ask someone at a table further away if they had a napkin he could have...and he got up, walked across the room, and tapped some guy on the shoulder- the man turned around and saw him standing there with all these french fries sticking out of his face and head, and the look on that man's face was PRICELESS! And yes, this completely defused the argument we were having at the time. (That was his intent, I'm sure.) But to be honest, it did nothing to resolve the issue- it just put it off a little longer. Gotta give him credit for the creativity though! LOL!
2007-12-03 14:13:16 · answer #1 · answered by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
It would definitely not quell my anger, although I suppose it would depend on the issue. And Sidious is right...if I'm mad enough, I do not want to be touched and will get even angrier. Again, that depends on the issue and would be extremely unusual. I would see him as being condescending if that's what he did. Would a man want a woman to do that if he were angry? I doubt it.
Tera--that is absolutely hilarious! Wonderful visual. That guy sounds like a keeper. Anyone who would go to that length to diffuse a situation is someone I'd love to know.
2007-12-03 23:50:31 · answer #2 · answered by teeleecee 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Smile. Holding my hand and smiling you've said... I would call paramedics with a suspicion of a stroke. What comes me down are participation and a feedback. One of us brings up the problem and we discuss it between us. So, for me to come down, we need to reach an agreement on how to handle this problem. I also would love to end this business with a hug and a kiss.
2007-12-04 00:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by ms.sophisticate 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont know...i think it would work if u only used it rarely....if u did it for every argument she would prob know u were just looking to "shut her up" :S..... its like how some guys get out of arguments by being funny....my sister's husband does that alot...and over the years its began to annoy her and therefore makes her worse.
.zoe.
2007-12-03 22:16:10 · answer #4 · answered by bee42 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No
But how did we get to arguing if all he's doing is holding my hand and looking lovingly at me....
2007-12-03 22:54:55 · answer #5 · answered by MsAdventure 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I have a hot temper but the smallest things will calm me down! But we'd still have to talk about what made me mad though! LOL!
2007-12-04 00:58:27 · answer #6 · answered by rashida_16 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it would definitely take the fight from a boil down to a simmer. I've told my hubby a dozen times that if he would just hug me in the middle of a 'fight' or disagreement, we would probably wrap them up much faster. Sometimes if my brain is actually functioning, I'll hug him to try to defuse the tension.
2007-12-03 21:53:54 · answer #7 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It might quell my anger...but it wouldn't quell my opinion. Instead of "arguing", we would most likely end up "discussing"...which is certainly better for both of us.
(This, of course, assumes that *I* am the one who is emotional and irrational...which is a common stereotype of women, but I've found that it rarely applies to me).
2007-12-03 21:55:01 · answer #8 · answered by G 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I've known some women who will lash furiously at you if try to even touch them while in middle of an argument.
2007-12-03 22:00:58 · answer #9 · answered by 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
No.. but my dad would have a hard time accepting that i have a loving husband.
2007-12-04 07:53:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋