Should I visit mom for Christmas?

Question

Should I visit mom for Christmas? I am pretty upset with her becuase she has this feud going on with my aunts and uncles and never in her life owns up to anything or takes responibity for anything, including it takes two to argue and she is at least 50 % responible for the feud. She has insisted on bad mouthing them and not seeing her as wrong to any degree in the situation. Her sister has made numerous attempts to mend fences and my mom never answers her calls or letters, but then complains to me that they dropped her. And yes the feud is stupid, its over a grudge she holds "She says they told her what to do all her life and she is sick of it." My opinion has never counted growing up but I think there were lots of times that if she had took their advice all of our lives would have been a lot better. She wants my hubby and I to visit at Christmas, but he is still mad that she no showed at our wedding. "not wrong on her part either" Her health is not the best but still? Doormat?

Ps. and I am sure if I don't go I will get a fine guilt trip.

It is an 8 hour drive

Answer 1

No where in the world is it written that you have to love someone (not even a mother or father) that mistreats you. Your mother sounds like a very selfish person who wants everything her way or "no way" and if she ignores and treats you like an outsider then it's time you got on with your life without her interfering in you and your family's life.
DO NOT LET THIS PERSON GUILT YOU OUT. You may love her dearly but don't let her ruin your life. Life is to short.
Good Luck

Answer 2

First of all, I wouldn't under any circumstances, force my spouse to visit someone unpleasant on a holiday. Just gives you bad memories of holidays. Instead, visit sometime before Christmas or between Christmas and New years. Think of it this way, no matter what her feud with your aunts and uncles, she is your mother. Your aunts and uncles are not. If she died next April, how much MORE guilt would you feel that you didn't take the opportunity to visit when you could have? Simply tell her that you do not want to hear negative gossip about relatives she doesn't like --you just want to know what she is doing.

Your husband should be thankful that such an unpleasant person wasn't at your wedding. Don't feel that he MUST come with you although it's much more pleasant for the long ride.

Answer 3

If I could spend one more Christmas with my mother, I would in a heart beat. She had her moments, but that was my mother. I loved her just the same. My mother passed away a year ago this last may. She had a stroke while her and I were dancing along with my aunt and cousin. I would give anything to have just one day with her again. I can't tell you how often I wanted to grab the phone to call her only to realize that I can't.

Go. This is family. She is your mother and she wants to see you and your husband. I don't think that is to much to ask. Let her know you love her.

Life is strange. We never know when we are not going to have the opportunity to say or do the things to those that mean so much to us. Don't take this time for granted. You yourself said that she has been ill.

The feuding....little stuff. Doesn't mean that she doesn't need you or anyone else. And all in all....is it really all that important? It's much easier to hold a grudge for some, than it is to say "I'm sorry". We aren't perfect. And if you find someone that claims they are...don't believe them.

Go. Enjoy her company and I am certain that she will enjoy yours.

Merry Christmas to you all!!

Answer 4

Go but don't go because of guilt go because she is your mother!
No matter what she is that.
It hard when it is one of our parents. I still hold a grudge against my mother for taking my grandma away when she was sick. She died miles away and I could not say good bye to her.
And here is my mom still around and I have a hard time even looking at her some times. But I do love her and I would never want to lose her.
After all no matter what she says or does she did give me life and even though she was not the greatest mom in the world I did learn alot about how to be a great mom to my kids just do the opposite.

Answer 5

I would say go because you never know when life is going to take a turn. Then if something happends to her you can say I saw her that last time. When you go just stay on the down low with your husband. If your mom has helth problems your hubby shouldnt hold a grudge against her. Its not her fault.

Answer 6

Think of it this way, there will be a day that your mother won't be there to go to. Take advantage of this time and make the best of it. My mom pasted away two years ago and I think about her everyday and I miss her more than words can express. My mom lived two hours away from me and my family and we were suppose to visit her for Thanksgiving and something can up where we couldn't, she passed away the December after. Go see your mom and tell her how much you love her.

Answer 7

Sounds to me like you have serious issues that go back a looooong way....Unless you have a change of heart and decide to put up with whatever crap she can dish out, I'd say don't go.

Perhaps in the future you could consider going to counseling so you can deal with your feelings and issues. The fact is she's not going to change; so you'll have to work hard at healing yourself and letting go of unwanted baggage. Think of this as a present you can give yourself....You will be happier once you feel better.

(We all have past hurts and issues concerning our parents; but it's up to each person to decide whether to do something about it or just keep living miserably.) Good luck!

Answer 8

go for a hour.
you really shouldn't feel guilty.you may feel like a little girl in a Lady's body when it comes to mom and the past was not your fault when you were little and not wanting to go to moms is not either.what has happened with aunt and mom.please don't worry about that.and your husband should really be mad about mom not showing up.but he should let it go for you not because mom is right.
if you go and mom opts to talk about bad stuff change the subject or do what i do Expect them to act like they always do.(bad in other words )i find this helps me when i do this and whoever my problem relative is i am not shocked when they act bad.and i say nothing and just smile.
yes but you should go and please consider getting counseling for your issues with mom i feel you should because if something God forbid happens to mom you may not be able to handle it well.its best if you go with the route of counseling instead of hopeing mom will change.
a hour is enough time to have desert and exchange a gift.G♥♥d luck.

Answer 9

life is short, I wouldn't Go for Christmas, Maybe a few days before

This way , you visited her,

i mean its not up to you to make her happy,
and as she said this is her life, and NOW THIS IS YOUR LIFE

Don't let her guilt trip you,
your not wrong, she is, and eventually she might see it,

As for christmas do whats gonna make your NEW FAMILY HAPPY,

your new family she be your focus, and thats your priority,

she should understand this, and if she doesn't O WELL
you made an effort,

OK

Good luck

M

Answer 10

what is the mature decision?

your mom sounds like one of my few friends....she is miserable and full of excuses...people have laughed about her never being wrong and it always someone else's fault

would I want to go and visit this person? how far is it? how much money is it going to involve.....

and she was conveniently sick on your wedding???...most mothers would be there on their death beds...so ......

respect your husbands wishes....you can call her for 4 hours and that should be enough misery for this year from what you have told me....