How much do you rely on the silent treatment when conflicts with your partner arise?

Answer 1

i can't do it! i am the kind of person that has to make known how she feels, for better or for worse! i can't keep this mouth shut, even when i should.

Answer 2

The only time I'm silent during a conflict is if I honestly really don't know what to say. (Which usually doesn't happen very often....lol!) If anything, I'm accused of not knowing WHEN to be "stop talking." (Which always makes me angrier, actually...comments like that rarely have the effect of silencing me.) I want to resolve issues, not sweep them under the carpet. Rarely does ignoring an issue make it truly "go away." I have been the recipient of the "silent treatment," and I can tell you I really HATE IT...I see it as a controlling tactic (he's controlling the flow of the conversation: it's beginning, middle and end)- and it infuriates me. It's a common tactic of the passive-aggressive person. However, a mutually agreed upon "time out" (with the agreement that the issue will be discussed when things have "calmed down")- can be helpful during conflict resolution, esp. if anger is escalating.

Answer 3

As an undergrad I once did a thesis on the Comedy of Silence...maybe I should have done a little more research into the Anger of Silence. It drives me around the bend. How in the world are two people supposed to communicate and fix issues if the issues are never discussed?

I'll be the first to admit that it takes a lot to make me truly angry, but once I've reached that point your best bet is just to leave the state for two or three days...unless you enjoy missing vital body parts like limbs...maybe a head once in a while. Okay, so maybe there haven't been a string of exes in the background that are missing anything they didn't come into the relationship missing...but still...

Anyway, the whole point of that was that if I actually get angry enough to stop talking, than it's because I'm about to say a whole bunch of stuff that neither of us wants to hear and can never be taken back. I always say something about why I'm getting quiet though...silence as punishment is a rather immature and degrading experience and having lived with it from my father for almost 30 years, I would never put someone else through that.

One of the first men I ever seriously dated had an abusive father growing up, so really early in the relationship I explained how to read my anger signals...yelling doesn't mean anything and I'll get over it pretty much as soon as I shut up...calm tone of voice means it's not going to be easy to fix, but it can be done...silence is a prelude to me trying to figure out how to say something that doesn't end with "we're done"...and crying means you need to get out as quickly as possible. He's actually the reason I give this explanation to everyone I date, because he said that he really appreciated really knowing how angry I was without having to try and figure out some mysterious signals.

Answer 4

My last girlfriend had a real knack for that. I was expected to figure out what I did wrong, apologize, explain why I did it, and demonstrate my commitment never to do it again and my plan for preventing future occurrences of the behavior. This was the only way she'd speak to me. Which meant wracking my brain, since I didn't even know what I'd done wrong usually, which is great because it makes you confess everything you might have done, everything you might think she thinks you've done, etc., and obsess and feel guilty, even if it was a minor thing. And you get in more trouble if you get frustrated and angry. Ahhh. Good times!

Answer 5

For my bf and I, the "silent treatment" lasts probably 15-20 minutes. Neither of us can handle it.

The good thing is, by that time, we've both calmed down a bit if the argument was really heated and we start talking rationally.

Other than that, we don't really have any use for it.

Answer 6

My ex-husband and I worked things out while we dated; once we married, he started giving me the silent treatment and we never worked things out again. I got the silent treatment at the drop of a hat; with no explanations why it started, or why it ended. It could last hours to days. And he would turn it off when others were around! I left after 6 months, but he promised he'd never do it again. He didn't for a few months, but then he started doing it again. His parents came to visit, and she gave all of us the silent treatment for a few days, including her husband of 30 years. I saw what my life was like, and it was ugly. I did everything I could to get my life in order, and left him. I didn't go back again, no matter what he said. It's childish, but it's also sadistic.

I'll never give anyone the silent treatment. If someone does it to you, do whatever you can to get away from them, no one deserves this treatment, and there's no justification for it. It's sick.

Answer 7

I divorced mine after he experimented with merely one silent scientific care, and it wasn't even after a controversy. I tells me he's not in any respect tried that one on women human beings ever on condition that. : ) i do in contrast to emotional video games or immaturity. greater constructive adult men obtainable than that. The silent scientific care is a retreat from the convenant. For me, that's all over the minute the two considerable different is left status on my own interior the covenant for even a minute.

Answer 8

I don't do the silent treatment, but I will say, "I don't want to discuss this anymore" and then ignore any effort to get me to continue to talk about it.
If people won't change their attitudes or behavior, some conflicts are never going to get resolved. The issues are just recycled.

Answer 9

I really HATE the silent treatment....HATE IT HATE IT.....it drives me bonkers not to just discuss the problem and try to resolve it. I can't hang on to anger very long, it just wears me out.

I never could figure out how people could hold on to grudges and carry on the silent treatment for days on end....an hour and I'm worn out and ready to be in a different mood.

Answer 10

Never; it's ridiculous. If you don't talk about it he wont realize there is a problem and vice versa. I m not a mind reader and I m pretty sure he isn't to. I like to get everything out in the open, sort it out then leave it in the past. Nothing gets solved by sulking and hiding away.

Answer 11

I am submissive so i can understand. Silence is important to a man. It is his way of adjusting to particular circumstances, so you should give him some space. Eventually, your man will be ready to express the loving and caring side of himself.